gneiss

I'm just venting, so if you don't want to listen to me gripe feel free move on.

Basically two of my old drinking and drugging buddies called me tonight and asked if I wanted to party with them. I said no thanks, I am trying to stay away from it and focus on school.

OOH!! Pause my story for a moment to celebrate: I got my official acceptance letter from the geology school today!! I am *officially* in the masters program!!!! Now to get a similar letter from my top choice school, where I hope to be transferring in the fall...

OK, continue:
A few days ago I went to the store with one of them and told her I felt like a loser because of the drugs and that's why I had to get away from it, and I hated to watch both of them continue along that path. I have no moral high ground there and I know it.

When I declined their invitation tonight I suddenly got a flurry of text messages from them accusing me of lying (apparently one of them thought I had declined their invitation because I was out partying with someone else) and being a hypocrite (because they decided my boyfriend--who also has drug and alcohol problems and is getting clean--must be here doing dope with me). And they told me I wasn't any better than they are (I never claimed to be). All this just because I did not want to do drugs tonight?!

Even when I was using and someone would decide to quit, it never bothered me. It's like they think that I have decided they are all losers. I guess I kind of have, but only because I'm as much of a loser as they are. I have no moral high ground and I have not said anything negative about their choices, I just made the decision to stop because it's right for me.

So... good riddance to them I guess. I have 2 friends now who have cleaned up and they are good for me. I think I'll focus on those 2 and put the rest of them on auto ignore on my phone.

TryingSoHard

I think it's their defense mechanism kicking in. Try not to take it personally. You KNOW you aren't doing anything wrong! This is just my opinion, but I think it might scare them to see you trying to get clean and back in control of your life. It is a reminder of what they are doing to themselves.

Stick to your guns, and do like you said - use that 'ignore' feature!! "Friends" like that aren't friends at all. We love you and support you! Vent anytime!

p.s. CONGRATS about school!!!!

spark42

I had a similar experience when i started trying to sort myself out. I'd alienated most of my good friends, because they weren't interested in drinking and drugging to the extent that i was, and surrounded myself with people who used in the same way i did. I still thought they were my mates though.

Only when i started cutting back on everything a few things happened, i realised all we had in common was getting wasted together, they weren't interested in being friendly any more, and they were all very cold towards me.

I really honestly can say i don't miss those people. A couple of my good friends from college were still there for me, even though i hadn't spoken to them much in years (for no reason other than being busy getting toasted), and they are now good friends again. I've also made good friends in sobriety, through the buddhist centre, aa, and so on.

I used to know tonnes of people. But none were really friends, just people i got wasted with. All you need is a couple of "real" friends.

gneiss

I called a friend last night after posting and he told me I was highlighting their insecurities by quitting and I was better off without them. So... great minds think alike, right? Thanks, TSH.

Thanks!!!

Spark is right, too. The only thing I have ever done around one of them is get wasted. I don't think I have ever hung out with him when either of us are sober. I think underneath all the drugs and booze he could be a great guy and I see glimpses of it once in a while. The other one is newer to drugs and frankly if I want to hang out with her for more than an hour or so I need to be drunk. That said, when she was thinking about going over there last night I told her we could go do something drug- and alcohol-free so she wouldn't feel pressured to go over there. We see what she chose.

December15

This is sad that your friends are turning on you - if they are using their mental patterns will be lop sided so try not to take it personally. All the best with your recovery.

lunarise

It sounds like you got alot of great advice to mull over here. The only thing I would say is know that you are giving them a glimpse of light, of possibility, of change, and as we all know change can be scary, even the thought of change. My hope is that the "great guy" you saw some of will take your lead. You never know, living your life right (meaning by your own standards) tends to inspire people. So YEAH for you, for living that possibility and CONGRATS on school. I wish you all the best.

gneiss

Thanks vividserenity. Hitting the "Thanks" button did not seem enough. I have lots of great advice here and I appreciate all of it. When I started to get clean I found a friend who provided the glimpse of light I needed, and your post brought tears to my eyes.

I met him when I was 15 and thought something was not quite *right* about him, but I was a good girl and did not see that he was addicted to drugs. Over time we lost contact and did not speak for 10 years. A few months ago I was goofing around on Facebook and found him. For some reason right off the bat I knew it would be ok to tell him I have a drug problem. I don't tell people this as a general rule but I knew with him it would be ok. He replied back that he had been addicted to meth for several years and had just been getting clean when we met (which explained my gut feeling that something was not quite right about him) and anything I needed, just call. Well... I called him morning, noon, and night while I was getting through withdrawal for about 10 days and I don't think I could have stayed clean through that without him. I hate the idea of making my sobriety dependent on someone else, but for a little while I really had to. Once I was ready to take the reigns again he handed them back and told me he was happy to do it because he had gone through it alone. Might be corny but I still have the text message saved in my cell phone; it meant a lot to me.

windysan

step 36 - avoid feral people

Katie09

I really give you credit for not going and hanging out with them. That would be hard and you'd be putting yourself in a danger zone. Whatever it takes to get through those first 10 days is great. I think it's great to save that text message. "keep on keeping on." ( sorry I know this is the SC but for some reason I had to say that)

gneiss

Thanks. And I'll ignore any religious overtones of "keep on keeping on" and take it as purely secular.

You're right, it would have been putting myself in danger. Not only for staying sober but reports are now coming in from various people about what happened and it kind of sounds like they were lucky no one was killed. Three drunk druggies with loaded guns and hair-trigger tempers. And they wonder why I am avoiding them! I'm better off without that in my life.