Chino

Over the last month, and especially this week, I noticed how much my relationships/friendships have changed during this past year. I'm still close with other codies, but only the ones who are actively working on themselves. With the rest, so much distance has grown between us it was like watching a boat go out to sea. I wish them well and hope they make it into port safe and sound, wherever that may be.

Then there are the friendships that have developed or grown stronger. These are people who aren't codie or if they are, they dealt with it long before I met them. Some of them have always lead 'normal' lives and the others survived, overcame, and thrived despite all sorts of dysfunction.

The way these people have interacted with me stands out. Most of them know about my daughter and other personal details, and they always encouraged me to continue with my therapy, personal growth. All of them have firm boundaries and I never attempted to breach them. No one ever had to verbalize them to me, it was just something I sensed and respected, also observed in their interactions with others. And all of them treated me as if I had the same boundaries. They live the Golden Rule.

Now I am challenged. I told my therapist the other day I finally feel balanced. There is no drama in my world. There is drama in some people's lives around me, but it's theirs and I no longer choose to own it. So why and how am I challenged? I'm an adrenaline junkie and always have been. I've always known this and have freely acknowledged it.

I thought the hardest part - detachment - was behind me. Nope, the hardest part has now started. Staying detached from other's dramas, not going back to the old playground (just like an addict has to do), and substituting my addiction with another.

Like my therapist said, I've detoxed from drama and now what? It's time for me to get VERY busy working on that answer.

Impurrfect

(((Chino)))

I can SOOOO identify with you. I, too, am an adrenaline junkie and used to CAUSE drama if there wasn't enough in my life. For me, I think my addiction cured me I never thought I could be content NOT having drama going on, but I am.

So, I don't have any great advice, but I can promise you that you will get used to not having the drama, and, in fact, you will become very protective of a life without it. I still get a little "rush", but it's when things are really busy at work and I need to throw myself in overdrive...."normal" little things. Other than that, I might as well have a "No drama zone" sign posted

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Chino

I've created it too. I have to remember idol hands are the devil's tools. I need to create adventure and something positive, instead. Cabin fever is killing me right now and I'm sniffling, too. Thank goodness I'm going out of town next week. Hiking around the southwest with my camera is like nirvana. When I get back I'm promising myself a hike at least once a week. There are so many beautiful state parks around me in a day's drive. And it's time to start volunteering again.

Wow it's no wonder I identify with addicts because I have an addiction too. I took speed four times when I was a teenager. My head wanted to explode the last time so I never did it again, but I did like the buzz. The fifth time and last time I did coke I puked my guts up, so I never did that again either. Fruity drinks make me do somersaults so I avoid them like the plague. I liked the buzz but not the consequences. I told my therapist I'm finally accepting what it means to have an addictive personality and be an adrenaline junkie. Thank you God for the consequences.

marle

Just give yourself time. I have found that the longer I am away from the drama, the less I want to be a part of it and the less of it I want to create myself. Hugs, Marle

Seren

(((Chino)))

That's so awesome. What a wonderful place to be. Congratulations!

Hugs, HG

winnie12

I agree so much with Marle
give it time - you have a new way of looking at things and your mind needs to retrain to cope without the "excitement" and accept the peace. Try exercise or dancing - something physical is a great way to get that adrenaline flowing in a positive way.

sleepygoat

This is interesting. Most recovering addicts go thru a period of time (years) when they substitute other addictions for the drugs (food, sex, shopping, video games, etc). Most eventually give each one up because these substitutes also get out of control and there are unwanted consequences, and control is difficult. Been there, done that. For a long time after giving up the last one (smoking), as well as overeating and over-shopping - I was pretty unhappy. then someone on my quitsmoking website said "if you give up all of your addictive behavior and you don't replace them with gratitude and service you will be unhappy and have nothing to use to escape the feelings." WOW, was that ever a slap in the face. So now, I work the steps (all 12) hard as I can and I'm just determined to act like a sane person and continue to get better (not stay stuck in misery). Not sure if this applies to you and your 'new addiction' or not, but your post did remind me of my own struggles.

greeteachday

Drama was never my rush so it was easy - almost necessary for my physical and emotional survival to let it go when I found recovery. But there were and are other addictive traits I have had to work my way through - workaholic, perfectionism, smoking, unhealthy eating (aka junk!). I've definitely found the physical outlets help me - running, hikes, anything to get me outdoors. I also love what sleepy said about gratitude - By being grateful and thinking positive and affirming where I want to be, I tend to get there. When I slip up and let negativity suck me in, I sink.

Great thread!

Chino

My daughter is the one who reminded me about my adrenaline fix. I'm always at my best, I mean on my game and kicking ass, when I'm fixing something or controlling an outcome. I haven't ever wanted to manipulate or control for others benefit, it's always been about me. A perfect example is the first year my parents were divorced. I wanted one last family Christmas dinner, grandparents too, and I don't remember how I did it, but I managed to pull it off. I'm sure I played on everyone's guilt. My dad and I even went hunting and I supplied the goose for dinner, he supplied the venison.

That day I felt a huge rush and it didn't matter to me they all wanted to kill each other. I was happy as a clam and I'm pretty sure the drama just added to it.

I'm into photography and the day I stood on top of a waterfall, leaned over the edge to get a picture, I was in heaven. Same thing with hanging upside down from the clock tower at Union Station Hotel in St. Louis. I talked a security guard into taking me up there and he held onto my belt as I dangled, snapping a picture. I have so many stories like that I could write a book.

Yup I'm an adrenaline junkie and boredom is my enemy. sleepy, you're on the money about gratitude and service. Before all this stuff with my daughter, I volunteered on a regular basis for many years. I was very happy working with the elderly and disabled, and every day I felt a profound sense of gratitude. They gave me more than I ever gave them. They grounded me and kept me sane. It's that time again!