DII

All,

Need some feedback. My AW is in a sober recovery home. She's been there since Thanksgiving. My 15 year old is living with me. We are going to a mediator for divorce process. She relapsed 3 weeks ago. My 15 year old wants to stay with his Mom this weekend at her home. It is allowed and she has a private room. Part of me says no way! I don't want him around her in that environment. Part of me says why not since it's a sober environment.

Confusing.......

Thoughts?

Barbara52

That's a tough one. Is their supervision in the house as to the conduct of the folks living there and what they are doing? Is it a place with counselors available?

DII

Yes...all of the above. Supervision, counselors etc. She went straight there after detox.

Jazzman

A rehab center that allows overnight/weekend family visits?!??! They sure do things strange in CA. I'm sure I can sometimes confuse people with my opinions... Since having struggled with an addition myself I'm on the side of the underdog WHEN they are sober and /WHEN children are involved... very picky about these conditions. I like the idea of her spending SOBER time with her son, I think it's good for everyone involved AS LONG AS it's not the 10th time she's attempted sobriety, if you know what I mean.

I brought Ms children to visit her while she was in rehab but the visits were restricted to a couple hours only on Sundays. It was good for everyone, lots of love and hope and I believe a great reason to reinforce why sobriety is good. But an overnight stay? Weekend even? I would be having serious doubts about that and any rehab that allows or encourages overnight or weekend family visits. Couple hours, sure, but a weekend? I dunno.

Barbara52

I agree a weekend visit seems a tad odd. Perhapss try a shorter visit? Are you clsoe enough that your son could call to get picked up if he gets uncomfortable?

DII

Barb, yes I am about 15 minutes away...

GiveLove

Are you and your son close enough for you to sit down and talk with him about the specifics of what you're worried about, and figure out something that works for both of you? Maybe he could text or call you if anything starts to get weird? (How much does he know about alcoholism and about her situation? Would he know what "weird" is? If she told him not to "tell," would he listen to her?)

Daisy30

That is a tough one. I have to agree, maybe you guys should sit down, talk and find a compromise. maybe just during the day or something.

Also, you didn't state how AW felt about this stay? Is she all for it?

DII

Thanks ALL! Just to clarify this is a sober living home. I have sat down to talk to my son and he doesn't see it as a big deal. As a matter of fact one of the things that bothers me is that he has met a few of the residents during a visit to the house and thinks they are "cool". While I want him to have compassion for people in recovery I don't want him to lose sight of the situation for what it is. Recovery from an additction, which is not the ideal path to be on. I'm going to let him go but part of me says that I should insist that my AW be sober, functioning and on her own to be spending nights with him. It's part of my thought that she is either knowingly or unknowlingly desensitizing him to her situation and lifestyle.

Hard to explain..

DII

daisy, she is the one encouraging him....