Serenity Bound

I cannot seem to let go of my resentments against my SIL. As you know my AD got out of rehab on 12/7, since then she has been doing her 90/90, expanding her network of program friends, working her program and staying clean. My SIL fought her tooth & nail when she went into rehab, threatened to leave her while she was in, has brought drugs into the home, etc. (he is NOT an addict, however uses occasionally) He doesn't do any wrong, has no issues, and does not need naranon. I thought that I was a "control freak" but he beats me hands down.

The latest issue is that now HE does not want her going to her morning meetings, (because the baby 11mo old is sick and AD takes the baby with her to meetings 98% of the time, unless I watch her...I work F/T) now this would be a reasonable request if he would watch the baby so she can go at night and when he is off, but NO that isn't something he's willing to do either. It's all about him.................even when she was in rehab and they have visitors day on Sundays....a visitor is supposed to be there at a certain time to take part in a meeting b/4 your allowed to visit. He came 1 1/2 hours late, because he didn't feel the need for the meeting. He was just lucky that the person at the door let him in. Also, while she was in rehab HE had the blower taken out of her car, then talked her into selling HER car, now she's lost her license for 2 1/2 yrs, and has to rely on program friends to get to & from meetings.

It just makes me so angry at him to be so unreasonable when she is trying her best to stay clean & sober.

I know my codie/mother bear nature is showing

Chris

Chino

I've been angry too when I've known someone trying to sabotage my daughter's recovery, deliberate or not. I had to remind myself a thousand times a day that it's always her choice how she handles it.

Do you have to be around the SIL very often?

katie44

So glad to hear your daughter is doing well in her recovery. Obviously SIL is a very selfish person. Your daughter has enough to deal with presently, hopefully she is strong enough to let him know her recovery comes first. Im sorry you have to watch this. I would be very angry too, unfortunately it is out of your hands.

Serenity Bound

Chino, thanks for letting me know that I am not alone in feeling this way. Thank God I don't have to interact with him very often.

Katie44, So far she is being true to herself and strong in her recovery, she is usually strong when not using.

I do know that all choices are hers and it's out of my hands......but d*** I get so mad when anyone tries to screw with her recovery.

greeteachday

Another mama bear checking in and sending hugs. I do find the times I have to say the serenity prayer out loud and repeatedly is when someone starts messing with the good stuff my daughter is doing. It is hard to let go of the resentment. I admit though, that there have been many times when after the fact, I have realized that her struggles through that particular challenge made her stronger and more focused. So I try to remember that for the next time I get in mama bear mode

Hangin' In

SB,

I understand being angry with the SIL, but you have to remember that you are dealing with an "untreated Nar Anon or Al Anoner". He doesn't have a clue what to do, and he's all he can think about.

Like Greet said, recovery has taught me that God can use these situations that are so frustrating to help my AD learn what she needs to learn. And yes, the mama bear in me just wants to step in and take over, and "tell him" what he needs to know or "tell her" what she ought to do.

And then I hear this still, small, quiet voice saying, "Keep your mouth shut, Hangin'!"

Keep coming here, Serenity, and vent. But don't hold on to the resentment. It will only eat you up while your SIL is going along his merry way. Just say a prayer and turn both your AD and SIL over to their HP.

And in the meantime, when those angry thoughts come into your head, do like this little old lady taught me..."let them go by like the wind".

Hugs and prayers from another mama bear,
Hangin' In

Serenity Bound

Greet & Hanging, Great to hear from other Mama Bears Yes I need to remember that when she does and works things out on her own, she can only get stronger. In fact, AD just called me to let me know that she went to her lunch bunch meeting today (instead of the morning) and she got her 2 month chip. Yea!!

I always tell the little voice to Shut up....oops....I'd better listen to it from now on & let the thoughts fly right on by.

Hugs,
Chris