FreeinMilwaukee

Hi everyone. I went 31 days starting on New Year's Eve and then made a very bad choice this weekend by drinking at a family reunion. I'm trying not to stay down and keep fighting but I feel just awful. In addition to being very frustrated and disappointed in myself, I also feel physically terrible. My sleep is shot, my skin feels like it's on fire and I'm nauseous. Also, I can't really think straight and just want to be alone. Usually I start feeling better by day 3 but I feel like I was drinking last night. And I wasn't!

One thing this lapse proved overwhelmingly is that I CANNOT ever, ever, ever drink again. My body clearly will not tolerate it. I wonder if this just seems worse because I had felt so happy and clear when I wasn't drinking. By comparison, this is not how I want to be. I wish it would stop.

masseyman

Keep working hard Free... you did the sober thing before, you can do it again.

Got a lot of folks here rootin' for ya.

Hang in there, and God bless.

Taking5

Welcome back. What are you going to do differently this time to make sure you never take that first drink?

Fubarcdn

I hate to say this free but it is good that you are feeling crappy. I am sure it will pass soon but remembering how you feel will help you resist the next time. Maybe it is your bodies way of telling you this is not for me.

After saying that I hope you feel better real soon.
You did the right thing by starting stopping again immediately and for that my hat is off to you.

yeahgr8

Hi sounds like symptoms of real stress and depression chucked in there as you were doing so well and feel bad about drinking again! Go for it again, the time you stopped for is not wasted at all and you will get there if you keep trying that is certain!

weekendbinger

Great job coming back to SR so quickly and admitting your mistake. It sounds like this relapse could be the one that keeps you sober going forward. Print out your post and keep it with you!!! Hope you feel better soon.....but don't forget.

:ghug3

ViciousCycle

I was just going to add something similar and then I read Yeah's post. There may be a nice batch of stress with a sprinkle of the guilts in there. That can cause havoc on the physical body. Be good to you and take it slow. Eat well, drink plenty of healthy fluids, good sleep, you'll come around.

We are here to listen. Take care of you!:ghug

prettypoison

I'm glad you came back :ghug2

Anna

Hi,

I'm glad you're back!

James13

Glad you are back, and you have my support in this great decision.

Congratulations!

CarolD

You learned a valuable lesson.....I'm glad you are starting over.

ToABetterMe

31 days is great & gives you the confidence that you can do it again! Don't beat yourself up too much over a weekend that you thought you could handle, but learned it is not what you need, or what your body wants.
Your back & on track! Good for you!

FreeinMilwaukee

Thanks everyone. You are all so wonderful. The physical/emotional discomfort and guilt I feel right now are stronger than my last binge at Christmas. I think alot of shame and embarrassment are in there as well. One of the worst feelings was knowing I had to admit my lapse to all of you. I'm still very committed to fighting this addiction with everything I have and having my life back for keeps. I'm 34-1 and not giving up. What will I do differently? I think I may have to miss out on some fun but risky events until I am more comfortable in this new lifestyle. That means no gatherings with alcohol, no sporting events, and no restaurants on weekends. I will still have fun and enjoy life, but I'll stick to less risky events for the time being.

FreeinMilwaukee

If it makes any difference, I went to the reunion with the intention of not drinking. I sipped on soda and had alot of fun until I made a split second bad decision and had that first one. As they say, one is too many and two is not enough. I wasn't ready to take on an event of that magnitude and probably won't be for some time.

FreeinMilwaukee

Today is day 4 and I'm feeling groovy. That awful hangover is finally subsiding and I am starting to redeem myself. I ordered a package last week that finally came in the mail. It felt like a present my past self sent to my present self. The best gift I can send forward to my future self is sobriety. That's a gift that I can enjoy today AND tomorrow. The guilt and shame over messing up this weekend are starting to fade away and my happiness is starting to return. I'm not 100% yet, but as Fubar said it's probably good to have a temporary reminder of how poor of a choice having a drink is. As Prettypoison said, the price of that first drink is just way, way too high. In an odd way, slipping up may have actually made me stronger. It was painful and embarrassing, but it has really fortified my resolve to be rid of my old, worn-out, self-destructive lifestyle. I want to stay sober now more than ever.

lovinmenow

Hi FIM,
Glad you are feeling better. Just rest, take lots of vitamins and drink plenty of water. Once you feel even better you be a new person! You just got to pick yourself up and move on. Today is a new day. You can do it!

Horselover

"One thing this lapse proved overwhelmingly is that I CANNOT ever, ever, ever drink again. My body clearly will not tolerate it. I wonder if this just seems worse because I had felt so happy and clear when I wasn't drinking. By comparison, this is not how I want to be. I wish it would stop."

Then the relapse proved successful for you and you will DEFINITELY make it this time. It is not a failure if you don't give up and you still have that sober time. Don't get too down on yourself because today is a new day!

Horselover

Just read this Free and it says it all. Amen!

FreeinMilwaukee

I am taking your advice and printing this thread out so I can refer to it often. This last lapse really strengthened my resolve to stay free. I'm on day 7 again! Last night I had a dream a friend came over and was using. I asked him for a drink and he told me "no, you don't do that anymore." So, I didn't drink in my dream. That was unusual for one of my using dreams. Anyway, the weather is beautiful here (compared to how it's been) and I've got a list of things to complete. It's so nice to be able to get things done without having to maneuver around a dreadful hangover.

Fubarcdn

It is good that you have such good friends that won't allow you to use even if it is only in your dreams.