rdmabcd

HI today is not my first day of drinking but the first day of me getting drunk and the saddest thing is i am. i hate my self for it . i am 22 years old and i never thought i could be an acoholic but this relapse (as they call it) has made me think i definitly am. I love myself sober BUT I love my social self drunk. Can i never drink again or can i control it?
alot of the people around me say i am ok because they see me normal BUt they don't see me home alone I am crazy and can't stop. i know this but i seriously can't stop I was so freaking proud of myself . I want my months back but I can't .

So hopefullry my drunk forum can let people know and see y my typing that you think your ready but your not!!! seriously your not , am I not , no alcoholic is!

rdmabcd

ok that made no since cause i am drunk , i started drinking a week ago tonite is my first nite getting drunk.
THIS IS WHAT ALCOHOL DOES TO YOU ! YOU CAN'T WRITE EMAILS!

eeerooo

Hey, i'm drunk too and if y0u have to want to stop. It isn't easy. I know. Even other alcoholics slam the doors in your face. My typing issnt good either. But you and i are both seeking help. To those that can stay sober, more power to them. Someone will help us although i know we have to help ourselves

Aysha

I wouldnt say every alcoholic isnt ready. We have many here with many years sober.
That got that way late in life with plenty of false starts.
Its all in the individual.
What do you like more? Your sober self or your social drunk self?
Are you gonna believe someone if they tell you the fire isnt hot becasue they never touched it to see?
Its all in what YOU think and want. And if YOU are ready or not. You want to know if you can control it but say you cant stop when you are alone.
Only you will know if you are really ready.
I hope you stick around. There is alot of support here and alot of info.
You dont lose the time you had. You just pick up where you left off.
You carry with you what you learned in that previous clean time. Learn from these "relapses" and just keep trying.
Welcome.

KenL

Hi rd,

You're a young person with a lot to look forward to. You're seeking help now. When I was your age I didn't give a damn. I was smoking pot, taking speed, cocaine, drinking, etc. If you really want to get sober now is the right time for you to start. Your whole life is ahead of you. You have the initiative to start so go with that feeling and remember that some of the people here will become like family to you. When noone else is there for you then come here because there will usually be someone here to help you.

CarolD

Welcome to SR...

Please stay as safe as possible and don't drive just now.
Glad you found us...

sfgirl

Hi RD-

First of all your email wasn't incomprehensible don't worry. I totally get it being young and trying to deal with your drinking problem. I started when I was 24 and I can't even imagine starting at 22. Props to you. Really. It is hard when people around you are partying hard and they don't necessarily see you as a drunk/alcoholic/whatever. But then you know inside that you have a problem with it. I feel like that was one of my things. No one really ever called me out on it but I always knew it was an issue. They didn't know that I would wake up in strange places with strange people, how much energy I put towards the alcohol sitting on the table during a dinner party, etc. And I too was a charming drunk and part of me right now wants to write "or so I thought" but no, not "so I thought", I actually was charming, up to a certain point and I could hold it well although towards the end I got worse at holding it together which I don't quite understand. The really turning point for me was when I realized, not intellectually but really deep down, how self-destructive I was being. I was poisoning myself and putting myself in compromising situations. It was that deep realization which meant something about how I felt about my own self-worth ultimately that pushed me to stop this time. And it is hard for me in some ways. Now I don't go out like I used to. I am not "shiny" and the center of attention in the bar or searching that out and sometimes I miss that, not going to lie. But I am valuing myself, learning about myself, etc, and that is worth it, invaluable. Don't beat yourself up though because you fell off the wagon. It is ok. You can get back on. And just because you drank again doesn't mean that it erases the months of sobriety and all that you learned and experienced during that time.

Liza

Im just glad someone out there is still awake. I have so much to do tomorrow with kids and everything and need to sleep, but I am afraid I will not wake up in time. So now my dumb ass is having a drink at 3 AM, hoping I can finish laundry, take a shower, get to target, and get to the school by 11 AM for a class party. Loser!!!

Kat67

I got to say that drinking was and is such a social thing for me too but every time I feel crappy too cause I would over do it, and I'd always afterwords ask the same question, can I control it to the point of normal drinking? I'm still asking myself that.

Fubarcdn

That is the age old debate and it comes up here often. I tried to control it and it took me 40 years to finally realize that I cannot. You are young and questioning yourself, which is good, and hopefully you will find the answer, whatever it might be, in a much shorter period of time. Ifd you think you cannot be a social drinker I only hope you have more strength than I ever have and make the step to quit completely. Good luck and by all means come here no matter what you decide.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Trying to control alcohol was a disaster for me. I wasted at least a year, determined to do just that. I was worse off at the end of the year.

Take a look around here and read and learn.

ToABetterMe

I think alot of us ask if we can ever get to the point that I can be a "controlled, Social" drinker. I know I do.
The truth is for me I just do one day at a time. I have flat out said to my husband & sister, "I didn't say I was never ever going to drink again. How ever Drinking does not benefit me in any way right now. Nothing good has come of it for me. And for now its not working"

I guess thats the best I can do. I am hoping the further I get in my sobriety that my head clears enough, the urges pass & I realize I like living sober.

I am wishing you all the best! Please come here often there are so many great people here that had such insight!

shaun00

hi sorry missed your post........i was fast asleep in the uk.

Hopefully you will come back.........and i hope you dont feel to rough this morning..

Bottom line is you gotta start with day one.........i can talk to you all day about how bad it is and achieve nothing.

Your alcoholism will tell you that you cant do it so dont even try......dont believe it my friend.......ITS TOTALLY POSSIBLE.

Im not gonna tell you its a walk in the park cos it isnt.....and will take a few days to feel comfortable..

It may be worth you seeing the doc just to let him/her know where your at.

Do come back.........and keep posting..........you made it to the right place

trucker.

least

I tried to control my drinking but always ended up drunk. I can't control it, it controls me. Best thing for me is to stop completely. You can stop, but you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. Glad you came here. Welcome to the family!

adore79

I hope those who drank last night are feeling a little better today. It is a new day and a new chance to decide not to drink tonight. Stick around SR and read and post when you are craving and eventually it will go away. Just for today I will not drink.

I dont mean to scare anyone, but people can get seriously ill and have health problems from drinking even if they are young. Any age is a good age to quit.

:praying

nickishine

First, read all these when you get sober, sweetie!

Second, I believe there's "truth" in what you're speaking of here!

Third, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

rdmabcd,

Whether or not you are an "alcoholic" is somewhat irrelevant here as we certainly don't truly know. If drinking has kicked you a** and you can't control it once you get going and it's creating havoc and self-hatred.... then I'd see alcohol as a huge problem in your life and the need for sobriety!

I understand the "social" fun of it all!! Nothing and no one made me self-conscious when I'd be out there with my friends partying! I was the "queen" and center of attention. My ego was fed. Then, I'd wake up (come to) the next day or hrs later and be in full blown remorse and embarrassment-- not to mention "Who the hell was that sleeping next to me"?! The cycle would start again just to get rid of all those crappy emotions!

But that was a now some years back, Hon! Alcohol progressed in my life to where I didn't go out in public anymore; I secluded myself in my home; I wouldn't answer the door/phone; and I drank 24/7 and had near death detox's. I lived a very lonely nightmare with my disease. It's called the progression of alcoholism!! It kills, it steals, it inflicts pain on everyone who loves us.... but especially ourselves and robs us of joy in our lives!

The door is always open here! My many "heros" if you will that post regularly on this site, are the ones who slip-up and come back and keep trying! I am one of them, but today I am in the solution and tell myself that I am deserving of the freedom from alcohol - I DESERVE RECOVERY! So do you, my young friend!
Please come back SOBER, know matter how much pain you're in, we've been there too! You're not alone, none of us are cuz we're a little sober family and community here helping one another achieve and sustain sobriety for a better life!

Hugs! xoxox Nicki :ghug:ghug3

nickishine

eeerooo,

I hadn't read your post until after my previous post to rdabcd! Please consider that addressed to you as well!

Keep coming back and don't give up no matter what!

Hugs xoxox, Nicki:ghug3:ghug3