racaple78

Alright, so my soon-to-be ex AH called me today after several weeks of random off and on calls; bear in mind he hasn't seen me or the kids in several months, and has been arrested, in jail for 3 weeks, and bailed out by his grandmother in this time period. Well, he called today sounding, well, normal..........he asked me if I had been to church lately and I said yes, then said he wanted to come and see the kids sometime soon, and I just said, "Yeah, well just call me when you think you actually will and we could arrange that", with little hope in my voice. I told him I went to a show this past Friday of a musician we both like, and he immediately wanted to know who was babysitting when I went out, and I told him I always arranged a babysitter in advance with someone who was responsible, and that I only go out twice a month. I found it ridiculous that I needed to explain my behavior as if it was bad to someone who was recently arrested at midnight with heroin and needles in his truck.
I tried to talk a little business with him, saying that I was filing taxes this year, but wanted to know how he was filing, or if he was. He interrupted me and said, "Oh, I thought you were going to tell me you filed for divorce, my heart almost dropped" and kind of chuckled. My jaw dropped, b/c....I HAVE filed for divorce, months ago, and I already told him this back then several times. DID HE FORGET???? I didn't know what to say to that, or where his brain was, so I chose not to say anything right then, I just kept normal and cordial. I let him talk briefly to his daughter on the phone, told him how the kids were doing, then asked if he had anything else he wanted to talk about...and he said no, he just wanted to check on how we were doing. Then before I hung up, he said, very sadly "I love you", and I paused, not sure if what to say, before I finally said, "Love you too, bye" and hung up. Anyone have any thoughts on this weird conversation? Why, perhaps, he forgot about me filing for divorce? My lawyer has taken the route that he's "abandoned" us, and that after so many months of not hearing a legal response from him, (we put an ad in the paper that I filed), and such, that the court will automatically grant me full custody, etc.
What do you guys think of his phone call? What was he perhaps thinking?

outtolunch

[QUOTE=racaple78;2078776] I found it ridiculous that I needed to explain my behavior as if it was bad to someone who was recently arrested at midnight with heroin and needles in his truck./QUOTE]


I do not read minds so I have no idea what he was thinking.

Sounds like he might be in denial about the pending divorce.

When someone crosses a line and I get a littley huffy about it, I usually realize ( in hindsight) that it was my choice to respond, or not.

racaple78

Update: I felt in my heart that something was very wrong after this phone conversation, so I recently called back; he was asleep when I called but I spoke to his grandmother. Apparently she picked him up after he called collect from a pay phone, asking her to please come and get him, that he was downtown. This is a good five hour trip from where he was supposed to be at. When she picked him up, she said he looked very rough, was just dirty from head to toe. Apparently had blisters all over his feet from walking (???) 300 miles, which included hopping trains and riding on the outside of them....she said he was lucky to still be alive. She said for now she was letting him get some rest, and eat, and take a shower, but she's not really sure what they are going to do from here on out, or why he has been on the road for that long...or what he's been doing.
This breaks my heart completely. What, if anything, can I do? I do still love him, of course, everyone knows that.......is he at a point where he's hit rock bottom yet and is willing to get help? Can I say anything to him to try and encourage him to go??? Now that I am aware of all of this part of me wants to speak to him again and let him know that I do love him, etc etc.......I don't know what, if anything, I can do.

Freedom1990

Broken Toys

As children bring their broken toys,
With tears, for us to mend;
I brought my broken dreams to God
because he was my friend.

But then instead of leaving him in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own.

At last, I snatched them back and cried,
"How could you be so slow?"
"My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never did let go...."

author unknown

Ann

If loving them could get them clean, not one of us would be here. Sadly, they live how they live, including all the drama and danger that goes with active addiction, no matter what we do or don't do.

It sounds like you and the children have been doing fine without him. Is this a man you want influencing your kids? Do you trust that he won't upset their lives more than he already has, or get custody one day when he is not capable of being responsible?

You may want to check back with your lawyer on this and get some legal advice as laws differ from state to state. Make sure you and your children are safe, and then maybe consider putting him in the hands of God through prayer, and leave the rest between them.

I know this isn't easy, but what is best for the children should always come first.

Hugs and prayers for all of you.

Seren

Oh I'm sorry to hear about the drama. I'm glad that you and the children are moving forward!

Hugs to you and yours! Keep up the good work!
HG

splendra

sounds like he is going to using his grandma for dope now...

I have found that what looks like the bottom to me could be Mt. Everest for them...

winnie12

Let him keep falling on his own. He sounds like he may be close and anything to ease the pain of that could keep it going. Poor grandma - how hard that must be to be in the position.

BBD

My heart goes out to his gram. I'm sure she doesn't realize how she should be handling this situation..maybe you should be getting her to a meeting or two. Smiles, Bonnie