Yes, I Do Have Choices
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 341
Yes, I Do Have Choices
I've been seperated from my AH for almost two weeks now. I bring the boys over on Saturday to visit him. I am really starting to feel like my old self again and am actually happy and relaxed for the first time in a while. The boys don't seem to fight as much and seem more relaxed too. When I bring the boys over to the house me and my AH usually have small talk, but when he starts with his pity party I am out the door as I've heard it for so long and can't stand it anymore as he starts to sound like the AFLAC duck.
Sad, but my AH has not gone through with any of the promises he made about going to AA (or any kind of treatment) or the psychiatrist (lies about calling them - his choice), so I can see where he stands. He obviously has made his choice and I know that it does not include any kind of recovery.
I have found out that I DO have choices. I could stay stuck playing the martyr in a sick marriage, or I could get out and work on myself and work toward a better life. I have chosen to get out and I am starting to realize that I probably saved my sanity just in time. I have also chosen not to feel guilty about his drinking because I did not cause it (no matter what he says) and I can't cure him - only he can do that. I told him we (his family including his parents) worry about him and pray for him and I leave it at that.
It is obvious that he has depended on me for so long that he can't even take care of himself and his basic needs. Funny, he had me convinced all of those years that I was dependent upon him, but I'm finding that I am much, much stronger then I realized. It is sad that while I'm getting stronger it seems like he is falling apart. Maybe he will reach rock bottom, maybe not - but I can't control that either so I'm not even going to try.
Sad, but my AH has not gone through with any of the promises he made about going to AA (or any kind of treatment) or the psychiatrist (lies about calling them - his choice), so I can see where he stands. He obviously has made his choice and I know that it does not include any kind of recovery.
I have found out that I DO have choices. I could stay stuck playing the martyr in a sick marriage, or I could get out and work on myself and work toward a better life. I have chosen to get out and I am starting to realize that I probably saved my sanity just in time. I have also chosen not to feel guilty about his drinking because I did not cause it (no matter what he says) and I can't cure him - only he can do that. I told him we (his family including his parents) worry about him and pray for him and I leave it at that.
It is obvious that he has depended on me for so long that he can't even take care of himself and his basic needs. Funny, he had me convinced all of those years that I was dependent upon him, but I'm finding that I am much, much stronger then I realized. It is sad that while I'm getting stronger it seems like he is falling apart. Maybe he will reach rock bottom, maybe not - but I can't control that either so I'm not even going to try.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Stick to your guns !!
You and your kids deserve a life without empty promises.
You need a full time husband and your kids need a full time father. He's neither of those two if, drinking is his number #1 love.
Put him on the spot, tell him you'd love to go to an open AA meeting. If, he makes excuses then, you tried your best.
He's got to get sober cause, he feels it's the right thing for him to do.
You and your kids deserve a life without empty promises.
You need a full time husband and your kids need a full time father. He's neither of those two if, drinking is his number #1 love.
Put him on the spot, tell him you'd love to go to an open AA meeting. If, he makes excuses then, you tried your best.
He's got to get sober cause, he feels it's the right thing for him to do.
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