nickishine

Hey you guys... It was the worst binge ever and even worse is the detoxing now! I've been doing this for far too long and just can't anymore, it'll kill me and almost did. A couple nights ago I was going to go to emergency and called a friend to take me -- she was drunk and couldn't. Called another friend and he stayed with me for about 7 hours to see if I'd really need to go to that length -- the hospital -- I didn't thank God! It was the worst night of my life and just can't do this, but I always fail & start again! Insanity. I've tried recovery and failed. I'm so afraid right now cuz I can't seem to stay sober and recover. My friend says I can if I change everything but just don't know how to do that, but want to desperately.

For those of you that sent me PM's (I've responded) and just want to thank you guys here for your love & support! I know my last thread was "pissed off" at you & the world! I felt that way strongly at that time, but don't want to give you that impression now! I'm glad you're here as you maybe my only hope that next hour I want to drink! God bless!

Nicki :ghug

parentrecovers

welcome back, nicki! :ghug3

Mariposa18

Welcome Back Sweetie~ You can do this, we are all here to support you =)

Fubarcdn

It ids ggod that you came baxck and are willing to keep trying. I hope if I falter I will be able to take that step. You are courageous and dedicated. Keep the faith.

James13

Glad you are back. Stay sober today.

Please take care of yourself.

NewDayNow

Welcome back Nicki and god bless

Hevyn

Hi Nicki - you came back, that's all that matters. Now you can get on with it. I found my binges were more devastating at the end of my drinking career. I guess being at it so many years, my body just couldn't bounce back. I stupidly thought that if I was off it for awhile my body was healing - and I could have a few again without doing much damage. Not! Congratulations on seeing what has to be done to regain your life.

nickishine

The "bouncing back" is no longer 1 or 2 days anymore. I've been drinking for many many years too but severely for the past 10+.

Today I WILL NOT TAKE A DRINK ..... no matter what! If I have to stay on this site all day then I will. I just want to remember this hell the next time the chatter starts so I don't give in.

Thanks everyone!!!!
:ghug2

Anna

Hi Nicki,

Take a small step and get out of the vicious cycle of this disease. Don't drink today and see how that change in your day affects all parts of your life. A change like that has a ripple effect. You can do this and you must not give up and let this disease claim you.

Fubarcdn

I have pretty much lived on the site for the last week and I probably would have lapsed without it. My wife was away and my buddies were calling but I stood my ground. Right now I don't even want a drink but unfortunately this feeling too shall likely pass but I will make it through with a little help from my friends here.

Hevyn

That's the trick - remembering the hell we've been through - the remorse, guilt, hangovers, anxiety - if only the memories didn't fade with time. We fool ourselves into thinking somehow the next time will be different. It never is.

Mark75

Glad to see you back nicki. You don't have to drink again. Keep coming back. There is help everywhere, just keep looking.

Do you have phone numbers you can call? You know the URL here.

We are pulliin' for you!

Mark

nickishine

After 100's of times doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results, they only get worse--never better! This last time I remember thinking "I only will drink this 1 bottle of wine and no more...period"!!! I've said that same thing everytime and now the binges last around the clock and for weeks. This disease is INSANE and I feel completely insane when I get to this point in detoxing.... everytime! I should know better, but I do it again & again! I've got to change and just know that the starting point is not taking that 1st drink... ever. AA is working for 2 million people right now. I think I need to really give it my best and get back in no matter how hard it is walking through the doors! Now I'm rambling.... thank you!!!!

:praying

nickishine

Hey Cub...

Yeah I have phone #'s, just need to call them!!!! I'm really bad at reaching out and letting people in and getting help!!! I guess that's another HUGE thing that I need to change!!! They say we need to change EVERYTHING so I'm going to make a decision to call 1 person today and take that step.

Thank you for your thread & bringing this up!!!!:ghug3

CarolD

Good to see you back again...

least

Welcome back! I'm glad you're starting over. You can stay sober, one day at a time. Just don't drink today!:ghug3

lisa t

hey nicki..welcome back...glad u are here! i hear ya about the reaching out for help..i'm not very good at either but i've decided it sure beats the alternative so i swallow my pride and insecurity of people seeing me in a bad state of mind and pick up the phone or go to a meeting! i'm an aa'er and i know alot of people on here don't subscribe...but it works for me...don't know why? quite honestly.. don't care...it works!!
i wish you peace and a sober day today!!!
BIG HUGS!
Lisa

michigangirl

Nikishine, you can do this.. Dont give up

nickishine

Hi Lisa,

The longest time I've stayed sober was when I was going to mtgs all the time. Now my list of friends is nil and I've been so alone for a long time now. AA is a good place to make acquaintances and friends and I'm ready to go back full throttle. Thank you for your thread and reminding me of what really works... at least for a lot of us!!!!

Hugs, :ghug3

Aysha

I am really happy oyu came back.
Take that anger you had and put it toward your recovery.
I know its tough when you dont know where to begin.
And even more so when you feel like it just isnt possible.
But it is. And if you want to bad enough. You can and will.
Glad you are still trying. Never ever stop trying.