OhBrother

My sister got an eviction order today. For the 26th!
Her and her bf just fell too hard behind in their rent, as a combination of his sporadic employment and her blowing god knows how much on drugs. Even in rehab all her money was going to drug debts, court fines, etc.

I'd throw my hands up at her in the past, but this time I feel a bit of genuine pity for her. When I saw her today at her counselling appointment she clearly admits this is all her fault and that she realizes what a deep hole she's dug for the both of them. She seems to be at the point in her rehab where it all starts to sink in and its pretty overwhelming. "All those wasted years and wasted money" she says.
In the past she'd just make up some blather about the building "losing her cheque" or something...wouldn't have been her fault at all.
They'll try to reason with the management for more time, but I don't know...

Best I could do was try to reassure her that if she continued putting her life back together as she has the last 3 months, eventually she'd get past all this crap from her past that's dragging her down. Hope that's true!

laurie6781

Maybe your sister should look into a "Sober Living House" up there. It would be just for her, allow her to live in a sober environment, work, learn how to handle things with others going through the same thing she is going through.

I hope her therapist is helping her to see to take responsibility for HER actions but NOT to take responsibility for the whole mess. BF has an equal share I M H O.

Love and hugs,

marle

My daughter lost everything, got evicted from an apartment, a house and several motel bills went unpaid when she and the abf left in the middle of the night. But it took all of those things to make her want to make her life better. I will admit that when she wanted to go to rehab, we did help her with paying part of it since her insurance would not cover it all and we did let her move home so that she could get somewhat back on her feet, but she had to get a job and start paying back her bills and pay us room and board. She had $8,000 in bills when she came home from rehab. She has since managed to pay back about half of them and she has been living on her own since October. She has a ways to go before she is back to where she was preaddiction but everyday she is getting a bit more of her life back. When she was first in recovery she had that pink cloud going because she felt so much better than she did the last few months of her using. Now reality has struck and she realizes how much of her life she has wasted even though she is only 22. She sees classmates that have graduated college and have nice lives while she is still struggling to pay bills. But it is far better than where she was a year ago and she realizes this. Your sister can clean up the messes of her past but she will have to be willing to do the next right thing and live one day at a time. I know how it hurts when we are looking from the outside. Each thing my daughter lost felt like a part of my heart was gone. Take care of you. This is not your mess. Hugs, Marle

OhBrother

I know, not my mess...but yep its painful to watch, especially since she seems to have put forth such a genuine effort the past couple of months getting clean. You feel like it should be rewarded, rather than have cold hard reality come crashing in as it keeps doing. She's owning her responsibility for her situation now, I just hope she doesn't find it too much.
The bf actually works himself to the bone when work is his area is available, he just goes through slow periods. Luckily he's also joined a counselling program just last week(with me) for families of addicts, so he's got support now in working through crises like this.

Impurrfect

As hard as it is to stand by and allow her to struggle, I think it is the best thing to do. I've been dealing with various consequences of my using for the past 22 months, and some, I will be dealing with for quite a bit longer.

Yes, it is frustrating. But each little step I make in the right direction, feels TERRIFIC! My family gives me moral support, and my dad has helped me out, occasionally, with money but it has always been a loan, and I have always paid him back (without fail).

It has been a huge part of my recovery to take care of these things by myself..otherwise I would not learn the lessons I need to learn.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

OhBrother

Well I sat back and watched as they tried to sort it out on their own. They went to a place that provides emergency rent loans to low income people facing eviction...and they were turned down.
So Bank of Me stepped in at that point with a big loan. In the past it would have been money down the drain, but the last little while my sister (who owed the bulk of the rent arrears) has made efforts to pay back the debts she owes. So I told her I'd help her and we'd discuss a payback plan.
Its a gamble, but it avoids a bigger disaster having her turfed on the street in winter, 3 months pregnant, and all the ordeal that would put my family through.
Rather than seeing it as rewarding irresponsible behaviour, I'm trying to see it as giving her a chance to prove her recovery by paying back a loan as a reponsible person. We'll see.

greeteachday

It sounds like you made a decision with head and heart, so IMO, it is the right choice for you. Your eyes are open and you know the possibilities...I really hope in a few months you will be posting about how pleased you are that she is owning her stuff and paying back the loan.
I've found I can only do the recovery thing in my own time and in my own way. I could certainly imagine a similar choice if I was in your shoes. You are a sweet and loving brother. I'm very glad you and her BF are finding help as well.