Would you classify my mother an alcoholic?
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: australia
Posts: 3
Would you classify my mother an alcoholic?
Hi all,
I have been reading posts on this forums for awhile and would really appreciate some advice.
Brief rundown on our situation:
My mum is 62 years of age and my two sisters and I strongly believe that she is an alcoholic. Our father died 15 years ago at age 50 and he was a very heavy drinker. Looking back on his drinking habits we now see that he was actually an alcoholic. We grew up in the 70s & 80s where cask wine was big – I suppose with a cask you can never see the bottom as you do with a bottle. We remember our dad drinking every day, would still be cracking beer cans at 10.30pm and every Sunday on the dot of 12noon we would hear the first beer – without fail.
Anyway, back to now, mum lives on her own so we don’t know how much she drinks at home but we can say that when we get together for family get togethers, she hits the wine hard. She will roll from one glass to another and will fill each glass right up to the brim. When we all are onto coffee and teas at the end of the lunch or dinner, she is still on the wine. She jumps from white wine to red wine back to white and then finally onto red.
She gets excited when someone suggests a glass of wine. And I mean excited to the point where she queals out loud. I have a 5-month baby and currently breastfeeding. I had a conversation the other week where I told her that I had expressed some milk so my husband could feed her so therefore I could have a glass of wine with dinner – she got so excited and squealed down the phone at me – I couldn’t believe the reaction.
We also believe she suffers from depression, has a mental illness and am sure that the alcohol she drinks makes these illnesses much worse. We notice after 2 wines that her moods and behaviour deteriorates dramatically. She becomes rude, aggressive, moody, argumentative, controlling.
We all remember about 20 years ago she came home drunk one night and sat us all down and told us that she has a drinking problem and will get help for it. She never did! We were early teens then so never followed this up with her.
She gets very defensive when we make a comment about her drinking and the amount she has had on a particular day.
What I don’t get is doesn’t she realise the amount she drinks when she is at family get togethers? Is this amount ‘normal’ to her? If she drinks like this when out, I would hate to think how much she drinks when she is home alone at night?
We are going to approach her this weekend and tell her that she is unwell and need to seek professional help. We will be bringing up her drinking as well.
Do you have any advice on best way in approaching this topic? Or is it okay to say that we all believe that she is an alcoholic and give her endless examples of past drinking we have witnessed.
Thanks so much
Alton
I have been reading posts on this forums for awhile and would really appreciate some advice.
Brief rundown on our situation:
My mum is 62 years of age and my two sisters and I strongly believe that she is an alcoholic. Our father died 15 years ago at age 50 and he was a very heavy drinker. Looking back on his drinking habits we now see that he was actually an alcoholic. We grew up in the 70s & 80s where cask wine was big – I suppose with a cask you can never see the bottom as you do with a bottle. We remember our dad drinking every day, would still be cracking beer cans at 10.30pm and every Sunday on the dot of 12noon we would hear the first beer – without fail.
Anyway, back to now, mum lives on her own so we don’t know how much she drinks at home but we can say that when we get together for family get togethers, she hits the wine hard. She will roll from one glass to another and will fill each glass right up to the brim. When we all are onto coffee and teas at the end of the lunch or dinner, she is still on the wine. She jumps from white wine to red wine back to white and then finally onto red.
She gets excited when someone suggests a glass of wine. And I mean excited to the point where she queals out loud. I have a 5-month baby and currently breastfeeding. I had a conversation the other week where I told her that I had expressed some milk so my husband could feed her so therefore I could have a glass of wine with dinner – she got so excited and squealed down the phone at me – I couldn’t believe the reaction.
We also believe she suffers from depression, has a mental illness and am sure that the alcohol she drinks makes these illnesses much worse. We notice after 2 wines that her moods and behaviour deteriorates dramatically. She becomes rude, aggressive, moody, argumentative, controlling.
We all remember about 20 years ago she came home drunk one night and sat us all down and told us that she has a drinking problem and will get help for it. She never did! We were early teens then so never followed this up with her.
She gets very defensive when we make a comment about her drinking and the amount she has had on a particular day.
What I don’t get is doesn’t she realise the amount she drinks when she is at family get togethers? Is this amount ‘normal’ to her? If she drinks like this when out, I would hate to think how much she drinks when she is home alone at night?
We are going to approach her this weekend and tell her that she is unwell and need to seek professional help. We will be bringing up her drinking as well.
Do you have any advice on best way in approaching this topic? Or is it okay to say that we all believe that she is an alcoholic and give her endless examples of past drinking we have witnessed.
Thanks so much
Alton
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
I have no advice from my own perspective but if you suspect she has a problem then she probably does, or else it wouldn't even be in your mind.
Hopefully those with more experience on alcoholic parents will be along to advise you soon. You might want to search this forum for "Intervention", it might give you some ideas of how to handle a family meeting.
Good luck x
Hopefully those with more experience on alcoholic parents will be along to advise you soon. You might want to search this forum for "Intervention", it might give you some ideas of how to handle a family meeting.
Good luck x
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,636
Well, based on what you've posted, if I were forced to place a bet on either "yes, she is" or "no, she's not", I'd have to go with the "yes." ......but, it seems to me that the much more important question is: "Why are you asking?" I mean, you can't force her it admit she has a drinking problem or that she's an alcoholic and you can't change the fact that she's an alcoholic, if, in fact, she is.
So, you might, instead, try considering the question: "Does your mother's drinking bother you and/or effect you negatively in any other way?" And if the answer to that question is "yes," then you can direct your attention to an area in which you do have control: your own choices, attitudes, and behaviors. And you can start to work on what you need to do in order to protect youself (and your baby) from those negative effects -- always keeping in mind that you can't control your mother, nor is is respectful of her as an adult with the freedom and the right to make her own choices fro you to try to do so.
freya
So, you might, instead, try considering the question: "Does your mother's drinking bother you and/or effect you negatively in any other way?" And if the answer to that question is "yes," then you can direct your attention to an area in which you do have control: your own choices, attitudes, and behaviors. And you can start to work on what you need to do in order to protect youself (and your baby) from those negative effects -- always keeping in mind that you can't control your mother, nor is is respectful of her as an adult with the freedom and the right to make her own choices fro you to try to do so.
freya
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Hello, Alton. 
You mentioned a possible mental illness as well as alcoholism…I have no idea what the situation is regarding the illness, so I cannot comment on that...but I will address the alcoholism.
Perhaps you could talk to her in such a way as to "leave the door open" if she is willing to get help. I wouldn't want everyone to just leave me alone...I know everyone's different and she may want to be left alone, but people do not get better on their own. We are social beings, after all.
I never had an intervention, but I’ve admitted my alcohol problem to some close people and they are there to help support me emotionally. This support is crucial for my mental wellbeing.
If your mother is in denial about her alcoholism there isn’t much you can do. You can be there for her when she wants the help, though. I think if you ask people who’ve quit and remained sober how they did it, many will tell you that they couldn’t stop until they really wanted to. Trying to force someone to quit when he/she is not ready will likely end disastrously.
I wish you well and I’m hoping your mother decides she wants to get better.
You mentioned a possible mental illness as well as alcoholism…I have no idea what the situation is regarding the illness, so I cannot comment on that...but I will address the alcoholism.
Perhaps you could talk to her in such a way as to "leave the door open" if she is willing to get help. I wouldn't want everyone to just leave me alone...I know everyone's different and she may want to be left alone, but people do not get better on their own. We are social beings, after all.
I never had an intervention, but I’ve admitted my alcohol problem to some close people and they are there to help support me emotionally. This support is crucial for my mental wellbeing.
If your mother is in denial about her alcoholism there isn’t much you can do. You can be there for her when she wants the help, though. I think if you ask people who’ve quit and remained sober how they did it, many will tell you that they couldn’t stop until they really wanted to. Trying to force someone to quit when he/she is not ready will likely end disastrously.
I wish you well and I’m hoping your mother decides she wants to get better.
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