ProblemDrinker

Hello everyone,

I am new here and have taken my last drink on saturday night so I guess this is day 2 for me..

I'm 31, have a wife who I love and respect very much (though I haven't been showing on occasions) a good job, but my problem is drinking. It always has been. This weekend was the last straw, me and my wife went on a boat trip some friends of our friends kindly asked us to. 12 people in total..and guess what? I got totally smashed at the dinner table and blacked out for about 3 hours. The next day on the boat people were trying to laugh it off, but I know, that I spoiled most peoples evening with my shouting and stupidness. The guilt is unreal. No more boat trips for us I guess..

Ultimatum from my wife as these blackouts have happened once too often to be forgiven quickly. Sort out your problem or I'm gone. On top of it, she lost a very close family member a couple of weekes before, so this was meant to be her 'quiet' reflection...not me going berserk.

Problem is its not possible to go to meetings where I live, I am not dependant on alcohol, but I just do not know when to stop. So now, I'm thinking I should just pack it in completely and adjust my life accordingly.

Has anyone got suggestions about the best course of action - I need to be seen to be making an effort in dealing with my problem..

Thanks

grateful2b

Welcome, PD
congratulations on day 2!
there is a lot of good information and support here so take a lot around.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

If you want to stop drinking, we are here to support you.

It's always a good idea to talk to your dr because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.

The best course of action is to not drink tonight. Early recovery usually involves changes in lifestyle, friends and activities. Focus on your recovery and you'll be fine.

michigangirl

Welcome ProblemDrinker.. you have found a wonderful place for support. Reading and posting everyday is the best help I have ever received, because of the wonderful people here.

I never drank everyday, but could not control how much I drank once I started. I have found it is so much easier to "not drink" than to moderate. I to constantly had blackouts, and things continually got worse in my life and my husband was at his wits end. If you really want to do this, just take it one day at a time. We are here for you.

dedubya

man have i been where youre at- i am struggling also. best wishes. this website is really cool. although i need to grow the stones to take care of my problem once and for all. dont screw up your family dude. i have had my moments....
Dub

serenityqueen

ProblemDrinker

Thanks for the kind and positive words. Michigangirl, blackouts have always been my problem right through my 20's, nearly died once, lost a job..just lose respect from everyone and most of all I was losing my self respect.

I think giving up completely is my only option.

51Anna, I will make an appointment tomorrow..just to be on the safe side

CAPTAINZING2000

welcome

why can't you go to a meeting where you live?

NewDayNow

Sounds like a good course of action PD. Keep us posted

Ed

ProblemDrinker

Serenityqueen,

We live on a small island of about 20,000. Anonymity just doesn't exist here..there is a small organization but I'm worried, people might talk, employer might find out - not good.

Thanks for the welcome

dedubya

Sixx AM! ex-rocker here, played hard rock professionally for 17 yrs or so- love it! kind of got me into my mess. hope Nikki is hanging in- think he is. love the crue still.

Rowan

Hi PD,

Welcome. You are wise to seek help with your drinking. I got sober and stay that way through Alcoholics Anonymous. For me, quitting drinking was just the beginning; not only did I need help to stay stopped, but I needed help clearing up the wreckage of my past, and to learn how to live a healthy and productive life without alcohol. Working the 12 Steps and helping others have helped me enormously.

Whatever your course, stay true to it. Stick around and let us get to know you.

Ro

CAPTAINZING2000

ah let me get this straight

You're not bothered by passing out and looking silly in front of friends but, you're concerned with making yourself well.

I'd rather, have people see me coherent then, a stumbling drunken fool I once was.

Question for you, is everyone on these boat trips passing out as well?

CAPTAINZING2000

btw

I live in a town of 6000

ProblemDrinker

Captainzing, true words.

No, everyone was drinking (there is a big expat community of drinking which makes things more difficult) but everyone was being nice and enjoying themselves.

I was throwing food around the table and telling everyone to fvck off (apparently)

I don't remember a thing. That's what worries me, I cannot be bothered with this awful feeling after a night out. Why can't I just enjoy a few drinks like a normal person? Probably because I'm an alcoholic..

CAPTAINZING2000

Try a meeting. One isn't going to hurt. If, you don't like the meeting, don't go back. No one there will divulge seeing there. You might run into some real good people there.

BTW,

I'm not trying to bust your chops here. You remind me of me with your explanations.

Rowan

Yes, because you are an alcoholic. Read about alcoholism and find out what exactly it means to suffer from it. There are 'Stickys' at the top of each forum. If you go to the Alcoholism forum there are some good ones. In particular, excerpts from the book Under the Influence. I read it and it's follow-up, Beyond the Influence. What I read made sense to me. Today, I don't blame myself for being an alcoholic. It's not my fault.

But, what I choose to do with this knowledge ... I am responsible for.

Believe it or not, life can be incredible without booze to blur it. It may take a while to get there, but when you do - you'll be amazed.

ProblemDrinker

Thanks CZ. I will look into it for sure.

It has nothing to do with any 'stigma' of addiction groups, just purely worried that if anyone found out, word would travel quick...but like you said, not as quick as when I act the fool.

lovinmenow

Sounds like you may not be sure if you fit into the "alcoholic" category.
Thanks to CarolD for this one in her previous post in another thread:

Here's how alcoholism typically progresses:

SOCIAL DRINKERS — Most Americans are characterized as social drinkers. Statistics indicate, however, that one of every 16 drinkers will become alcoholic.

WARNING SIGNS — The individual begins to drink more frequently and more than his associates. He drinks for confidence or to tolerate or escape problems. No party or other occasion is complete without a couple of drinks. Driving and drinking become routine.

EARLY ALCOHOLISM — With increasing frequency, the individual drinks too much. "Blackouts," or temporary amnesia, occur during or following drinking episodes. He drinks more rapidly than others, sneaks drinks and in other ways conceals the quantity that he drinks. He resents any reference to his drinking habits.

BASIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual begins to lose control as to the time, place and amount of his drinking. He gets drunk unintentionally. He hides and protects his liquor supply. He drinks to overcome the hangover from his prior drinking. He tries new patterns of drinking as to time and place of drinking. He attempts cures by moving to new locations or by changing his drinking companions.

CHRONIC ALCOHOLISM — The individual becomes a loner in his drinking. He develops alibis, excuses and rationalizations to cover up or explain his drinking. Personality and behavior changes occur that affect all relationships — family, employment, community. Extended binges, physical tremors, hallucinations and delirium, complete rejection of social reality, malnutrition with accompanying illness and disease and early death all occur as chronic alcoholism progresses.


Source: American Medical Association

There are many good books on alcoholism also. Under the influence, Beyond the Influence are two very popular ones. I found that reading about this problem has helped me understand this addiction and what to expect from it.
Good luck!:ghug

snowdog

Problem Drinker- welcome! A lot of folks on this site have managed to stay sober without meetings and if that is your choice, you can do it too! Everyone makes their own path to sobriety.

As has been pointed out above, there is lots of good information available for you here and lots of support.

Good luck!