When I think about it...

Old 01-20-2009, 07:53 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
it is what it is...
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When I think about it...

When I think about it I'm mad that I'm here.

Good Lord, when I was 16 and met my handsome, funny, love of my life I had no idea it would land me here 17 years later! Would I change it? I don't know. It was good to love someone that much and I got a dog and HIS little girl out of the deal so, no, no changes.

But damn it. He moved on with his life. He's almost 2 years sober now and has a new girlfriend and spends time with her 2 kids with little attention to his own. I contact him only when I have to and by text messaging only ( we still have a loan that will be paid off this month, then no more texts). He is running around like life is great. Why am I still here wondering what it is about? I didn't ask for this?

I wanted to recover from this and be who I was before I met him. I was sweet and hopeful and trusting. Now I don't trust people and don't want anyone new in my life.

I think that is also from all these relationships falling apart around me. Like a 14 year marriage and a 20 some year marriage where of course, there is a cheater!! It is so dis heartening. I think....why freakin bother? I have tons of friends and as long as I don't sleep with them we get along great!!

Another thing that makes me mad is my friends getting to be friends with my ex. Not because they are friends with him, but because I can't be!! I loved him first!! I took good care of him!! Him and I used to hang out and get along great, then we have sex and things get emotional and now we can't even be friends? What the hell? I suffered through all his crap and now I don't even get to enjoy the good things about him? Ugh

I guess I think outside the box about that. I get made fun of alot because I think everybody SHOULD get along. Let by gones be by gones. But I'm seeing alot of people don't do things that way. LOL

I don't know. I'm rambling. Any thoughts on my craziness?
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Old 01-20-2009, 08:26 PM
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get it, give it, grow in it
 
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Time to move on. It is always tough when they get a new love and we think it is unfair that they're in love again and we're not.

Whenever you think about him, change the subject by taking a walk, listening to music, call a friend, read, ...whatever. We have to live in the now and find happiness in it.
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Old 01-20-2009, 09:02 PM
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I used too get upset when I thought about my ex with someone else, being happy when Iwas the one who was there through all the ****.......after a good rant and rave I pull my self together and know that even if he wanted me back I could never look at him the same way, to much pain. I have a hard time trusting, how can we not we were hurt so bad. However I try not to judge others by his mistakes or mine, I keep a open mind. It gets easier over time, but I think what helps me the most is just letting go.
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Old 01-20-2009, 09:28 PM
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it is what it is...
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I agree. I don't even want him back. I had the chance last spring and chose not to. He can be a scary person and we are better off. I told him the best way I knew how to show him I loved him was to leave him alone.

I just would like to think I could talk to him if I ran into him somewhere and get along. That sort of thing.

I don't even want anyone in my life as a relationship now. It's too much work.

I'm just mad the whole thing happened. I didn't deserve it or ask for it. I didn't even know what AA or Al anon was when I met him.... I guess. That's life and the things we learn. It has taught me a lot though. I am a much more understanding person and I don't judge people. (OK with the exception of the pedophile that comes in my office, I have a lot of trouble being nice to him.) But otherwise, I don't judge others. I've learned to live and let live and fully understand the power of the serenity prayer. I have it inscribed in a ring I always wear.

Enough whining for me today. I am thankful to be here. I'll stop being mad now. I'll feel better tomorrow.
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Old 01-21-2009, 04:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Bjen View Post
I don't even want anyone in my life as a relationship now. It's too much work.

I'm just mad the whole thing happened. I didn't deserve it or ask for it. I didn't even know what AA or Al anon was when I met him.... I guess. That's life and the things we learn. It has taught me a lot though. I am a much more understanding person and I don't judge people. (OK with the exception of the pedophile that comes in my office, I have a lot of trouble being nice to him.) But otherwise, I don't judge others. I've learned to live and let live and fully understand the power of the serenity prayer. I have it inscribed in a ring I always wear.
Exactly how I feel about all this. I think I'll look into one of those rings, I've always felt kind of "naked" w/out my wedding band.

Thanks and God bless us all, :praying
Coyote

P.S. Just noticed the pom to the right of your avatar, guess the black one always caught my focus. My mom had a little girl, 3 lbs, that looked just like yours. She lived to be 13, man did my mom love that little dog!
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