Really Struggling Today
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Really Struggling Today
Last night was really hard, tonight is much worse. I really wanted to drink tonight. I walked past my old bar not once, not twice, but three times debating on whether or not to go in.
A large part of me still wants to make a fourth trip.
I bought myself some chocolate, and some things to keep my busy and have a ton of really great books that I checked out from the library but I still want to say heck with it all and have some wine instead.
If I don't drink tonight I'll be able to look and feel good tomorrow. I'll be able to watch my favorite tv show tonight and remember it all the next day. I'll have one more day to be proud of.
If I do drink tonight I will not look good or feel good tomorrow, or the next day (the real hang-over always happens the day after the day after for me), I won't remember much of my favorite TV show and I'll have one more day to feel remorseful of.
Dear god, please give me the strength to hang on!!!
A large part of me still wants to make a fourth trip.
I bought myself some chocolate, and some things to keep my busy and have a ton of really great books that I checked out from the library but I still want to say heck with it all and have some wine instead.
If I don't drink tonight I'll be able to look and feel good tomorrow. I'll be able to watch my favorite tv show tonight and remember it all the next day. I'll have one more day to be proud of.
If I do drink tonight I will not look good or feel good tomorrow, or the next day (the real hang-over always happens the day after the day after for me), I won't remember much of my favorite TV show and I'll have one more day to feel remorseful of.
Dear god, please give me the strength to hang on!!!
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
You don't have to make a fourth trip. I'm glad you came here and posted instead. It was hard for me too at first--but I knew I had to avoid my old hangouts and drinking buddies if I wanted the chance to get sober. And yes, you will feel better tomorrow if you don't drink. Recovery can be a little bumpy at times--keep your focus on sobriety and do what you can do....like post here and reach out to others for help. I couldn't recover alone. You don't have to go through this alone either. 
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,385
LaDita,
I wish I could be there to help you. I guess the next best thing I can do is offer some positives. 1. you're not drunk 2. you are on SR 3. people are replying to your thread because even though they don't know you, they do care about you.
What was the stupidest thing you did when you were drunk? Would you ever want to repeat it?
I wish I could be there to help you. I guess the next best thing I can do is offer some positives. 1. you're not drunk 2. you are on SR 3. people are replying to your thread because even though they don't know you, they do care about you.
What was the stupidest thing you did when you were drunk? Would you ever want to repeat it?
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Thanks guys. I just ate a really good meal so I feel alot better though still pretty squirrelly.
I think there were a few factors involved in wanting to drink so badly this weekend (other than the fact that it's the weekend) is that I was around someone earlier today who is a sort of a trigger for me, it's a casual friend who drinks and talks about it often and has no concept of alcoholism. They think I just need to 'cut back a little'. But this person has no concept that alcoholics cannot 'cut back', at least not permanently.
This person also brought up some news about someone I used to be close with and some feelings of resentment.
Second is that I made arrangements to have some professional portraits of me done next month, and talking with the photographer today made me really nervous and brought up a lot of old feelings I haven't had in awhile.
Third, because today the sun came out for the first time in a long time and I -and everyone else I know- seem to equate sun with 'party time'. There was a definite loose, feel-good 'crack open the beer' kind of vibe all around me today.
My favorite show is Saturday Night Live.
It doesn't come on for three hours and I feel pretty lonely right now and I want to be around my old friends. I think I'll be better in a couple hours, right around 10:30-11:00 is typically when the cravings stop.
One more thing: This is day 12 for me, just about the time I usually falter. So maybe my 'alcohol clock' is going off.
I think there were a few factors involved in wanting to drink so badly this weekend (other than the fact that it's the weekend) is that I was around someone earlier today who is a sort of a trigger for me, it's a casual friend who drinks and talks about it often and has no concept of alcoholism. They think I just need to 'cut back a little'. But this person has no concept that alcoholics cannot 'cut back', at least not permanently.
This person also brought up some news about someone I used to be close with and some feelings of resentment.
Second is that I made arrangements to have some professional portraits of me done next month, and talking with the photographer today made me really nervous and brought up a lot of old feelings I haven't had in awhile.
Third, because today the sun came out for the first time in a long time and I -and everyone else I know- seem to equate sun with 'party time'. There was a definite loose, feel-good 'crack open the beer' kind of vibe all around me today.
My favorite show is Saturday Night Live.
It doesn't come on for three hours and I feel pretty lonely right now and I want to be around my old friends. I think I'll be better in a couple hours, right around 10:30-11:00 is typically when the cravings stop.
One more thing: This is day 12 for me, just about the time I usually falter. So maybe my 'alcohol clock' is going off.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
When I start to fantasize about alcohol, it helps to remember that thoughts are just thoughts. The reality is that my life is so much better without alcohol.
I also think about those old mornings after - the intense fear, the sickness, the self hatred. I don't want that. I want to be well rested & at peace, that sense of accomplishment.
You can get through it.
I also think about those old mornings after - the intense fear, the sickness, the self hatred. I don't want that. I want to be well rested & at peace, that sense of accomplishment.
You can get through it.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Originally Posted by gravity 
When I start to fantasize about alcohol, it helps to remember that thoughts are just thoughts. The reality is that my life is so much better without alcohol.
I also think about those old mornings after - the intense fear, the sickness, the self hatred. I don't want that. I want to be well rested & at peace, that sense of accomplishment.
You can get through it.
I also think about those old mornings after - the intense fear, the sickness, the self hatred. I don't want that. I want to be well rested & at peace, that sense of accomplishment.
You can get through it.
The problem is is that my addict-mind is trying to tell me that I will be able to just have two drinks, go home and feel somewhat okay tomorrow. I think that has happened to me only a couple times throughout my drinking career.
Tomorrow will be a better day. I can get through this...I can get through this...
:praying
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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9:30...feeling MUCH better. Just read a very short autobiography/self-help book by a very famous celebrity who has gone through alot of the same things I did, and found it to be very helpful and reassuring.
Now the problem is, how not to smoke for the rest of evening. Earlier I was afraid to get a pack because I was afraid of the temptation to buy much more than just a pack of cigarettes, but now I don't want to go out there because I'm too tired and it's too cold!
Now the problem is, how not to smoke for the rest of evening. Earlier I was afraid to get a pack because I was afraid of the temptation to buy much more than just a pack of cigarettes, but now I don't want to go out there because I'm too tired and it's too cold!
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Location: Upstate, N.Y.
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First off Congrats on 12 days sober.
I'm glad you posted on here instead of going to the bar. When I was in early sobriety i had a lot of cravings and why bother feelings too. Just stay in the day. Just one day at a time; one minute at a time if you have to.
What you wrote here is a good thing to remember when the cravings hit you. I did a lot of writing in early sobriety and that helped me a lot. When i wanted to drink i pulled my paper out and read it to remind me where i was when I drank, and where i could go if I went back out. Hang in there.
I'm glad you posted on here instead of going to the bar. When I was in early sobriety i had a lot of cravings and why bother feelings too. Just stay in the day. Just one day at a time; one minute at a time if you have to.
Originally Posted by LaDita
If I don't drink tonight I'll be able to look and feel good tomorrow. I'll be able to watch my favorite tv show tonight and remember it all the next day. I'll have one more day to be proud of.
If I do drink tonight I will not look good or feel good tomorrow, or the next day (the real hang-over always happens the day after the day after for me), I won't remember much of my favorite TV show and I'll have one more day to feel remorseful of.
If I do drink tonight I will not look good or feel good tomorrow, or the next day (the real hang-over always happens the day after the day after for me), I won't remember much of my favorite TV show and I'll have one more day to feel remorseful of.
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Thanks Captain,
No, very few of my friends (from the bar) really know. Some know the whole story (my rehab stays, etc) but they think it's my life and I can do what I want. The times I have gone back to the bar and drank in front of these people, they didn't bat an eye.
And the other half thinks I should just 'cut down', despite several attempts at trying to do so and seeing me fall flat on my face.
No, very few of my friends (from the bar) really know. Some know the whole story (my rehab stays, etc) but they think it's my life and I can do what I want. The times I have gone back to the bar and drank in front of these people, they didn't bat an eye.
And the other half thinks I should just 'cut down', despite several attempts at trying to do so and seeing me fall flat on my face.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
the harsh reality, non alcoholic's don't grasp the fact, we can't drink like normal people one drink sets us in motion and we're off and running.
I've had educated people ask how long I had to attend AA classes!
You might have to distance yourself from many of the heavy drinkers.
My true friends that drink socially, I still do things with. The people that, drank like I used to, I no longer associate myself with. I had to make a break or, I'd be drinking again with them
I've had educated people ask how long I had to attend AA classes!
You might have to distance yourself from many of the heavy drinkers.
My true friends that drink socially, I still do things with. The people that, drank like I used to, I no longer associate myself with. I had to make a break or, I'd be drinking again with them
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Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
the harsh reality, non alcoholic's don't grasp the fact, we can't drink like normal people one drink sets us in motion and we're off and running.
I've had educated people ask how long I had to attend AA classes!
You might have to distance yourself from many of the heavy drinkers.
My true friends that drink socially, I still do things with. The people that, drank like I used to, I no longer associate myself with. I had to make a break or, I'd be drinking again with them
I've had educated people ask how long I had to attend AA classes!
You might have to distance yourself from many of the heavy drinkers.
My true friends that drink socially, I still do things with. The people that, drank like I used to, I no longer associate myself with. I had to make a break or, I'd be drinking again with them
Yet they are at the bar almost every night, they've become a reliable anchor I could always go to when feeling lonely or just wanted some company.
The place was alot like Cheers. It was a big part of my life and it's been really difficult in accepting the fact that I can't go there anymore if I want to stay sober.
live to ride ride to live
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 1,390
Awesome job staying sober.
My tdoc helped me find healthy things to do in recovery. for example we have a Recovery project. they have activities daily along with drop in peer counseling. It was scary at first but now it's kinda fun to hang with others that understand. I also joined the YMCA.
I challenge you to find healthy things to do it does help.
My tdoc helped me find healthy things to do in recovery. for example we have a Recovery project. they have activities daily along with drop in peer counseling. It was scary at first but now it's kinda fun to hang with others that understand. I also joined the YMCA.
I challenge you to find healthy things to do it does help.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
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Ladita what support have you got - like AA or, if that's not for you some other drug/alcohol support program? Glad you have stayed out of the bars and off the drink but it would much easier for you if you had some support. Even if it means finding the courage to ring someone before you pick up that first drink.
:ghug2
:ghug2
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Thanks Espresso,
I went to meetings for two years on and off and found that it wasn't for me. Alot of great people and a lot of great stuff said there, and I love the Big Book and other A.A. literature that I still read from time to time.
I am seeing a counselor to deal with the other stuff, and I come to the board daily but you might be right, I probably need more and someone to call during times like these!
I went to meetings for two years on and off and found that it wasn't for me. Alot of great people and a lot of great stuff said there, and I love the Big Book and other A.A. literature that I still read from time to time.
I am seeing a counselor to deal with the other stuff, and I come to the board daily but you might be right, I probably need more and someone to call during times like these!
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Hi LaDita,
I just read this thread. I hope that you're feeling a little better now, and that you got to enjoy SNL.
Tomorrow will be a better day, and you will be SO THANKFUL that you chose not to drink tonight! You did the right thing by coming here and talking about it.
Well, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you serenity for tomorrow. :ghug3
I just read this thread. I hope that you're feeling a little better now, and that you got to enjoy SNL.
Tomorrow will be a better day, and you will be SO THANKFUL that you chose not to drink tonight! You did the right thing by coming here and talking about it.Well, I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you serenity for tomorrow. :ghug3
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