Kat67

Hi everyone, I haven't been on here in a long time and I'm glad that I'm writing this now cause I'm really depressed and scared but know what I have to do just freaking out about it. For a long time I've been feeling stuck and feeling sick about it. I've been numbing my pain with alcohol for years and have been in denial about it even longer, but lately I've been getting to the point where my problems have been so in my face that not even alcohol can numb it anymore, instead it just makes it worse. To make matters worse I've been dating this guy off and on for about a year now and he's an alcoholic and a drug addict and can be really negative. I know what I need to do but it's so hard cause a part of me doesn't want to let him go, and that's a whole other story. Right now I'm really scared but I have my mom who supports me and who is grateful2b on SR and I love her very much because she has shown me SR. I've gotten to the point where I've realized that I really need help and treatment and I really hope that it can start here.
Kat67

prettypoison

Hi Kat! You've come to the right place. When the drinking and the denying you have a problem start to take front and center, it's time to pull out the white flag of surrender. I couldn't numb my problems anymore, not for lack of trying. I would get so mad that I couldn't get drunk enough to not think "I shouldn't be doing this". We're here for you.

I want to share with you real quick about my experience with an alcoholic/drug addict relationship. I knew at a year he was no good, I knew at 2 years he was no good. He drank more and more, did more drugs which meant spent more money and less time finding honest work. He went from being negative to being abusive. Finally year 3 I'd had enough and left. He is still a drug addict today 23 years later. He has lost most of his real teeth, hasn't held down a real job in that 23 years. You see, the problem was I thoughthe would change or I could change him. I was wrong.

I'm glad your mom is supportive, that is so important.
I'm really glad you are here and I wish you well :ghug3

Aysha

Hi Kat..Glad to see you back. I remember when you posted the first time. You dont sound as down as you were then. I see hope in your post. And your mom is one of the sweetest people here. So I hope you find the help you need and I know you have alot of support behind you.

bugsworth

Welcome back Kat...keep posting!

Dee74

welcome back Kat!
I hope it can start here too

D

Astro

Hi Kat, glad to hear that you're back here reaching out for help and support.

prettypoison said it very well so I won't add much. Your mom does some great service here on SR in the area of codependency, have you considered attending CoDA meetings? And are you thinking about giving AA a shot?

I hope you start to put together a plan for your program of recovery. There's much love and support in the rooms of recovery and on this site, please find something that will work for you.

nogard

Welcome back Kat

nickishine

Thanks Kat & welcome! We're here for ya! Sounds like you're not really in "denial" anymore!

Thank God you've got support out there as you certainly do here! Keep comin' back!:ghug3

Anna

Kat,

I am so very happy to see you back and posting and seeking help.

I can sure relate to your comment about no longer being able to numb away your problems with alcohol. That was the most awful feeling.

It's great that you have a Mom who supports you and you can always find lots of support here too.

ToABetterMe

That is great that your mom is here, and you can share in this together!

You are at the right place, you have people that care, support, and really want to see you sober & in a GOOD living enviorment!

I won't preach about who you live with, just give you encouragement to do whats right to fix you now! One day at a time, don't over whelm yourself!

God Bless!

KindBird

Welcome back. Keep posting. You sound like you are seeing a lot of what the problems are - that seems big (to recognize it). Great too that you have a mom who you can trust - what a big life gift!

Hope you keep coming here and that this is a beginning for you.

Impurrfect

(((Kat)))

Welcome back!!

I'm glad you're reaching out and are willing to get help.

I was in a relationship with a functioning alcoholic. I knew it wasn't a good relationship, but, for some reason, I felt like I didn't deserve better, or something. I stayed with him for TWENTY years!!! Now, most people aren't as crazy as me, but a lot of people do stay in relationships way longer than they should out of fear...fear of loneliness, or something else.

I know you're mind is probably going in a million different directions, but it sounds like you've got a good plan in mind. Keep in mind, the only person you can do anything about is you, and you deserve good things, like being in recovery.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Katie09

Hi Kat,

Welcome back. I say first address the drinking and then the BF. It's great you have your mom on here.

Good luck!

Katie

masseyman

Hey Kat, welcome to a good place to start.

Start getting yourself better first, with help from those that love you. Everyone and everything else in your life probably needs to take a back seat to your own health for now.

Take care of yourself and everything else will do what its gonna do, you can't control what everybody else is and does.

God bless.

Kat67

Thanks so much to all of you. I really want to get better and be happy.
I'm looking forward to starting the process and talking more on SR.:ghug

Freedom1990

I'm a little late getting in on this, but I also wanted to welcome you and give you a hug! :ghug

BBD

Hi kat~ It's so emotionally fulfilling to see you back. I remember your last visit and have hoped you would reach the time when you wanted to change some things in your life. It sounds like you have reached that place. I'm praying you can find the help you need and with lots of positive energy and the folks here you will suceed!!! It's also super wonderful that you have the support and love a mom can give at this time. Your a lucky girl. I'm around alot and yoou can PM me anytime you want. My son is a recovery addict and believe me~~we have shared so much between us to get him to the place he is today...Hugs hon and I'll be thinking of you every day....Smiles, Bonnie

Kat67

I think the reason why I was away for so long was because I never knew what to say.
Most of the time I feel numb, anxious, sad and depressed that what is there to say than I feel like crap. So I feel kind of stuck and weird at the same time.
My mom raves to me about SR and how awesome it could be for my recovery and I agree.
I just don't know what to say. I've mentioned before that I've been seeing someone every week to talk about some issues I've been dealing with for years. She's super nice and supportive but sometimes I don't know what to say to her cause a part of me doesn't want to even bother. I guess I don't feel worthy, but I want to.
I've tried AA and it was good for awhile and it did help but it started getting sour in that a lot of people gossip and it was really hard to keep focused on myself; so I left.
I the other reason why I stopped writing in her is because every time I'd write I would cry(like I am right now). It feels good but it kind of sucks too.
I think I'm going to do a lot of reading in here for a while so I can get my feet wet a bit, get more comfy.

Anna

Hi Kat,

When I stopped drinking, after three years of numbing my mind completely, I didn't know what to say either. I was overwhelmed with shame and guilt at how I had hurt my family and given up so much of my life. All I could do was to put one foot in front of the other and get through each day, and I did start feeling better. You will too!

I think looking around here is a good idea. There is lots of good advice. I'm not an AA person either. It works great for many people, but there are other recovery methods.

four812

Hi Kat,

I'm glad you are here. this is the first time I've met you.

You can do this! when I open myself up to others it helps me so much. now sometimes when I open up I get feedback that is not helpful, but i keep trusting the process.