winnie12

We're getting closer and closer to the date that my son is going back to rehab. With a lot of help from our court counselor we're maintaining - trying to keep it simple. I thought he may fail his last drug test but he didnt so i decided to let those suspicions go - if he did cheat the drug test then its his problem not mine. My son was commended at drug court for his behavior - even judge said it was odd for her to commend someone for sleeping all day but since there had been no drama and he hadnt broken probation so she was proud of him.

I can tell he's dealing with some inner demons right now but i'm keeping my distance. He woke me up at 1:30 a.m. last night shaking like a leaf. His AD had called at 1:00 and he didnt look before he picked up the phone (probably cause he knew i would get mad if it woke me up). He couldnt explain why but he just doesnt want to have anything to do with his dad. He also sounded a bit irritated because he suspected dad was drunk - duh. He wants to tell him that he doesnt want to see him anymore but doesnt know how. He said he almost wished he could just get mad and yell at him because that would be easier then this indifference he feels. Personally, I thought that was a very good sign - he's used to dealing with problems with a lot of drama these are new feelings for him. I fought so hard to say "do you want me to talk to him" but i knew that he has to deal with this on his own. I'm still fighting those urges to jump in and fix this but I know that we'd both go 10 steps back if i did.

It was hard to see him just sit there shaking and not come in to save him the pain. I told him that he could do what he wanted, that he shouldnt judge himself for how he felt, maybe try to do something that he finds relaxes himself (usually music), and that i was proud of him for keeping his cool. I knew he wanted to tell me something because he looked like he was about to explode but he just couldnt find the words. It drives me crazy not knowing what actually happened between them that caused this but i keep telling myself its between them and if he wanted me to know he'd tell me. So instead of talking i rubbed his shoulders (hoping a little human touch might help relax him). I know that he was fighting the urges hard last night - i know there was nothing i could do to help him. Its just so sad to see your child in pain.

i pray that he find some peace to get through this week, that his dad doesnt derail us from the higher goal, and also that I know the right things do for him as well as myself and my daughter. we're so close to a new step and we just both have to stay the course.

peaceteach

Sounds like you did really well, Winnie. Saying a prayer for you all over the next 9 days

winnie12

we talked a little today and he told me that he has a feeling like something bad is going to happen. I just think he's fighting the urge to run and use so hard right now. If there were something i could do or say - I would - but there's not - so i'll just pray and maybe figure out some way that we can all find some laughter.

grateful2b

Winnie, you and your son are in my thoughts and prayers ..Grateful

devastated

By this time we're even closer to "D" Day than before. I hope and pray that all is well and everything is still on schedule.

Once son is in rehab perhaps they will deal with whatever it is that he is fighting. I know my son has tons of demons. Wish I could help him too, but I cannot.

Good luck and lots of prayers coming your way

Hugs, Devastated

Serenity Bound

Winnie, You did real good. I know just how hard it is to see your child in pain. As Dev said perhaps he will be able to fight those demons better and get rid of them once he is in rehab. I know my AD had lots of demons going in. And her H created more while she was there, thanks to her HP and the counselors in rehab she was able stick it out.

Hugs & Prayers coming your way.
Chris