asiasunset

Hi,

My ex bf is an addict. I didn't think it was possible to become addict to weed but he has proved me wrong. He gets high and drinks ALL DAY. He can't remember anything and is pushing all of the good people in his life out. He hangs out with a group of folks who get high. His apartment is a train wreck. Everytime I go over there, there are trashcans piled high with liquor and beer bottles. The place is nasty and his carpet is filthy. All of this seems to have come about over the summer. I was on vacation and when I came back, he had started getting high and cheated on me with this girl he says "understood" him wanting to get high since she was a former addict herself.

We didn't speak for a while and kinda worked it out. But he is completely different. He goes to sleep smoking weed and wakes up smoking weed. He barely eats anything. I think he is getting his calories from all of the alochol he drinks. He stopped shaving and never does his hair anylonger. He wears the same clothes two days in a row. He dropped out of school (with only 6 classes before graduating university), quit his very good job out of the clear blue sky. Now he works a dead end job with only 10 hours a week. He makes under 200.00 every two weeks now. He has money from military retirement but still has to pay child support out of that. He lost his cell phone because he couldn't afford to pay the bill.

I am really worried about him now. He gets angry with me if I call him out on something he was supposed to do. He seems extremely agitated with me, like he can't handle a simple conversation. I have never said anything to him about his addiction because 1) he will readily admit he is addict and 2) I know there is nothing I can say to him to get him to stop. He has to want that on his own. Actually, I hope something bad happens to him to wake him up though. He seems to have lost all interest in me when just three weeks ago he wanted me to marry him and thinks I am the best woman for him. Before he was very reliable. Now he will not call if we made plans to cancel...just won't show up. He barely answers his phone but ALWAYS has time for this new crew of his that he gets high with. It can be 12 at night and if one of them calls, he will run.

I am having a hard time trying to figure out if its me he doesn't want or is this due to his weed addiction. Also, since he will admit he is an addict, how are the rest of us supposed to handle that? I mean he will say "I am an addict and this is my life". Can he really think that? I told him he changed and he said "everyone is saying that to me" like he was surprised. Can someone here please help me understand what is going on. I have never seen weed/alcohol take someone down this fast before in my life.

I have been thinking about just leaving this alone. He probably won't even notice I'm gone.

asiasunset

Thanks for the reply. I was thinking the same thing myself. Although I have searched for signs of other drugs and all I see is weed and liquour. Pretty certain it's not crack but maybe some sort of pill. I know he used to do X. Could that send you off the deep end like this?

I guess my real question is if an addict can say they are an addict, do they really believe that? It seems like if you can admit you are an addict that you would do something about it.

I have known him for a while and he was a very good guy. We met at school, he worked hard, had a good job and was doing well. I knew he used to get high years ago but he had a sponsor and men's group he attended regularly. He gave his life to Christ and was cool. He is an entertainer and I think the crowd we hang with became too much for him. Everyone drinks or smokes weed but I asked him if that was a problem and he said no. A year and a half later and he is lost his mind. I love the old guy...I have no idea who this new guy is.

BTW, when I said if one of his buddies call he runs, I meant he will get off the phone for them. Not necessarily go out to meet them. His house seems to be the place to be...everyone goes there.

Can someone help me understand all of this?

UNHAPPY777

Wow! I'm not a therapist but, this situation screams more than weed and alcohol! I have never smoked weed but, I know many people who have and if he was smoking weed and drinking he woudn't run anywhere when someone calls... Both of these give you a delayed reaction and he would have the munchies even if he has been drinking. I wish you luck.

KEEP yourself safe and your eyes open. If you stay get ready for the ride!!!

outtolunch

Admitting you are an addict has nothing to do with any desire to do anything about it.

Lots of people smoke cigarettes and admit to being addicted to nicotine. Does not mean they want to or will stop smoking.

Lots of people are overweight and admit to the obvious and then ask you to pass them another piece of that delicious chocolate cake.

Being a smoker or overweight does not however, compel you to lie, cheat, steal and manipulate those around you. It does not compel you to quit school at the 11th hour, quit a good job for some crappy job. It does not compel you to live like a slob. Drugs and alcohol however, do.

This has nothing to do with you. He is your ex. Take time to grieve and heal yourself. You are worth it.

asiasunset

Is there something else I should be looking for? I know most drug paraphila (sp) stuff but two of you guys think it's more than what I know for sure. How can I find out? I highly doubt he would tell me or maybe he would since he is satisfied being an addict.

asiasunset

No, not at all. I have just been in love with him for a while now. I mean, its kinda hard seeing someone destroy themselves. I really want to understand.

jerect

Yeah, I agree with the others this situation screams a lot more then just pot and alcohol....

If it were me, I would run for the hills... run and don't look back... if you do you are just looking for heartache

jerect

His actions are telling you everything you want to know..

filthy apartment
Poor Hygene
Dropping out of school
getting behind on his bills
getting aggitated with people around him...

You need to look no further my friend the answer is staring you right in the face

Taking5

What is the point to look for something else?
What if you found it?
What if you didn't find it?
Isn't his behavior unacceptable either way?
Do you need to find the answer to this like its the Sunday crossword puzzle?

I vote to leave now. It doesn't matter what substances he is or isn't doing.

asiasunset

We are together in a sense that we decided we both wanted to be together. We didn't go back officially because I didn't want the title...hence the ex thing but we are still together. Well we were until he started acting crazy these last few weeks.

asiasunset

You are right. I am uncertain. This isn't about whether or not I should stay involved in any way with him. This is about me understanding if it's me he is pulling away from or is it because of the drugs. He knows I do not do drugs. I drink occasionally. I am pretty sure our relationship is over, at least for now. He has nothing to offer me and nothing I even want. However, I still love him and want to understand what is going on. It's like he can't "see" me anymore.

Yeah, he has never asked me for money or anything like that. Which is a little surprising considering he knows I make alot. He was never a freeloader before though. One of the reasons I don't think its anything stronger than weed and drinking. I think he just has to stay high. He still is involved in the entertainment industry but he hasn't made anything new in a while. He is really trying to break through with that but I think his drug use will take him under before he can succeed.

But really, this isn't about what I should or am going to do. Its wanting to know. I have never dealt with an addict before even though many members of my family have been addicted.

jerect

That in itself tells me there is a major problem... Why does he have to stay high? To be able to cope with life in general, to escape from his problems, himself.. does he stay high in order for him to just feel normal or for him to just not feel at all..

I in no way mean to sound harsh but it's not about you, it's about him and the drugs..it's about him doing whatever it takes to get high.. he's not doing this to hurt you, he's not doing this because he doesn't love you anymore.. he is doing it because this is just what addicts do..

Addicts cannot show anyone love or respect because they do not love and respect themselves.. you cannot give someone something that you do not have..

MyJoey

I found out my son was using X and that is some wild stuff, the change was just as you said about your BF and that quick. My son also smokes weed all the time and while that will make him lazy, it didn't make him mean like the X. He also gets sick from it, don't eat and then when he comes down sleeps long hours. You need to get and stay away from him, if his parents don't know you should tell someone in the family. Really you don't need this in your life it is just not worth the heartache.