sillysquirrel

I am new here and have posted my story a couple of days ago under the title "Help, is my husband an alcoholic?".

Now that I have finally taken the first steps towards getting out of this terrible marriage, I have a new fear....VISITATION!!!

My kids are going to be in constant danger with this man. I am able to control his time spent with them now because we still live together. But, when I file for divorce and hopefully get him out of the house for good and he eventually gets visitation rights (I am assuming he won't get any custody as I am a stable self-employed stay at home mom and he is a drunk...hopefully anyway...that's a whole new worry). Anyway, what if he gets them every other weekend? I don't know how I will be able to hand them over to him. I have absolutely no trust in him. Any advice?? Any way to prevent any kind of unsupervised visitation? I don't want to keep him from the kids because they love their dad, although the 2 older ones are showing signs of resentment. But, for example, I wouldn't mind him seeing them if it were at his folks house, where his mother can make sure they are cared for and not put in harm's way.

Comments, please!!

Barbara52

Since the laws vary so much between jurisdictions, your best bet is to consult with an attorney and find out what your options are. You may be able to get supervised visitation for him.

escape artist

I got full custody of my kids, and so i determine when he sees them. i also stipulated to him that they will not be around him when he is drinking nor around any of his drunk/drugged family. else he will not be seeing them. We had a dissolution, I went to a lawyer, she wrote up the papers, he read it and signed it. I told him point blank, you are unfit to have any custody of my kids and if you want to fight about it, i will expose everything about you and you will be lucky they don't throw you in jail.

the surprise is that -sometimes it seems he got off the hook, he has more free time to pursue other relationships while i am at home with the kids. so, we worked out a schedule for them to see him, two evenings a week, and one weekend a month. I'm ok with it. If anything, at least my children do not see their dad doing everything with a beer in his hand, or constantly running out to get high. They might have confusion when his poor behaviors show themselves but they don't seem to hide such occurances as they feel ok talking about what happened "grandma was acting really strange" and how it made them feel "it made me feel confused". like what they say, if it is good for the family, it is good for the alcoholic. so i would encourage you to stand up for your children and not even let him have custody or visitation rights, he is sick and unfit if he is an active drunk and you can tell the courts that too.

blessed4x

sillysquirrel.....Your concern was mine as well. I think you will feel so much better after talking with an attorney. You can hear all kinds of war stories about divorces gone bad, but every single case is individual. Getting legal advice in most places is free, and doesn't mean you have to move forward with a divorce right now, but it allows you to weigh your options.

CAPTAINZING2000

Has you husband got a record for his past drinking?

If, it's just your word against his, without cooperation from him on this, you'll need other people to testify on your behalf.

As shocking as this may sound, people do make up stories on their spouses in court for revenge

coyote21

Hanging out with/interacting with/caring for/nurturing children, really cuts into a drunks drinking time. Similar to holding down a full time job. :wtf2

I know that, at first, this visitation thing was a very real fear for me, but Hp has a way of working these kinds of things out.

One day at a time, crossed that bridge when I came to it.

Thanks and God bless us all, :ghug2
Coyote

sillysquirrel

Blessed4x, I agree. I do think that I will feel much better after talking to an attorney. I have one picked out and I know he is the one I want. I am just waiting for a call back. He was in court most of today and his secretary didn't think he would get back to me until Tuesday. In the meantime, I am having all kinds of scenarios play out in my head of what is yet to come.

Oh, and get this one...My hubby just out of the blue says he is done drinking for good. Now if I had a quarter for everytime I heard that line....He doesn't know I called the lawyer, has no idea of what is going thru my head. I don't want him to know. He would somehow talk me out of it, behave for a month or so, and then WHAMMO, another binge. I know how this cycle works.

I know he is trying to manipulate me. He is the master at manipulation. His own mother, who loves him dearly, says he is a manipulator.

So, I must go now and put my kiddos to bed. Hubby is too busy in his recliner watching tv to help...the story of my life...

justaboutus

I've realized I have no control over visitation. I don't decide it. I can't watch my AH 24/7. All I can do is what I've done. I have 6 months of documented alcohol abuse and inhumane treatment. I will have my lawyer present this to the judge and the rest is in God's hands. Whatever happens, I trust it's God's will and He has a plan for my daughter and me.

CAPTAINZING2000

So, he told you he's going to go to AA, or seek other treatment??

Barbara52

An excellent way to drive yourself crazy you know.

Dealing in the "what if," what "might be" and so on gets one nowhere.

Consult with the attorney, gets the facts and your options before you drive yourself nuts worrying and wondering about all those scenarios.

Startingover2

This was my biggest fear and still is. I got full custody with supervised visits to him in my home. Our child is still a baby though.

Do you have any legal proof (DUI, etc.) that shows your h's drinking habits? That is the best, but if not document everytime he drinks and how he behaves. Like someone said above unless you provide proof it will be your word against his. Get your ducks lined up before you spring this on him.

sillysquirrel

No, nothing about AA or any kind of treatment program. Just that he is going to quit drinking on his own. Believe me, he can't. I don't think he would ever go to any treatment program. He doesn't think he is an alcoholic, just likes to have few beers/drinks once in awhile is what he says. He is just saying that because I think he is sensing that I may have been pushed too far this time.