bunkie09

it's been two days since i popped a pill. i came clean to a very important man in my life... i am tired of lying, tired of covering up my addiciton... i've been feeling icky about the lies, the masks. I told him that I needed help. I was scared to tell him, because he is always telling how grateful he is to have me, how wonderful I am, how beautiful I am. He actually, hugged me. He told me he was proud of me, that what I did, what I told him, showed him how strong I can be.
I've been to treatment-not knowing that this addiction could manifest itself into every aspect of my life- even after I came back home and sort of worked the program. Yeah, I only half butted it. That was over twenty years ago. LOL, can't believe that. And two days ago, I came to realize, I haven't changed my way of thinking, my way of preventing in anyway at all. I still am an "addict". So, I didn't drink anymore, but that didn't take away the addict. Today, I still am an addict. I stopped "taking" pills on January 14th, 2009. And, I still am an addict. I want to recover, I want to let it go now and let God take it.


:praying

Bamboozle

Welcome to SR, bunkie.

Fubarcdn

Wanting it badly is half the battle. You have a good man supporting you. Don't forget to thank him often. Doing this together with him will make your relationship so much stronger in the long run. Good luck.

prettypoison

Welcome to SR bunkie! It is hard to accept once an addict, always an addict but it just is... I'm glad you have someone supportive in your life, it is really important--oh and we're here too!

parentrecovers

nice to have you here, bunky! hugs, k

hollyce

Welcome! Welcome! From what you've written here, I can deduce you are on the right path... and that you're STONG! Keep it up. Lots of love and support here @ SR.

lovinmenow

Hey Bunkie, Please see a doctor about your recovery. There are mixed message among the sober community about this but there are drugs YOU CAN go on that will help with cravings and depression that comes with the first stages of being sober. YOu need to have bloodwork done to see if there is any damage if any, and talk to the doctor about treatment and what your options are. I am on two different pills, one for depression and one for cravings and they seem to be doing the job. Good luck and welcome to the board. Stay strong and we will all be keeping in touch.

bunkie09

its another day, new day. I have an appointment today at 1:30 for iopt. I almost wish I'd gone for in-patient. But, (yeah, but) I need to learn how to reach out to people. It's too easy there to do that. I am going to a meeting tonite. I've never liked meetings, I guess we all felt like that at first? I know that is how I feel. My s/o told me last nite, he is not going to coddle me; he described it like the way we treat my sister with her problem. we don't reach out to her, or enable her in anyway. So, he told me, that is the way he is with me, at the point to where he is not sure of my intentions, whether I am true or not. Told him that I understood and that I have no blame for that. I asked him to call me on my BS. It's going to be stormy. Am I ready for that? I honestly don't know. I have to give it a shot, cause the other ways, the easy way out, never worked. Headlong into it.

Thanks for everyone's welcome. I am grateful for this forum. For finding you guys. Thanks!:ghug