Just a thought...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 30
Just a thought...
O.K. a friend and I were talking and in our conversation she said that "you should follow your heart and everything will be ok" To be honest this pissed me off. All I could think was maybe for someone who has never been with an A. I loved my A so much I put myself through hell. And even though I love him still and my heart wants to be with him, this time I am following my mind.
Sorry just needed to share.
Peg
Sorry just needed to share.
Peg
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
Pegasus, telling AH to leave was against everything I was feeling. It was against marriage. I felt like I was abandoning him. And he tried all the more to make me feel bad about my decision. But I knew it had to be done for me and the children, our health, safety, and sanity. I got to the point I just didnt want to think about his drug abuse drama and problems on a daily basis any more. It was wasting my energy. It was robbing my children of any good memories at all because everything centered around AH.
I held on somewhat for the first year after he left, yet kept my distance from him, hoping we would see him clean and in a real recovery. He didn't. He wasn't going to change, and still hasn't. Not that some don't, because some do, if they are willing.
Sometimes we have to do what we don't want to, because it's the best safest thing to do, whether our heart or head wants to.
Your AH being in his 4th treatment in a year gives you every right to question. I probably wouldn't be so trusting either after that track record. You have the right to do and make the decisions that make you feel safe. No one can predict whether an A will be clean, and stay clean even after treatment, this is why these decisions are difficult.
This is the painful unpredictable part of being married to an A. And only time can tell. I gave it a year. By years end he had another girlfriend, and more pills, and lord knows what else. All a while he was telling the kids he was working on coming home. You just never know how it will turn out.
One decision at a time.
Huggs, I know it's not easy.
I held on somewhat for the first year after he left, yet kept my distance from him, hoping we would see him clean and in a real recovery. He didn't. He wasn't going to change, and still hasn't. Not that some don't, because some do, if they are willing.
Sometimes we have to do what we don't want to, because it's the best safest thing to do, whether our heart or head wants to.
Your AH being in his 4th treatment in a year gives you every right to question. I probably wouldn't be so trusting either after that track record. You have the right to do and make the decisions that make you feel safe. No one can predict whether an A will be clean, and stay clean even after treatment, this is why these decisions are difficult.
This is the painful unpredictable part of being married to an A. And only time can tell. I gave it a year. By years end he had another girlfriend, and more pills, and lord knows what else. All a while he was telling the kids he was working on coming home. You just never know how it will turn out.
One decision at a time.
Huggs, I know it's not easy.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: delta,bc, canada
Posts: 83
Pegasus, I have three grown children and each and every one of them are the most amazing people you could ever meet. They don't drink or swear or do drugs. This time last year it was my son's birthday, I took him out for lunch and after this he told me, actually yelled, this with you and him has to end. I had been lying to all of them about the black eyes and cuts and the sadness I was feeling. But they knew.
At this time my X had been out on a six day binge, when he arrived home everything he owned was in the back of the truck that was in my name, and not insured anymore. I never thought that he would steal that truck but he did along with a diamond ring that my father gave to my mother. He took the truck and drove it without any insurance.
But do you know what? I still felt guilty and wrong for throwing him out. I still missed him. So I now look at myself and I know how damaged I must be to have put up with and to have endured all the abuse and being used.
I pray for him and think of him everyday. I also thank HP for the family I have who virtually saved my life. One day I will know why it was necessary for me to have known him and why this was all supposed to be.
Everything for a reason!
At this time my X had been out on a six day binge, when he arrived home everything he owned was in the back of the truck that was in my name, and not insured anymore. I never thought that he would steal that truck but he did along with a diamond ring that my father gave to my mother. He took the truck and drove it without any insurance.
But do you know what? I still felt guilty and wrong for throwing him out. I still missed him. So I now look at myself and I know how damaged I must be to have put up with and to have endured all the abuse and being used.
I pray for him and think of him everyday. I also thank HP for the family I have who virtually saved my life. One day I will know why it was necessary for me to have known him and why this was all supposed to be.
Everything for a reason!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 30
Wow, my Ah did the same thing. We put the truck and insurance in my name on the condition that if he ever took off with it on a run that I would take the plates off. It wasn't even a week before he left with it. When he got back I did take the plates off and man was he pissed. ( So now its in his mom's name)
I know all to well what living in an abusive home is like. My dad was and still is an A. He beat mom and us when he was plastered. We left him over and over but she always took him back. We hated that he was coming back home. She finally divorced him 17 years later. I was already married by then.
I know all to well what living in an abusive home is like. My dad was and still is an A. He beat mom and us when he was plastered. We left him over and over but she always took him back. We hated that he was coming back home. She finally divorced him 17 years later. I was already married by then.
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