BeyondBSC

Remember my XABF who came to my house with weapons…I ran into him on Sunday before the Steeler Game in the grocery store…he acted as if I was his long lost friend. I could tell that he had been taking some benzo’s and drinking, just by his look. I have a restraining order on him, but he thought nothing of coming up to me and calling me by a pet name and reaching out to hug me. I just stood there for a moment dumbfounded. I said hello, and walked away. He followed behind talking to the back of my head. All very strange if you ask me, nothing threatening, saying the he was doing good, he is sorry for anything he did to scare or hurt me, that he knows that I am with someone else and that is cool, blah blah blah. I did not want to make a scene so as soon as I got to the end of the isle, I just left my things in the cart and walked out. I was gone from my home for a day, came back and noticed that someone had been walking through my back yard, footprints in the snow. Now I am nervous. I thought that I knew him, and when I see him, I feel bad, almost responsible for him, but I know that he is dangerous. I wish there was a handbook to know what to expect from him. I know that it is a violation of the order to have contact, but it was limited. I don’t want to report it to the authorities, they have been ZERO help. Advise would be nice right now.

PaperDolls

I don't have any advice for you, I wish I did. I know there will be some others come around soon with great advice.

Sounds to me like you're doing the right thing and you know it. Stay strong!!

Freedom1990

It doesn't do much good to have a restraining order if you don't report violations, no matter how limited the contact.

As for what to expect from an active addict, I would expect the unexpected.

Just my two cents.

WorriedWoman

Do you have any room in your house for a dog???

There is a lot of semi aggressive dogs that will die for their handler..

Im a dogtrainer and I often rehab these, they are very often an amazing defense for a woman in your situation and a "legal" weapon as well...

If you cuddle the dog, give it a lot of treats, most dogs with somewhat aggressive background will bond to you, he comes close, he's not likely to stand a chance or at least the dog will give you a chance to get away.

It might sound a bit harsh and I don't wish a dog to die, but they will be pts in the shelter anyhow, better he has a chance of a good life and can help you at the same time.

If you are close to NY I can help you find one..

BeyondBSC

Laughing about the dog thing…he is a luver not a fighter! Hahaha. I do have a weapon, so I am safe as long as I am not taken completely by surprise. You are right Freedom…I am calling to report now. I think I sometimes just need someone to remind me to expect the unexpected.
I am glad to have found this sight. It has given me validity to my feelings, something I have not had in a long time. Thank you.

Barbara52

Call and report the violation of the restraining order. That is how you can take an obvious step to protect yourself.

If there is a next time, call as the violation is happening.

WorriedWoman

Ahhh you already had a dog, I have two dogs, of whom one is trained as protective k9, then I also handle my neighbours dog but he's aggressive of nature. He tries to attack everyone but me, and I was thinking if you had one of them dogs in your home, even if he broke in the dog would cause him serious issues, he would kill or be killed, either way it would give you time to get your weapon out or get you running etc..

and you are doing the right thing by calling in the violation. Stay safe girl!!!

Freedom1990

I'm glad you're making the call to report it!

The thing is, if we give an addict an inch, they will take a mile.

Having that contact go unreported sends the message to him it was okay-he got away with it.

It escalates from there.

I was so incredibly blessed in that when I left the EXAH, I banked on the fact he was too strung out and paranoid to drive the 2 hours away I had moved to harrass me, and I was right.

GiveLove

Can you take photos of the footprints in the snow, BSC? Glad you're going to report this. He's dangerous and needs to know that even approaching you in a grocery store may get him into a world of hurt. Take good care of yourself and watch your back for a few days. Keep us posted?

Taking5

Yes, please report. I doubt very much if it was a chance meeting, unless you both live in the same neighborhood.

The footprints in the snow will not likely be proof but it is enough to call on. If you can get a plaster cast of the footprint, it may be able to be matched to his boots. At the very least it would be nice to have on officer ask to see all his footware and scare the crap out of him!

BeyondBSC

Not only the same neighborhood, but he can see my house from his...plus his friends are my friends. To the extent that I date his "brother". Who knows him much better than I. Thank God. He keeps me grounded and I feel safe with him. Not that the XBF is the topic of coversation between my BF and I, except in situations like this. He too said to report it, and to be careful.
I reported. Not sure what the local police will do, if anything.
Thanks everyone.