want2bfreenow

I'm wondering if this is normal of alcoholics.

My AH wanted to invite a good friend of mine and her BF over for dinner yesterday. This is a friend who has dealt with some of her own demons in the past and felt that maybe she could help him work through some of his. So, they came for dinner, and he made an awesome dinner. Well, we are all sitting at the table getting ready to eat and he makes his plate and gets up to go in the living room and eat in front of the tv! Then after we ate, my friend, her BF and I sat around the table chatting and he just parked his butt in front of the tv watching a music special, in stereo and very loud! I was so embarrased and wondered why he even invited them if he wasn't going to socialize.

Also, when they were getting ready to leave, the dog starting sniffing her in places she didn't want to be sniffed and out of pure reaction she swatted at his nose. It was nothing bad, and she certainly didn't hurt the dog, she just let him know that it wasn't acceptable. Well, he just went off. I just wanted to crawl under a rock!

What do you think about this?

Freedom1990

I think sometimes alcohol gets too much credit.

There are plenty of people who act like that who aren't even alcoholics...really.

In looking back, my EXAH was an a$$hole with or without the alcohol. The alcohol just exacerbated that quality tenfold.

want2bfreenow

LOL, excellent point! Thanks for showing me another way of looking at it.

I guess I wondered because he never used to act like that. But you're right, maybe I am giving alcohol too much credit!

ItsmeAlice

My ABF has those moments, too. It's all about attention. Positive attention is the same as negative attention to him.

Freedom1990

You're welcome!

Seriously, and I say this as a recovering alcoholic myself now. I didn't realize until after I had sobered up and was in recovery a few years that there are a lot of a$$holes in this world, and they aren't necessarily alcoholics, you know? I've also seen alcoholics who did sober up and were still a$$holes!

I also used to drive myself crazy trying to figure out my oldest AD's behavior and the bottom line was, to expect her to act like anything other than an alcoholic was, well, insane.

She will be 31 tomorrow. She's still self-centered, immature, manipulative, unreliable, and dishonest.

My time is far better spent on concentrating on myself and what I can to do make my life better for me.

:ghug :ghug

prodigal

"Normal" is a subjective term; however, normal for alcoholics can be any and every type of outrageous, looney, self-serving, downright crazy behavior under the sun.

And I agree with Freedom. Some folks are azzoles whether drunk or sober. There is also the ingredient of attention tossed into the recipe. Yeah, I've seen A's behave in some really crazy ways to get attention - any attention.

I don't know how much alcohol your AH had ingested by the time he decided to dine alone, but it may have been done to get you worked up and to react to him. They do enjoy pulling a stunt like that and then waiting for their victim to erupt. Gives them the drama they enjoy and also allows them to blame you later for getting angry.

want2bfreenow

Thanks for all the responses! The attention thing makes sense. However, I stopped reacting to him a while ago. I'm so tired of arguing and fighting so I've come to realize that he is a grown man and responsible for his own behavior.

I never know how much alcohol he ingests at any point because he drinks on the sneak. Sometimes I catch him, but if I don't he always denies he was drinking. Of course when I do catch him, like tonight, he starts talking about what a loser he is and how pathethic he is. All I do is let him know that I know he's lying. I don't get mad or yell or say anything. When he started with the poor me stuff I also said nothing.

I'm working up the strenght to get him to leave. I know it's going to be hard to get him out because he doesn't want it, but my son and I cannot continue to live this way.

Thanks again!

brundle

My AH is a real jerk sober; but add that alcohol and watch out! I do want to say as time has gone on he has become more antisocial. It has been harder and harder to get him to "do" anything that doesn't include his "drinking" buddies. That of course doesn't include any of us.

Just this year he quit going to any of my family's birthday, Halloween parties ect... but he will go to his family's even though they are two hours away. But they are all alcoholic pot heads. I guess that makes all the difference. I think I did read some place once that they do isolate themselves in the more end stages. I think the book was "The Addictive Personality" but I've read so many I'm not completely sure.

Hugs...