choose2bhappy

My partner and I live together. I have shared here before, I am sober and in treatment and he continues to drink once a week...but heavy drinking. HE feels this is acceptable since he works hard and provides. Each week his behavior is nuttier. A few weeks ago he decided not to come home at all after a night of drinking. This week he lost our picture cell phone and maxed out the credit card at a bar..they kept his drivers license hoping he will come pay them I guess. I just began a new job...and I did not know what to expect..I went downstairs to check the voicemail and he was passed out sitting up against the wall with his coat still on and a beer in his hands. This is very scary. My alarm is about to go off to go to work and he is in this shape. HE did everything to stop me from getting this job..everything..and I got it and I am going to hold onto it. HE will say that I do not have to work and I am so lucky and now I hear that he is very behind on the rent. I expect this will fall on me now...becsue anytime I try to do right I get punished for it. I got sober and I was punished for it by being alienated and then the mental and emotional games to see if I relapse. It is sick.

I really want to leave but my self confidence is shaky and I just started back into the "real world" working and thinking in a healthier way. Why on earth would this grown man behave like this? Then when I pull myself together he acts out and tries to screw me up. I am so sick of it but I am not going to drink over it.

I have felt so happy lately and proud of my small steps and then I think of him and I feel absolutely empty. I am around people who are upbeat and professional and pleasant at work. I am reminded that life does not have to be one huge black hole waiting for a drunk guy to come staggering in or wondering how he will sabotage my progress when he is sober and miserable.

Thanks for listening. Sorry it is kind of a vent but I needed to get this out tonight. I appreciate anyone's insite and thank you for allowing me to share, as always

Choose

Still Waters

Well, why did you choose to drink when it was damaging to your life and those around you? If you can answer that, then maybe you know why he does it?

drained22

venting is usual and I think what most of this forum is used for.. I don't know your situation so I'll try to be very generic.

I been in the same situation where I would have to goto work and she is still drinking and not letting me go home and sleep. I guess you have to focus on yourself now. while you might not notice it, but from what I read on your post it does seem you are enabling his situation. considering he is a drunk, do you do most of the mundane chores around the house?

It might seem hard but perhaps you can only do your tasks.. only wash your clothes, only pay your bills and let him do his.

I'm worried about your financial issue, are the credit cards under both names or only his? perhaps you should look into that. I constantly read that you should just save up some money in your own seperate account and move when the time permits.

for the rent issue, I would give that advice to more of the senior members on this forum since they had been there and done that longer than I have.

laurie6781

Congratulations on your sober time, that is really great!!!!!

Having been where you are now, and knowing how hard early recovery is, I am going to voice my opinion and my opinion only.

Continue with your treatment, check out "Sober Living Homes" in your area for YOU (since you have a job). This will give you a SAFE environment to continue growing and changing in recovery.

Your stating that 1) he didn't want you to take a job, 2) tried to sabatoge your sobriety, and 3) is behind in bills tells me he really didn't want to lose his 'drinking buddy' and that the changes he is see are making him damn uncomfortable.

I don't believe you need this stress in your life now. If you and he are meant to be, he will find his own path as you find yours and you will join up again.

Talk with your counselor and/or sponsor about all of this. Sounds to me like you need a more stable environment at this time, with less stress and chaos and drama.

I admire you for seeing this so clearly and knowing how it is jeopardizing your recovery.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care so much.

Love and hugs,

choose2bhappy

I appreciate the replies. I am very hurt right now and maybe it is not a good idea for me to be opening up on a public forum like this.

I have to say that Still Waters remarks seem a bit abrupt and snarky and that makes me feel bad.
I am in recovery and I am succesful. I was abused for years at the hands of my much older brother and that is why I drank. People drink for different reasons.

I am completely EMPATHETIC but this has been going on far too long. I regret posting here now and I wanted to state this, please be careful what you share because when you are wounded some complete random stranger like Still Waters can come and say something that is insulting and hard to read and it feels like salt in a cut.

I think it is quite COWARDLY for someone to do this on a recovery forum and I am confident this would never happen in a true to life meeting because it is so clearly disrespectful. It is a coward who comes to a site like this and just say whatever they want from behind a computer screen

This has happened to me here before and I stopped posting. I just read and offered some kind words here and there. I will continue doing that.

Thank you, Still Waters, for making this an unsafe environment for someone like me to share there stuff.

Good job Still waters.

prodigal

choosetobehappy ... if you feel stillwaters questions are out of line, we have moderators on this forum. They keep close watch on what is posted. I would suggest you report what you feel to one of our mods and allow them to make the call. They have a great deal of recovery and I believe will be fair in how they decide to handle your concerns.

Sorry you feel this is an unsafe environment. I've been on here almost five years, and there have been some "wars" but it passes. Perhaps it's just that another board or forum here on SR would be a better fit for you.

How about trying to post in a few different places and see how you feel?

Still Waters

I'm very sorry you feel that way choose2bhappy, but I in no way meant it like that. I'm not an alcoholic, you say that you are and are recovering. You ask why he is drinking when he knows it's detrimental to him, I believe you are in a better position to possibly understand why that is.

choose2bhappy

thank you for that Still Waters. That was very cool of you. I think I am just a little too sensitive tonight to put stuff out there.

Thanks.

tommyk

Leave the situation you are in. Walk. One foot in frotn of the other... out the door. Go.

(Block Still Waters and/or others who bother you.)

Be responsible for yourself. You cannot be responsible for others.

Keep coming back.

GiveLove

choose2b,

I am hoping that you will memorize Laurie's post, because it is such a wise piece of writing.

This is what people meant by "why did you?" --- because there WAS probably a time when you weren't yet ready to get sober even when your behavior was hurting the people around you. Bravely facing why YOU did might help to understand why HE feels it's okay to act the way he does.

I think the fact that you have acquired a good job, you know you don't want to live an alcoholic life any more, and you recognize that he's being a jerk by punishing you for doing what you feel is right for you.

Protect yourself. He is not looking out for your interests, just for your own.

Consider whether your sobriety will best be served by staying in this situation, or by separating yourself for a while until your moods stabilize and your strength grows.

BIG hugs to you :ghug3

steve11694

I perceived still waters post not as an attack against you but trying to help you to better understand why your significant other is drinking. none of us realized what was in your past that drinking tried to extinguish. we are sorry you had that experience