Just a Hi and a 12 step question
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: London England
Posts: 38
Just a Hi and a 12 step question
Just Wanted to introduce myself.
Newi’sh here have been lurking and reading, taking on board what everyone says. Not sure where I am heading right now, have tried AA have tried rehab but never lasted longer than a few weeks.
I love my drinking but hate where it sometimes takes me. The last occasion of this was last weekend. I am 40 have left my wife (still love her which makes it hard, but it’s over) a few months back due to the outcomes our co-dependent habit and moved into my parents house where I have been drinking daily and binging at weekends ending in last weekend when I started Thursday and by Sunday my dad says you will have to leave here. The next morning hung over and partly drunk he insists I have to go today, fine I think I can head to a hotel and hit the bar. Trouble was it had snowed overnight and in England we can’t cope with snow so I couldn’t get my car out of their drive to leave nor could I purchase more booze. So I have to stay another day and go cold turkey.
After a difficult night of sweating and struggling to sleep I wake up in a better state of mind I chat to my dad and he agrees to let me stay if I don’t drink. My higher power may just have sent that snow. 3 days of sober later I’m feeling quite positive, but I have been here before so do have my concerns, to get my love hate ratio in the correct order.
I have read the big book and understand it mostly but I want to do the steps, I sort of don’t want to go back to meetings, has anyone worked the steps on there own, I see there is lots of info in the 12 step area.
I am currently working step 1 - 2 and 3 are done as far as I am concerned but am not sure if I am doing those wrong which is I always seem to get back at 1. My life has become unmanageable but after a bit of sober time it's manageable. Reason it's manageable, I don't drink, there's the logic but oh no I think I'm fixed and can drink again and again it becomes unmanageable, guess that's the disease at work ha. You forget how low the last drunk took you very easily.
Anyway that’s it love the forum and felt I would like to take part and begin to post and look for some help and maybe help others in the process. Any thoughts would be great
Thanks
Newi’sh here have been lurking and reading, taking on board what everyone says. Not sure where I am heading right now, have tried AA have tried rehab but never lasted longer than a few weeks.
I love my drinking but hate where it sometimes takes me. The last occasion of this was last weekend. I am 40 have left my wife (still love her which makes it hard, but it’s over) a few months back due to the outcomes our co-dependent habit and moved into my parents house where I have been drinking daily and binging at weekends ending in last weekend when I started Thursday and by Sunday my dad says you will have to leave here. The next morning hung over and partly drunk he insists I have to go today, fine I think I can head to a hotel and hit the bar. Trouble was it had snowed overnight and in England we can’t cope with snow so I couldn’t get my car out of their drive to leave nor could I purchase more booze. So I have to stay another day and go cold turkey.
After a difficult night of sweating and struggling to sleep I wake up in a better state of mind I chat to my dad and he agrees to let me stay if I don’t drink. My higher power may just have sent that snow. 3 days of sober later I’m feeling quite positive, but I have been here before so do have my concerns, to get my love hate ratio in the correct order.
I have read the big book and understand it mostly but I want to do the steps, I sort of don’t want to go back to meetings, has anyone worked the steps on there own, I see there is lots of info in the 12 step area.
I am currently working step 1 - 2 and 3 are done as far as I am concerned but am not sure if I am doing those wrong which is I always seem to get back at 1. My life has become unmanageable but after a bit of sober time it's manageable. Reason it's manageable, I don't drink, there's the logic but oh no I think I'm fixed and can drink again and again it becomes unmanageable, guess that's the disease at work ha. You forget how low the last drunk took you very easily.
Anyway that’s it love the forum and felt I would like to take part and begin to post and look for some help and maybe help others in the process. Any thoughts would be great
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Here's me. but when drinking could be found in doorways!
Posts: 1,138
Sorry I cant really give any advice on the 12 steps. I'm new to this too, but i did want to welcome you.
This is a good place and it does help.
Be well
louis
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
There are 2 parts to step 1, separated by a hyphen:
So when the alcohol intake stops, as you have noticed, the life becomes somewhat manageable.
BUT WE ARE STILL POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL!
So don't drink. One day at a time.
I don't know what is so bad about meetings, care to share that?
We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable
BUT WE ARE STILL POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL!
So don't drink. One day at a time.
I don't know what is so bad about meetings, care to share that?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: London England
Posts: 38
I love my drinking, it's true, I love it but sometimes it takes me to a place where I hate it. Why does anyone pick up they enjoy the effect. for step 1 I followed a thread on here and wrote the distruction is having on my life, I can post it here but it is long and personal. Step 2 I already believe in a power greater than me. Step 3 I pray, I don't meditate, I don't know how, I am trying to be a kinder person and let my HP lead me, not myself living without resentment. I read through just for today and try to apply some of it I don't always succed. We all must have loved our drinking at some point I would assume that's how we got here
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I just wanted to pop in and say welcome too.
There is a section further down
Alcoholism-12 step support that will likely have answers to a lot of your questions.
Good luck. You are not alone.
There is a section further down
Alcoholism-12 step support that will likely have answers to a lot of your questions.
Good luck. You are not alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: London England
Posts: 38
Dgillz
There is nothing wrong with meetings, I did at times enjoy them. But to sit in a room hearing talk about drinking in the end just isn't how I'd like to spend my free time. It's better than being in a bar and drinking admitadly, but there is more I'd like to do instead whilst working recovery. I never liked sharing in meetings so often felt like I was not part. Some people are so interesting and articulate that I didn't have the confidence to. I think they're great but just not for me.
There is nothing wrong with meetings, I did at times enjoy them. But to sit in a room hearing talk about drinking in the end just isn't how I'd like to spend my free time. It's better than being in a bar and drinking admitadly, but there is more I'd like to do instead whilst working recovery. I never liked sharing in meetings so often felt like I was not part. Some people are so interesting and articulate that I didn't have the confidence to. I think they're great but just not for me.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Welcome!
Hmm. I would encourage you to attend meetings. I do not believe that you can or should work the steps by yourself. That is what a sponsor is for, to guide and direct you through the steps. You can not do a Step 5 alone and I truly could not have gotten through my steps without my sponsor to help me.
It has been a while since I loved my alcohol. I lived to escape and alcohol did that for me. And I loved the first drink knowing that I was on my way to numbing out.
Do you have a 12 & 12? That along with the Big Book would be helpful in guiding you but I truly believe that you need another person as well.
Best of luck!
Hmm. I would encourage you to attend meetings. I do not believe that you can or should work the steps by yourself. That is what a sponsor is for, to guide and direct you through the steps. You can not do a Step 5 alone and I truly could not have gotten through my steps without my sponsor to help me.
It has been a while since I loved my alcohol. I lived to escape and alcohol did that for me. And I loved the first drink knowing that I was on my way to numbing out.
Do you have a 12 & 12? That along with the Big Book would be helpful in guiding you but I truly believe that you need another person as well.
Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Originally Posted by xym297 
I love my drinking, it's true, I love it but sometimes it takes me to a place where I hate it. Why does anyone pick up they enjoy the effect. for step 1 I followed a thread on here and wrote the distruction is having on my life, I can post it here but it is long and personal. Step 2 I already believe in a power greater than me. Step 3 I pray, I don't meditate, I don't know how, I am trying to be a kinder person and let my HP lead me, not myself living without resentment. I read through just for today and try to apply some of it I don't always succed. We all must have loved our drinking at some point I would assume that's how we got here
Yes i loved the effect of alcohol.......not sure i loved alcohol for anything else.
I drank meths when i was 18 so that was never about the taste or companionship...or any other connection.
Although my drinking went through brief periods of.........good time drinking.
long long way back though.
BUT i never drank like anyone else............my drinking was always different from my pals.........when they went home..........i went to the club.
I AM POWERLESS BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN AND IF I WILL STOP WHEN I START.......NO ELEMENT OF CONTROL............PERIOD.
i persue that "feeling" it gave me............till i had nothing........and i mean NOTHING........all i had were my clothes from the sally army......god bless them.
Id say thats pretty unmanagable...............and thats just the begining..
So the two go hand in hand right?
Just because i dont drink doesnt mean i get the control back...not that i ever had it.
and how do i know that?...because IVE TRIED EVERY SINGLE ANGLE TO TRY AND DRINK AND I ALWAYS ENDED UP IN A WORSE STATE.
It will never ever ever ever go away.......in fact its out in the garden shed....doing press-ups waiting for me to have.."just one"
But unlike other serious illnesses.....i have a daily reprieve...i dont have to put myself through that s....t as long as today i dont drink.
After a while that awful yearning and compultion for drink left me.
And my life opened up like a beautiful flower...........and continued to grow.
Do you have a sponsor to help you with this?
Its real important..imo...
Thankyou for posting that........it shows a willingness and openmindness.
And that my friend will set you in good stead to work the rest of those steps.
Keep posting....id be reeal interested on how you get on with them.
God be with you and point you toward freedom..............trucker
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
2) Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Could, not would.
The "Insanity" is taking a drink, knowing full and well what the end result will be.
"Insanity" is defined as an inability to differentiate between good and bad, right and wrong, etc... It's the inability to make our own decisions.
God "Could" knock the drink out of your hand, but he won't. God will not give you the Spititual Awakening that it takes. "To manifest a personality change sufficient to recover from Alcoholism"
That means that Sanity will return when you have had a Spiritual Awakening as a result of these steps.
3) "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him". God did not intend for me to become what I did. Neither did I.
I have lost my choice when it comes to drinking (step 2) and I made a decision to become the person that God put me here to be! (step 3)
Knowing that, by the time you can call step 2-3 complete (honestly) you will not be drinking.
That's my take on it.
Could, not would.
The "Insanity" is taking a drink, knowing full and well what the end result will be.
"Insanity" is defined as an inability to differentiate between good and bad, right and wrong, etc... It's the inability to make our own decisions.
God "Could" knock the drink out of your hand, but he won't. God will not give you the Spititual Awakening that it takes. "To manifest a personality change sufficient to recover from Alcoholism"
That means that Sanity will return when you have had a Spiritual Awakening as a result of these steps.
3) "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him". God did not intend for me to become what I did. Neither did I.
I have lost my choice when it comes to drinking (step 2) and I made a decision to become the person that God put me here to be! (step 3)
Knowing that, by the time you can call step 2-3 complete (honestly) you will not be drinking.
That's my take on it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by xym297
Dgillz
There is nothing wrong with meetings, I did at times enjoy them. But to sit in a room hearing talk about drinking in the end just isn't how I'd like to spend my free time. It's better than being in a bar and drinking admitadly, but there is more I'd like to do instead whilst working recovery. I never liked sharing in meetings so often felt like I was not part. Some people are so interesting and articulate that I didn't have the confidence to. I think they're great but just not for me.
There is nothing wrong with meetings, I did at times enjoy them. But to sit in a room hearing talk about drinking in the end just isn't how I'd like to spend my free time. It's better than being in a bar and drinking admitadly, but there is more I'd like to do instead whilst working recovery. I never liked sharing in meetings so often felt like I was not part. Some people are so interesting and articulate that I didn't have the confidence to. I think they're great but just not for me.
This in turn makes some groups less than functional. A certain amount of telling your drunkalog will always be around, and as long as it is in context and meant to help the fellow suffering Alkie or to attract a newcomer, it is healthy.
I say keep trying several groups until you find one you jell with. If you don't do this you really haven't "tried" AA, again just MHO.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by xym297
Dgillz
Just wanted to add thanks for pointing the hypen out, just been thinking about that a very interesting point, never looked at that statement in that way
Just wanted to add thanks for pointing the hypen out, just been thinking about that a very interesting point, never looked at that statement in that way
You said earlier that as far as you were concerned, you had worked steps 1 thru 3. I respectfully submit that you have yet to work step 1.
I tried to work the steps on my own too, before I gave in and got a sponsor. Even then, I did a crappy step 4, and the rest of my steps suffered. As a result I am redoing steps 4-9, which is not uncommon in AA at all.
This is a lifetime commitment after all, there is nothing in the 12 steps that says "you're done, don't let the doorknob hit you in the @ss".
Living in sobriety
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,870
has anyone worked the steps on there own, I see there is lots of info in the 12 step area
Steps are not meant to be worked alone. It says "we are powerless not I am powerless"
If I could have worked it all out on my own I would be done long ago and "sorted" unfortunately the rattling that goes on in my head a lot of the time is way off the mark and I need others to point that out. I have read the "big book" in early soberity and dismissed a lot of it, but it had a funny way of making complete sense as time went on. I can read something and put my own slant on it to suit my needs. Dangerous. This disease is cunning and baffling and all about I, self and me we need to break out of that. These are the steps we took....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by nelco
.
Steps are not meant to be worked alone. It says "we are powerless not I am powerless". If I could have worked it all out on my own I would be done long ago
Steps are not meant to be worked alone. It says "we are powerless not I am powerless". If I could have worked it all out on my own I would be done long ago
This is pretty good evidence that the founders never meant for the drunks to go it alone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Welcome xym...the first step to sobriety is to stop drinking. That is true of any program you use. Have you considered looking into any other programs? There is a sticky provided with links to other programs that can be worked without meetings and sponsors.
Many people have found sobriety without aa...if meetings are not something you find useful rest assured you are not alone.
Best of luck and keep posting!
Many people have found sobriety without aa...if meetings are not something you find useful rest assured you are not alone.
Best of luck and keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Oregon
Posts: 212
Hi Xym- I recently bought the Big Book (although I bought the version without the testimonials so it isn't that 'big'!). I am planning on trying to work the steps alone. I haven't ruled out AA meetings altogether, but like you, there are better ways I would like to spend my free time.
Someone mentioned there is a steps forum on this site, so I am going to check that out as well.
Someone mentioned there is a steps forum on this site, so I am going to check that out as well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Really, I think you should have a sponsor to do the steps and you can't find a sponsor unless you go to meetings, however here is some audio stuff you could listen including "Joe and Charlie Big Book study"
Downloads & mp3's from silkworth.net
***** groups also have a BB study group that you could look into
bigbookmeeting : The Online Big Book Study
Downloads & mp3's from silkworth.net
***** groups also have a BB study group that you could look into
bigbookmeeting : The Online Big Book Study
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