childhood messages
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
childhood messages
Ive been fishing recently which gives me plenty of time to think and reflect.
I was thinking about alcohol and how it played a part in my life before i drank it.
I was brought up on a housing estate in the 70s.....pretty poor but not as poor as some.
Very aggressive father and a distant mother....love was never mentioned in our house...i guess british stiff upper lip and all that.
Father was ex military and run the house like a military exercise....and if you didnt tow the line.....well.......lets just say i was in the child care system by 13...
My father rarely drank or my mother come to think of it....and in the 70s neighbours tended to have partys...you know the thing..our house one month yours the next.
We kids would help out preparing and the party would begin with lots of booze.
Within a hour......people started to change...people become happy.
My father would become loving and smiling and my mother would dance with me.......in fact sometimes she would tell me she loved me.
The neighbours would laugh and play games.......completely out of charector
Then the next day it would all go back to sad and moody and aggresive.
Thats quiet a powerful message to a kiddy........booze is good...booze makes you happy and booze can make you love people.
Its no wonder i couldnt wait to try it and seek out the happiness and at first i think i had that happiness.........just not for long.
Then it became something that was gonna destroy me and people around me.
Do you remember how you viewed booze BEFORE you drank it....id be interested to hear you thoughts........
Im not blaming my childhood for my drinking......just remembering how i viewed it......................trucker
I was thinking about alcohol and how it played a part in my life before i drank it.
I was brought up on a housing estate in the 70s.....pretty poor but not as poor as some.
Very aggressive father and a distant mother....love was never mentioned in our house...i guess british stiff upper lip and all that.
Father was ex military and run the house like a military exercise....and if you didnt tow the line.....well.......lets just say i was in the child care system by 13...
My father rarely drank or my mother come to think of it....and in the 70s neighbours tended to have partys...you know the thing..our house one month yours the next.
We kids would help out preparing and the party would begin with lots of booze.
Within a hour......people started to change...people become happy.
My father would become loving and smiling and my mother would dance with me.......in fact sometimes she would tell me she loved me.
The neighbours would laugh and play games.......completely out of charector
Then the next day it would all go back to sad and moody and aggresive.
Thats quiet a powerful message to a kiddy........booze is good...booze makes you happy and booze can make you love people.
Its no wonder i couldnt wait to try it and seek out the happiness and at first i think i had that happiness.........just not for long.
Then it became something that was gonna destroy me and people around me.
Do you remember how you viewed booze BEFORE you drank it....id be interested to hear you thoughts........
Im not blaming my childhood for my drinking......just remembering how i viewed it......................trucker
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Both my parents were heavy drinkers and I remember it being opposite. My father would go out and drink and my mother would stay at home and cry in her beer. The only possible way it could have influenced me is if there is a genetic connection and I don't really know if that has been proven or not.
This is a very interesting post though. Thanks.
This is a very interesting post though. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
My family made drinking seem very inviting. I grew up in a well to do home, with a fully loaded bar and elaborate parties. To me it seemed like the thing to do if you wanted a high status. Every night my parents had cocktail hour. There was never a doubt in my mind that I would drink. I never knew it would become such a nightmare.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: MN
Posts: 528
My dad was a very heavy drinker, and my mom would do hr best to hide it from us. But we had a fully stocked bar until I was a teen.
My dad drank heavily until his brain injury in 2001. After that nothing!
My brother took up drinking in 9th grade, why not all his friends & him knew where to get it.
My mom used to tell us all the time how bad drinking was & how much she hated her dad for being a constantdrunk & disappering for days. She still doesn't drink. But makes comments that she doesn't understand how all her kids ended up going through heavy drinking times.
Why none of us learned I don't know. my brother had to start going to treatment in HS. He rarely drinks now.
My other brother has abused drugs & alcohol since he was 13. He's just out of Prison & has been clean for 3 months. Hope that lasts!
My sister has drank since I can remember & I believe out of all of us right now she is currenly the WORST! I love her dearly but she is going through 2 BIG bottles a week.
Its just so weird how we all ended up getting sucked in.
My dad drank heavily until his brain injury in 2001. After that nothing!
My brother took up drinking in 9th grade, why not all his friends & him knew where to get it.
My mom used to tell us all the time how bad drinking was & how much she hated her dad for being a constantdrunk & disappering for days. She still doesn't drink. But makes comments that she doesn't understand how all her kids ended up going through heavy drinking times.
Why none of us learned I don't know. my brother had to start going to treatment in HS. He rarely drinks now.
My other brother has abused drugs & alcohol since he was 13. He's just out of Prison & has been clean for 3 months. Hope that lasts!
My sister has drank since I can remember & I believe out of all of us right now she is currenly the WORST! I love her dearly but she is going through 2 BIG bottles a week.
Its just so weird how we all ended up getting sucked in.
Eternal optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: northeast
Posts: 293
Wow Trucker this was on my mind about two days ago. Both of my parents were heavy drinkers. My dad would binge all weekend, drink all day go out at night and would leave my mom at home half-looped and ticked off... it was a disaster... after he'd stumble in late at night they would fight like crazy. This happened almost every weekend. Alcohol was always in the fridge. We went to other people's houses with them sometimes and made the same assessment...booze made everybody happy and have fun. Instead of yelling at us, they would have us dance with adults and laugh at things we said. Got that message loud and clear.
My childhood was saturated with alcohol, literally. If you were sick you drank a hot toddy (whiskey always made me feel flushed and woozy-good). If you were nervous or upset you had a drink to calm yourself down. If a baby was teething, you rubbed hard liquor on it's gums to numb them.
My dad took me to a bar at 13 to drink with him (back then apparently establishment owners were not so worried about loosing their licenses?). I got hammered and fell asleep in his car, he didn't even bother to take me home. I woke up later and went back in the bar looking for him. He and his friends just laughed at me like it was some kind of warped initiation. In spite of that, I don't blame my parents either. I made my own bad choices about alcohol throughout my life.
My childhood was saturated with alcohol, literally. If you were sick you drank a hot toddy (whiskey always made me feel flushed and woozy-good). If you were nervous or upset you had a drink to calm yourself down. If a baby was teething, you rubbed hard liquor on it's gums to numb them.
My dad took me to a bar at 13 to drink with him (back then apparently establishment owners were not so worried about loosing their licenses?). I got hammered and fell asleep in his car, he didn't even bother to take me home. I woke up later and went back in the bar looking for him. He and his friends just laughed at me like it was some kind of warped initiation. In spite of that, I don't blame my parents either. I made my own bad choices about alcohol throughout my life.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Pretty nearly the same for me Trucker. We lived next door to a family that were very heavy drinkers and my Mom and Dad joined in with them whenever there were get togethers. I can tell you there was a drop of water in a glass that was filled to the top with scotch or gin and it was an all day or sometimes all evening party. They would all get quite lovey and happy and as you said, the next day it was back to being sour pusses. We rarely had a holiday or party or weekend without alcohol being a major ingredient. We kids started sneaking tastes early on and then advanced up to sneaking glasses or bottles of alcohol. It was very much a part of my life all of my life. Didn't know it wasn't this way with others.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 147
My situation was quite a bit different. Neither of my parents drank. My father is actually anti alcohol. Both of them had close family members who were alcoholics. I maybe partly started drinking as a rebellion, like a lot of teenagers I wanted to be different from my parents. Alcohol to me seemed to be this exciting forbidden "thing"!
crypticpoet777
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 38
Good post trucker..
My dad was a heavy drinker all his life, my mom became
a heavy drinker after a few years. The thing with my parents was you never knew which way it would go. Things could get ugly very fast, or it could be all love and kisses.
I think the worst part for me was letting my guard down
and the surprise I felt when things went bad. Trusting people, keeping them at bay is a safeguard reflex that
I do believe came from those childhood years.
My dad was a heavy drinker all his life, my mom became
a heavy drinker after a few years. The thing with my parents was you never knew which way it would go. Things could get ugly very fast, or it could be all love and kisses.
I think the worst part for me was letting my guard down
and the surprise I felt when things went bad. Trusting people, keeping them at bay is a safeguard reflex that
I do believe came from those childhood years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Originally Posted by crypticpoet777 
Good post trucker..
My dad was a heavy drinker all his life, my mom became
a heavy drinker after a few years. The thing with my parents was you never knew which way it would go. Things could get ugly very fast, or it could be all love and kisses.
I think the worst part for me was letting my guard down
and the surprise I felt when things went bad. Trusting people, keeping them at bay is a safeguard reflex that
I do believe came from those childhood years.
My dad was a heavy drinker all his life, my mom became
a heavy drinker after a few years. The thing with my parents was you never knew which way it would go. Things could get ugly very fast, or it could be all love and kisses.
I think the worst part for me was letting my guard down
and the surprise I felt when things went bad. Trusting people, keeping them at bay is a safeguard reflex that
I do believe came from those childhood years.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Thankyou, Trucker. Very thought provoking. For me, my parents were the classic social drinkers who just relaxed with it on the weekends. As you said, everyone seemed happier and let their hair down. I loved it when they gave me my first cocktails to share with them - but it did something different to me. I wanted to aways stay in that lovely, calm state, couldn't wait for my next chance to drink. It took many years, but I finally ended up keeping it in my system 24/7. The lovely nectar turned my life into a living hell.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
My grandparents were heavy drinkers as I was growing up. Hell I was their "little bartender".They drank in the morning..during the day..at night. Had holiday parties that revolved around alcohol. Took road trips with them and their plastic cups and bottle of booze in the trunk and cooler full of beer. Rest stops were drink refill stops. Went to dinner and always had the finest wines and liquor. Everything included alcohol.
My father was missing from me growing up because he was either in the bar, running from the law or locked up.
Not until I hit my teens did I really know that drinking like that was not normal. When I started going through all that teen rebellion stages. I noticed I could either get away with alot when they were drinking alot. Or I would get the monster behind the alcohol mask with rage. Mean drinker was my grams.
I dont think it affected me in my own addiction. I hate alcohol actually. I was a bartender for 10 yrs tho. But hate alcohol. The smell..taste..the effects. I remember thinking you poor slob when a sloppy drunk would be at my bar. And just feeling embarrassed for them.
Alcohol made me not want to drink. But I sure became a good addict.
My father was missing from me growing up because he was either in the bar, running from the law or locked up.
Not until I hit my teens did I really know that drinking like that was not normal. When I started going through all that teen rebellion stages. I noticed I could either get away with alot when they were drinking alot. Or I would get the monster behind the alcohol mask with rage. Mean drinker was my grams.
I dont think it affected me in my own addiction. I hate alcohol actually. I was a bartender for 10 yrs tho. But hate alcohol. The smell..taste..the effects. I remember thinking you poor slob when a sloppy drunk would be at my bar. And just feeling embarrassed for them.
Alcohol made me not want to drink. But I sure became a good addict.
The Legend returns!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 762
Fantastic post trucker.
My dad was a heavy drinker, a quiet reserved man who had a drink and became the life and soul of the party. I was pretty clear that alcohol was a good thing and I wanted some of it from a very early age.
I can't remember a time after my teenage years when I could honestly say I didn't wonder if I'd got a drink problem.
Alcohol is so ingrained in our society (Especially in the UK), its everywhere and forms the basis of any social event.
My dad was a heavy drinker, a quiet reserved man who had a drink and became the life and soul of the party. I was pretty clear that alcohol was a good thing and I wanted some of it from a very early age.
I can't remember a time after my teenage years when I could honestly say I didn't wonder if I'd got a drink problem.
Alcohol is so ingrained in our society (Especially in the UK), its everywhere and forms the basis of any social event.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
I saw very little drinking growing up. Never from the women, only the men and it seemed like something "ladies" just didn't do. Drinking was just something the men did out in the back yard.
Much later in life I realized many of the men were alcoholics by today's standards. They didn't get in trouble, miss work or got DUI's. I had one uncle who was an embarrassing drunk, always causing my grandma much grief when someone would call and say he was passed out somewhere. He never did get sober for any length of time.
I started drinking in my early 20's mostly to help me sleep. I think I was an instant alcoholic.
It's a strange disease. I do believe there's a genetic, biological component.
Love,
Lenina
Much later in life I realized many of the men were alcoholics by today's standards. They didn't get in trouble, miss work or got DUI's. I had one uncle who was an embarrassing drunk, always causing my grandma much grief when someone would call and say he was passed out somewhere. He never did get sober for any length of time.
I started drinking in my early 20's mostly to help me sleep. I think I was an instant alcoholic.
It's a strange disease. I do believe there's a genetic, biological component.
Love,
Lenina
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Very interesting thread.
Didn't grow up around a lot of alcohol. Divorced parents, Mom rarely drank. Just wasn't in the house.
First time I spent any time with father, got very drunk, blacked out....think I was 12. Raided his alcohol closet of sloe gin (blech!). How sad is that?
Didn't grow up around a lot of alcohol. Divorced parents, Mom rarely drank. Just wasn't in the house.
First time I spent any time with father, got very drunk, blacked out....think I was 12. Raided his alcohol closet of sloe gin (blech!). How sad is that?
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