Hi
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 21
Hi
I'm new here. I haven't quit drinking yet. I want to, I am getting to that point where I'm lost. I know it has to stop but when will it stop. I don't want to die, and that is my fear. I have been having pains in my abdomen that are terrifying me, but I'm too scared to go get it checked out. I had never drank in my life until April of 1996. It was the end of my freshman year in college and it was instant euphoria. Then in college, I started drinking alone. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Funny thing, I've never smoked, or done any other drugs. It has always been alcohol. I also rarely if ever drink hard alcohol. All I do is drink beer. I'm at a point now where I down over 12 beers a night, and honestly, I don't know why. I can sit there all day on weekends and I don't drink because I have a self imposed 6 pm start up time. It makes me wonder why do I even drink? I didn't have it the first 18 years of my life and was a healthy young guy. I would run 4-5 miles a day, sometimes at night. Now, I can't even fathom working out at night because that's drinking time. I've come to the realization that I have to stop, but I'm afraid. I'm 31, and all my buddies drink save for one, who ironically went through treatment and hasn't drank in 9 years. He always tells me "I can drink tomorrow, just not today". He's been sober the entire time. What's even more baffling to me is that most of my day I'm sober, it's just the last 3-4 hours of the day where I go crazy. It's so frustrating, because when I go on trips to see my parents or brother and don't drink it's not an issue, I don't even care. Sometimes I look forward to the nights I'm not going to drink. It's very bizarre. Anyway, it's good to be here as I start my march. I have to be honest with myself, and quit lying to myself. I feel like I've been lying to myself for 13 years. I often wonder why I've been so loyal to alcohol when it's not loyal to me. It darn near flunked me out of college. I have a DUI, I've had multiple car accidents where I was lucky to not get a DUI, I had a strained relationship with my parents. I'm always on edge. I can't think of one good thing that has resulted from alcohol. From blacking out at the end of football games, to gaining weight to causing self confidence issues. It has never been good to me. Anyway, I know I'm rambling, I just have had a lot built up frustration and sadness I needed to let out.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Glad you are here. There is alot of support and info here.
I would however definately get checked out. Nothing to be scared of. You will feel better when you do.
Keep posting.
I would however definately get checked out. Nothing to be scared of. You will feel better when you do.
Keep posting.
The Legend returns!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 762
Well if you want to stop then you've certainly come to the right place. You'll find tons of support here.
I can relate completely to your story as I guess a lot of others will be able to on here.
If you drink every day, just try not drinking for one night. Don't pitch it that its forever. Just one night and then take it from there.
I can relate completely to your story as I guess a lot of others will be able to on here.
If you drink every day, just try not drinking for one night. Don't pitch it that its forever. Just one night and then take it from there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,141
Hi Legacy and good to have you here. I know the fear you speak of about abdominal pain. I just went to my Dr. yesterday over the same thing and he put me on a medicine and drew blood for pancreatitis. I know it's terrifying, but if I can suggest you go to the Dr. ASAP that might help you on the road to recovery.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Welcome Legacy and good luck. I have a similar pattern to you and am having to face the same issue. All my friends are drinkers and I know if I am not drinking right along with them I will be an outcast. Is quitting worth it? For me time will only tell but I am going to give it my best shot and I hope you do the same. Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 21
Here I am, wondering why I drank tonight. All I have done is think about the stuff I've read here. I told my girlfriend I planned some life changes and she, who is so innocent and doesn't know of my problem (God Bless her) wanted to make sure I was okay. Sad night for me, but I need to go through this stuff to get better.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community
Please check out this link...it's from the book that convinced me to qit
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
When I was an active alcoholic...all my friends were excessive drinkers.
Who else would I want to hang out with?
And who would have wanted to hang ot with me?
Please keep posting...we do understand
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
Hi Legacy, and welcome!
You've got a ton of support here... we all understand where you're coming from, really! Keep posting, reading and reaching -- we'll be right by your side!
Happier Days,
Nicki :ghug
You've got a ton of support here... we all understand where you're coming from, really! Keep posting, reading and reaching -- we'll be right by your side!
Happier Days,
Nicki :ghug
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 21
Hello again. Bumping my old thread. I have been lurking now since December. I could not remember my login information and it finally hit me in the head last night. Where I am today is complicated. I never did go through with quitting back in 2009. Or 2010, 2011, 2012 or most of 2013. At the end of 2013, I had a "life changing" event. For a variety of reasons I simply could not drink for the last two weeks of 2013. First New Year's in around 17 years I remember being drink free. I haven't been drink free the last 45 days but I have not drank 40 of those 45 days. That is probably more downtime than I had since College. The reason I haven't been drink free completely is that I didn't know I wanted to quit until I had been forced to quit. Suddenly, my diet completely changed, I had tons of more money in the bank, my blood pressure has gone down, and my performance at work has improved. I have a great job, better than most people I know so I'm fortunate I didn't screw it up with my dark side. I haven't drank on a Friday since Mid-December and enjoy being the designated driver. As I get further and further away from the days of old and the days of new I realize I enjoy my "new" habits - coming home, playing with the dog, watching some TV, eating a nice meal, working out, and getting a nice natural good night's sleep.
The biggest benefit out of all of this is the new outlook on life I have. Previously, I would not plan ahead because I didn't ever think I would be there. Now, in my current state of mind, I am not only planning for the future, I'm doing things I haven't done in years. The biggest challenge through all this is reversing all the damage that has been done to my body. I probably gained 100 pound because of all the terrible habits I developed while drinking. As of this morning I was down 17 pounds - and that's by cutting out the 1300-1500 empty calories of beer I was in taking each night. I'm actually eating more.
Anyway, thanks for listening. I felt I owed it to the people here that were so supportive back in 2009.
The biggest benefit out of all of this is the new outlook on life I have. Previously, I would not plan ahead because I didn't ever think I would be there. Now, in my current state of mind, I am not only planning for the future, I'm doing things I haven't done in years. The biggest challenge through all this is reversing all the damage that has been done to my body. I probably gained 100 pound because of all the terrible habits I developed while drinking. As of this morning I was down 17 pounds - and that's by cutting out the 1300-1500 empty calories of beer I was in taking each night. I'm actually eating more.
Anyway, thanks for listening. I felt I owed it to the people here that were so supportive back in 2009.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
