Daughter still in rehab
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: hollywood florida
Posts: 34
Daughter still in rehab
My daughter is now in her 2nd month of rehab. My husband and I have s many unanswered questions. She is 18 yrs old, but we virtually get no information on her. Is that normal? I have met with she and her therpist and she told me of some things, but we are still to even find out what actually has brought her there.
We have no idea what to do once she does come home (we are planning on sending her to a sober house for 6 months). In alot of ways she is so much better but in many others, I can see she needs help. I am hoping we can keep using her current therapist even when she is out of rehab.
From what she tells me she is not talking to her old friends but one from HS...we actually like her but she is a typical college smokes alot of weed and drinks. My daughter actually told me she felt she needed to not talk with her, the following day she calls her. Do you think this will just take time? Is it something to be concerned about? I don't think I personally know one person kid 18 that does not partake in alcohol, drugs or both.
We have no idea what to do once she does come home (we are planning on sending her to a sober house for 6 months). In alot of ways she is so much better but in many others, I can see she needs help. I am hoping we can keep using her current therapist even when she is out of rehab.
From what she tells me she is not talking to her old friends but one from HS...we actually like her but she is a typical college smokes alot of weed and drinks. My daughter actually told me she felt she needed to not talk with her, the following day she calls her. Do you think this will just take time? Is it something to be concerned about? I don't think I personally know one person kid 18 that does not partake in alcohol, drugs or both.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
If you think the rehab is satisfactory...then maybe the best option is to have faith, let go and let them and your daughter do the job of recovery.
That being said, don't they have some kind of family program or a director of family communications?
Are you working a program like alanon or getting counseling yourself?
I find focusing on myself while my son does the same is a winning combo
That being said, don't they have some kind of family program or a director of family communications?
Are you working a program like alanon or getting counseling yourself?
I find focusing on myself while my son does the same is a winning combo
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
kathy306, I agree with cynical one, hippa laws, rehab, then sober living. My AD is 30 and most often she puts me on a list for therapists (etc) to talk too. Even when she was in rehab this last time, her counselors there thought nothing of talking to me. They also knew that I am an active member of Nar-Anon. In my AD case, she did not go on to sober living....as she has a almost 1 yr old to take care of. However, she is working with a sponsor, going to meetings, and working her recovery program. I've learned to leave her recovery to her and work on my own.
As for your concern as to not knowing just what brought her there....IMO....maybe it's for the best, there are many, many things about my AD that I truly would have been better off not knowing.
Chris
As for your concern as to not knowing just what brought her there....IMO....maybe it's for the best, there are many, many things about my AD that I truly would have been better off not knowing.
Chris
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
If the rehab does not have a family program of some kind, I'd be very suspect about its quality. If it does, participate in it!
You really need to stop micromanaging your daughter's life. she's legally an adult now. She will do things you disagree with (count on that) whether she stays clean or not. You have zero power to change that, or to change her. Yes, if you hold the purse strings you have the power to withdraw the funding for whatever, if she does not follow the rules. But its important to keep those rules simple and fair or she may just rebel and disappear out of your life for a while. She may do that anyway!! We are powerless over other people, including the ones we love.
My AD (20 y/o) is (I think) still smoking crack. The last thing she tried was clinical trials at a NYC hospital with an experimental drug to help crack addicts. Not my path for her. My wish is that she go to 12 step NA meetings and get clean first thru a traditional detox and rehab. but I have no control over her choices at all. she called last week and said she was clean for 2 days. she promised to call the next day. Well, that was last week and she didn't. Am I disappointed? Of course. But in the intervening week, I've gone to work, written and revised a poem, started a class and did the first week's assignment, jogged several miles, met with a friend for lunch, and attended my own 12 step meetings. So make sure you take care of yourself as your first priority, too. that's what we have the power to control - ourselves and our lives. For our kids, we can pray and just love them.
You really need to stop micromanaging your daughter's life. she's legally an adult now. She will do things you disagree with (count on that) whether she stays clean or not. You have zero power to change that, or to change her. Yes, if you hold the purse strings you have the power to withdraw the funding for whatever, if she does not follow the rules. But its important to keep those rules simple and fair or she may just rebel and disappear out of your life for a while. She may do that anyway!! We are powerless over other people, including the ones we love.
My AD (20 y/o) is (I think) still smoking crack. The last thing she tried was clinical trials at a NYC hospital with an experimental drug to help crack addicts. Not my path for her. My wish is that she go to 12 step NA meetings and get clean first thru a traditional detox and rehab. but I have no control over her choices at all. she called last week and said she was clean for 2 days. she promised to call the next day. Well, that was last week and she didn't. Am I disappointed? Of course. But in the intervening week, I've gone to work, written and revised a poem, started a class and did the first week's assignment, jogged several miles, met with a friend for lunch, and attended my own 12 step meetings. So make sure you take care of yourself as your first priority, too. that's what we have the power to control - ourselves and our lives. For our kids, we can pray and just love them.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
It's all about the HIPPA release form and even then, you are likely to hear only the facts. Facts tend to be a moving target, especially when there is substance abuse.
Given she is going into a sober living enviornment, why worry about what happens afterwards. See how the next 6 months goes.
You are correct that most young adults are into the party life. Most is not all. It's up to your daughter to figure out how to deal with this, going forward and no doubt about it, it's tough for her to do so and will show her commitment to her own sobriety, or not.
Given she is going into a sober living enviornment, why worry about what happens afterwards. See how the next 6 months goes.
You are correct that most young adults are into the party life. Most is not all. It's up to your daughter to figure out how to deal with this, going forward and no doubt about it, it's tough for her to do so and will show her commitment to her own sobriety, or not.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: hollywood florida
Posts: 34
Thanks everyone. My husband and wrote an email to her therapist last night. To my dismay she wrote back this morning. We are scheduled to meet with her and my daughter next week. She was able to address some of our concerns. I really like and respect this therapist. I just don't want to be a thorn in her side. I have not had any issues with regarding HIPPA..it is just I hate to ask questions..would rather her give feedback. There is no family resouce as we sent her to a very small rehab center and most clients are from out of the area. thanks again!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: hollywood florida
Posts: 34
By the way, I am doing so much better myself. I am no longer in the dumps and my mood is not dependent on my daughter and her escapades. I just want to thank everyone for getting me through my first month, because I was a wreck. No more rollercoaster rides for me....because that was what it felt like. I longer cry reading your posts either. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER>
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