Another one for the books...aftermath
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: NOVA
Posts: 49
Another one for the books...aftermath
My AH didn't speak to me that evening after he was released from jail.
Brief recap - The night he went to jail he called after midnight (drunk) pleading for me to meet him at a nearby gas station. By the time I arrived, the police were present and had him hand-cuffed. Before leaving the house I had already decided that I wouldn't "fix it" (this time), but I did rescue the car home safely. That evening, him home from jail, the house was silent. A much welcomed silence (thank you God!). I was able to get some sleep that night.
Day 2 - I'm reprimanded for leaving him stranded. "How could you say "NO" when I asked you to picking he up from jail? It didn't cost you any money - you're my wife!". Funny how he recalls my role (per his needs) in the relationship when he in trouble. Good ol' mtr to the rescue (too many times to count). Fast forward to 12 AM, he'd been drinking and I'm in bed asleep. I'm awaken twice and berated twice for trivial things because by now he's stewed about what happened and it's ALL my fault.
Day 3- Pure ugliness. Bad attitude. Spends the morning talking to me as if I were the bad guy. He brings up abandonment (again and again). How I broke his heart leaving him at jail. How I didn't stand up to the police in his defense:wtf2. These moments are always an open door to bring up OTHER things I did to him of course. He's wants whatever he does to go way an never be spoken of again, but he's the last one to forgive or forget anything when he thinks he was wronged.
I'm tired.
Brief recap - The night he went to jail he called after midnight (drunk) pleading for me to meet him at a nearby gas station. By the time I arrived, the police were present and had him hand-cuffed. Before leaving the house I had already decided that I wouldn't "fix it" (this time), but I did rescue the car home safely. That evening, him home from jail, the house was silent. A much welcomed silence (thank you God!). I was able to get some sleep that night.
Day 2 - I'm reprimanded for leaving him stranded. "How could you say "NO" when I asked you to picking he up from jail? It didn't cost you any money - you're my wife!". Funny how he recalls my role (per his needs) in the relationship when he in trouble. Good ol' mtr to the rescue (too many times to count). Fast forward to 12 AM, he'd been drinking and I'm in bed asleep. I'm awaken twice and berated twice for trivial things because by now he's stewed about what happened and it's ALL my fault.
Day 3- Pure ugliness. Bad attitude. Spends the morning talking to me as if I were the bad guy. He brings up abandonment (again and again). How I broke his heart leaving him at jail. How I didn't stand up to the police in his defense:wtf2. These moments are always an open door to bring up OTHER things I did to him of course. He's wants whatever he does to go way an never be spoken of again, but he's the last one to forgive or forget anything when he thinks he was wronged.
I'm tired.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
((mtr))) no wonder you're tired!!
I get a peaceful night's sleep now I no longer live with an alcoholic - it is wonderful! I don't feel nearly as tired as I used to too. I hope that you too can find your way to living with peace. :ghug3
I get a peaceful night's sleep now I no longer live with an alcoholic - it is wonderful! I don't feel nearly as tired as I used to too. I hope that you too can find your way to living with peace. :ghug3
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: NOVA
Posts: 49
GiveLove,
You sense correctly. I'm doing my legal research now. Trying to find out my rights and hoping to go about it the smart way. I know he' ll be hell on wheels when that time comes, but I'm willing to endure that to gain peace.
You sense correctly. I'm doing my legal research now. Trying to find out my rights and hoping to go about it the smart way. I know he' ll be hell on wheels when that time comes, but I'm willing to endure that to gain peace.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: NOVA
Posts: 49
drained22,
My AH is a drama king so it would be a miracle if he walked away from this gracefully. In his mind, he thinks he's poured just as much into this relationship (finances and all) as I. So I could not begin to predict how the events would happen without a fight.
My AH is a drama king so it would be a miracle if he walked away from this gracefully. In his mind, he thinks he's poured just as much into this relationship (finances and all) as I. So I could not begin to predict how the events would happen without a fight.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
he sounds like a big quacker!
When he starts just pretend you can turn the volume down and don't listen or respond to a word of it.
It's just classic alcoholic quacking.
Good Luck with your plans - keep moving yourself forward!
peace,
b.
When he starts just pretend you can turn the volume down and don't listen or respond to a word of it.
It's just classic alcoholic quacking.
Good Luck with your plans - keep moving yourself forward!
peace,
b.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
As I've said before, to others. Anytime he opens his mouth to speak, just picture a BIG WHITE DUCK with an orange beak, like the duck in the AFLAC commercials.
Keep that picture prominent in your mind and you won't hear a word he is saying. Honest. After all he is just QUACKING. it does work.
Love and hugs,
Keep that picture prominent in your mind and you won't hear a word he is saying. Honest. After all he is just QUACKING. it does work.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Northern KY
Posts: 168
It's really creepy how many of our stories have such an astounding resemblence to one another.
I've always told my AH if he gets arrested, it's his problem because I won't be there to bail him out. He did advise me that I better come get him, but quite frankly it's his problem...not mine.
His current guilt trick is that we don't have physical relations and haven't for a good bit, since around his blow up at me for trying to speak to him as an adult. He can blow up all he wishes, he's helped create this problem, but accepts no fault.
Anyway, it all boils down to what you want, what you've got and what you're willing to live and deal with for the rest of your marriage/life. If you're comfortable living this way(don't think you are or you wouldn't of wound up here) then you can stay. If you want more you have to evaluate the pro's and con's of your relationship to see which one outweighs the other. Then comes the really hard part, dealing with the reality of the situation. You have to figure out how you're going to make your life be the way that you desire, it's much easier said than done.
It may never be like living in Mayberry, but you don't have to end up with 2:00 calls to bail someone out of jail either.
I've always told my AH if he gets arrested, it's his problem because I won't be there to bail him out. He did advise me that I better come get him, but quite frankly it's his problem...not mine.
His current guilt trick is that we don't have physical relations and haven't for a good bit, since around his blow up at me for trying to speak to him as an adult. He can blow up all he wishes, he's helped create this problem, but accepts no fault.
Anyway, it all boils down to what you want, what you've got and what you're willing to live and deal with for the rest of your marriage/life. If you're comfortable living this way(don't think you are or you wouldn't of wound up here) then you can stay. If you want more you have to evaluate the pro's and con's of your relationship to see which one outweighs the other. Then comes the really hard part, dealing with the reality of the situation. You have to figure out how you're going to make your life be the way that you desire, it's much easier said than done.
It may never be like living in Mayberry, but you don't have to end up with 2:00 calls to bail someone out of jail either.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: NOVA
Posts: 49
PowerWithin,
After attending early church service and Sunday school my girlfriend (best friend) called and asked if I wanted a "girls-day-out". I jumped at the opportunity. My son also went along just to get way from this father. It made for a pleasant evening. Thank God for girlfriends who understand, but not judge.
Funny. Last year this time I would have been timid about going out because I would have been concerned about what my AH had to say (control freak). I would have allowed his quacking (as our fellow SRs put it) keep me for doing what I wanted just to keep the peace. Now it really doesn't matter. I wish I had learned that a lot sooner.
After attending early church service and Sunday school my girlfriend (best friend) called and asked if I wanted a "girls-day-out". I jumped at the opportunity. My son also went along just to get way from this father. It made for a pleasant evening. Thank God for girlfriends who understand, but not judge.
Funny. Last year this time I would have been timid about going out because I would have been concerned about what my AH had to say (control freak). I would have allowed his quacking (as our fellow SRs put it) keep me for doing what I wanted just to keep the peace. Now it really doesn't matter. I wish I had learned that a lot sooner.
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