Today is not easy
Moving out of Limbo
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Today
Posts: 343
Today is not easy
I wish there was more to it, but everything has gone well today and the last week. But today I am finding to be one of the hardest days to stay sober yet. I just really want to pick up and get high today. I can't really explain why. My GF and I went to meditation this morning and went to two meetings last night. At the meeting, I noticed that the craving was a little more than usual, but it was still really easy to not use. Today is different, as it's more persistent and the cravings are stronger. I can actually say it's quite difficult. "You can moderate" actually crept into my mind today. Overall in my sobriety, it has been rather easy to abstain from using. Just thought I should get on here and share this feeling today, seems like the right thing to do.
42 days sober, and today is a tough one, I must say.
42 days sober, and today is a tough one, I must say.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
James I am sorry you are having a hard time today. I found that I had a very strict no negotiation policy with my AV...when the yammering started in my head I dismissed it. See once you are out of physical addiction you retain the power to choose your thoughts and your actions. Its important to think one drink through till your head is in the bowl or you passed out...dealing with the wreckage the next day. That's where one drink leads me...straight to misery. Glad you shared...you are more than capable of doing this!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Hey - Yea, it was the right thing to do, to tell on your addiction. I am not surprised you still have a tough day on day 42. I have tough days still (day 119), but thankfully less often, and not as tough.
Keep doing what your doing... it's working. Just get through today. Tomorrow will probably be better.
Mark
Keep doing what your doing... it's working. Just get through today. Tomorrow will probably be better.
Mark
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Yes, hang in there, James
glad you came here to tell on yourself
my doc was weed, and although My sob is July/2003, I still get cravings from time to time..but back when I was first in recovery, I noticed that, for me, there was usually something emotional going on that made the howl louder, and so my strategy was to take some time and figure out what was tugging on me emotionally; that was sapping my strength and making me want to hide in a buzz. usually when I figured that out the craving was way easier to ignore.
don't know if any of this helps....
glad you came here to tell on yourself
my doc was weed, and although My sob is July/2003, I still get cravings from time to time..but back when I was first in recovery, I noticed that, for me, there was usually something emotional going on that made the howl louder, and so my strategy was to take some time and figure out what was tugging on me emotionally; that was sapping my strength and making me want to hide in a buzz. usually when I figured that out the craving was way easier to ignore.
don't know if any of this helps....
Moving out of Limbo
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Today
Posts: 343
Thanks Fubar, Bugs, Cubile and Grateful. I appreciate it.
Grateful, yeah, I have been mulling that one over. It seems when things are going better or good, I am most vulnerable. You are right, I need to think about any emotional stuff I haven't thought of.
I haven't really found the whys and hows of cravings, but I do know when things were good, they were not good enough without using. Oddly, these times were the "ideal" for using.
Grateful, yeah, I have been mulling that one over. It seems when things are going better or good, I am most vulnerable. You are right, I need to think about any emotional stuff I haven't thought of.
I haven't really found the whys and hows of cravings, but I do know when things were good, they were not good enough without using. Oddly, these times were the "ideal" for using.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by James13 
It seems when things are going better or good, I am most vulnerable.
I haven't really found the whys and hows of cravings, but I do know when things were good, they were not good enough without using. Oddly, these times were the "ideal" for using.
I haven't really found the whys and hows of cravings, but I do know when things were good, they were not good enough without using. Oddly, these times were the "ideal" for using.
and for me it was all about the journey of learning to be enough...sober...
and I always found the emotions could be so sneaky...if i did not stay on top of the work...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by James13
I haven't really found the whys and hows of cravings, but I do know when things were good, they were not good enough without using. Oddly, these times were the "ideal" for using.
Mark
It's time to change!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lake tahoe
Posts: 1,025
James,
First, congrats on your time!!!! I've heard it said "it's all up and down from here"... in sobriety. I hate the hard days, hours & minutes too! I think you've got a pretty good grasp on things!!! Checking out your feelings last night & being aware of them! Today, sharing with others your feelings and not bottling it up is a huge thing for us addicts & alkies as we haven't done that in our using careers.
Give yourself a break today and know that "this too shall pass". You're an inspiration to me having 42 days!!!! I'm working on getting through day 3! Keep it up and don't give in... it's soooo not worth it!
Do you have a sponsor????
Hugs, Nicki
First, congrats on your time!!!! I've heard it said "it's all up and down from here"... in sobriety. I hate the hard days, hours & minutes too! I think you've got a pretty good grasp on things!!! Checking out your feelings last night & being aware of them! Today, sharing with others your feelings and not bottling it up is a huge thing for us addicts & alkies as we haven't done that in our using careers.
Give yourself a break today and know that "this too shall pass". You're an inspiration to me having 42 days!!!! I'm working on getting through day 3! Keep it up and don't give in... it's soooo not worth it!
Do you have a sponsor????
Hugs, Nicki
Moving out of Limbo
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Today
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by nickishine
James,
First, congrats on your time!!!! I've heard it said "it's all up and down from here"... in sobriety. I hate the hard days, hours & minutes too! I think you've got a pretty good grasp on things!!! Checking out your feelings last night & being aware of them! Today, sharing with others your feelings and not bottling it up is a huge thing for us addicts & alkies as we haven't done that in our using careers.
Give yourself a break today and know that "this too shall pass". You're an inspiration to me having 42 days!!!! I'm working on getting through day 3! Keep it up and don't give in... it's soooo not worth it!
Do you have a sponsor????
Hugs, Nicki
First, congrats on your time!!!! I've heard it said "it's all up and down from here"... in sobriety. I hate the hard days, hours & minutes too! I think you've got a pretty good grasp on things!!! Checking out your feelings last night & being aware of them! Today, sharing with others your feelings and not bottling it up is a huge thing for us addicts & alkies as we haven't done that in our using careers.
Give yourself a break today and know that "this too shall pass". You're an inspiration to me having 42 days!!!! I'm working on getting through day 3! Keep it up and don't give in... it's soooo not worth it!
Do you have a sponsor????
Hugs, Nicki
Congratulations on your three days!
It's funny you asked the sponsor question.. I believe I found the person for that last night. I have to really trust someone for that role in my sobriety, and I can relate to this guy a whole lot.
Peace!
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Congrats on 42 days!
As others have said, you're doing what you should be doing, telling on your disease!
One thing that really jumped out at me was that it's Sunday. You made it through another weekend without picking up, your disease is pretty pissed. It wants you back, my friend!
For me, the good days were just as hard as the bad ones. I got high and drank when I was happy and when I was sad, when I was alone or with people, when it was morning, when it was night. I used to celebrate or when I was down. I just didn't know how to handle any emotions without chemicals.
Also, the fact that you have found someone who you may just ask to be your Sponsor is also taking away power from your disease, making it just a little weaker. I imagine my disease as some big, powerful, ugly monster and with each positive step I take in my Recovery, I take away some of it's power, kinda like deflating one of those blow up Santa's that people had in their front yards during the Holidays.
You are right where you are supposed to be. Keep it Simple . . . One Day at A Time!
God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy
As others have said, you're doing what you should be doing, telling on your disease!
One thing that really jumped out at me was that it's Sunday. You made it through another weekend without picking up, your disease is pretty pissed. It wants you back, my friend!
For me, the good days were just as hard as the bad ones. I got high and drank when I was happy and when I was sad, when I was alone or with people, when it was morning, when it was night. I used to celebrate or when I was down. I just didn't know how to handle any emotions without chemicals.
Also, the fact that you have found someone who you may just ask to be your Sponsor is also taking away power from your disease, making it just a little weaker. I imagine my disease as some big, powerful, ugly monster and with each positive step I take in my Recovery, I take away some of it's power, kinda like deflating one of those blow up Santa's that people had in their front yards during the Holidays.
You are right where you are supposed to be. Keep it Simple . . . One Day at A Time!
God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy
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