She left them behind. . .
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: orlando, FL
Posts: 4
She left them behind. . .
Long before she was arrested. My sister abandoned her kids 10 years ago, by choosing to party instead of parent.
She finished nursing school and set off to work her first hospital as a certified RN. We were all so proud of her. Always making bad choices in men, friends, finances, etc. her life had always been unstable. Married to a guy who can't keep a job to save his life, and could care less to have to work anyway. Regardless of the 3 kids or his wife who was going to school to beat a new path of stability for her family.
Move ahead 7 years. . . Fired from her 5th job as a nurse because of drug tests coming back "dirty". Here we go again, borrowing money to pay her bills late, getting evicted from their 7th place, 4 cars repossessed, 2 bank accounts closed, kids video games and bikes coming up missing, moving back in with my parents (yes, the whole family of 5 for the 3rd time), stealing food and anything "pawnable" from my house and my parents house, and the list goes on.
Hiding her track marks with an ace bandage and the excuse of pulling a ligament in her arm while moving a patient from one bed to another. Picking her face to shreds and losing 45 lbs in less than 4 months. Coming over to my house to "borrow" gas money and cigarette money from my 16 year old son. Making my father scrape together change to give her, so she could buy milk for the baby. All the while the loser husband sits at home and sucks up the AC and lays down the law.
Now here we are, she finally gets busted. Stolen prescription pads from various doctors offices, filling them out and "cashing them in". 3 Walgreens in less than 2 hours. BUSTED! Cops handcuff her and arrest her for 3 counts of drug trafficking. Oxycotin. Same thing she had been shooting in her arm for the past year. $50,000.00 Bond. My entire family is tapped out with helping her financially, mentally, and emotionally.
Oh yeah, let's not forget the 3 children laying eyes to it all. Thank God not the Walgreens incident. They were at the house waiting on her to bring back lunch. 4 hours later, the 17 year old figures out that something is very wrong.
My dad has to go pick up his truck, as he had loaned it to her so she could get to work and get the kids to school ( her car was repo'ed AGAIN).
I now have the 3 kids, along with my 2. Who would have thought at the age of 36 I would have 5 children. 17, 17, 11, 4 and 4. I love them with all of my heart and soul. I feel for these kids every day. I die inside when the little one asks where Mommy is, when the 11 year old falls apart and can't even speak, and the 17 year old laughs and calls himself a nomad because he is numb to it all (on the surface).
This is their safe place. It's always been a real home to them. My husband works 7 days a week now to pay for the extra groceries, lunch money, field trips, weekend fun, school clothes and supplies, etc. With the economy the way it is. . .well, I just don't know. I am honestly scared of disappointing these kids. I was laid off from my job, and now pick up gigs here and there so I can be home for them.
All my sister cares about is getting out. "When am I getting out of here, I don't want to be here. Why can't my family who is supposed to love me get the bail money together?" She is in the best place right now. For all of us.
I am angry, sad, worried, stressed, exhausted,and strangely, seeing the kids happy and knowing they do not have to see their mom stick needles in her arms anymore, relieved. Now we have to deal with the loser dead-beat dad trying to lay down his laws while we raise his kids. I am tempted to call the cops and let them go get him for the warrant he has out for his arrest. People tell me that could be a horrible thing to have to explain to the girls. So, add one more to my list of emotions. . . confused.
I just want them to be free of all the pain and let down that their lives have been consumed with. We want to give them back what was taken from them. Trust. So, where do I go from here?:praying
She finished nursing school and set off to work her first hospital as a certified RN. We were all so proud of her. Always making bad choices in men, friends, finances, etc. her life had always been unstable. Married to a guy who can't keep a job to save his life, and could care less to have to work anyway. Regardless of the 3 kids or his wife who was going to school to beat a new path of stability for her family.
Move ahead 7 years. . . Fired from her 5th job as a nurse because of drug tests coming back "dirty". Here we go again, borrowing money to pay her bills late, getting evicted from their 7th place, 4 cars repossessed, 2 bank accounts closed, kids video games and bikes coming up missing, moving back in with my parents (yes, the whole family of 5 for the 3rd time), stealing food and anything "pawnable" from my house and my parents house, and the list goes on.
Hiding her track marks with an ace bandage and the excuse of pulling a ligament in her arm while moving a patient from one bed to another. Picking her face to shreds and losing 45 lbs in less than 4 months. Coming over to my house to "borrow" gas money and cigarette money from my 16 year old son. Making my father scrape together change to give her, so she could buy milk for the baby. All the while the loser husband sits at home and sucks up the AC and lays down the law.
Now here we are, she finally gets busted. Stolen prescription pads from various doctors offices, filling them out and "cashing them in". 3 Walgreens in less than 2 hours. BUSTED! Cops handcuff her and arrest her for 3 counts of drug trafficking. Oxycotin. Same thing she had been shooting in her arm for the past year. $50,000.00 Bond. My entire family is tapped out with helping her financially, mentally, and emotionally.
Oh yeah, let's not forget the 3 children laying eyes to it all. Thank God not the Walgreens incident. They were at the house waiting on her to bring back lunch. 4 hours later, the 17 year old figures out that something is very wrong.
My dad has to go pick up his truck, as he had loaned it to her so she could get to work and get the kids to school ( her car was repo'ed AGAIN).
I now have the 3 kids, along with my 2. Who would have thought at the age of 36 I would have 5 children. 17, 17, 11, 4 and 4. I love them with all of my heart and soul. I feel for these kids every day. I die inside when the little one asks where Mommy is, when the 11 year old falls apart and can't even speak, and the 17 year old laughs and calls himself a nomad because he is numb to it all (on the surface).
This is their safe place. It's always been a real home to them. My husband works 7 days a week now to pay for the extra groceries, lunch money, field trips, weekend fun, school clothes and supplies, etc. With the economy the way it is. . .well, I just don't know. I am honestly scared of disappointing these kids. I was laid off from my job, and now pick up gigs here and there so I can be home for them.
All my sister cares about is getting out. "When am I getting out of here, I don't want to be here. Why can't my family who is supposed to love me get the bail money together?" She is in the best place right now. For all of us.
I am angry, sad, worried, stressed, exhausted,and strangely, seeing the kids happy and knowing they do not have to see their mom stick needles in her arms anymore, relieved. Now we have to deal with the loser dead-beat dad trying to lay down his laws while we raise his kids. I am tempted to call the cops and let them go get him for the warrant he has out for his arrest. People tell me that could be a horrible thing to have to explain to the girls. So, add one more to my list of emotions. . . confused.
I just want them to be free of all the pain and let down that their lives have been consumed with. We want to give them back what was taken from them. Trust. So, where do I go from here?:praying
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
I have no idea what it's like to be where you are, but what an angel you are for those children! My Aunts and Uncles were all such a saving grace for me, I know how much you both mean to them! Bless you for the love you have to give!
I'm sorry for what your sister is putting you, her children and the family through. IMO, you've all done enough. There's no need for confusion, you are helping her, you have her children and are giving them a life they "should" have had. That's enough. No matter what she says!!!!
(((hugs)))
I'm sorry for what your sister is putting you, her children and the family through. IMO, you've all done enough. There's no need for confusion, you are helping her, you have her children and are giving them a life they "should" have had. That's enough. No matter what she says!!!!
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Wow to say I am sorry just don't cut it. You are truly a hero. I really can't imagine what you must be feeling, this was not something you asked for in life. Just know god will bless you one day for all that you are doing, I hope one someday your sister will get clean and see just how much your family has loved and done for her. Sounds to me like leaving her in jail is the best chance of her getting clean, at least for a while. It maybe time to go to the state and take legal actions to keep the children. I will be praying for you and your family. Hugs, Julie
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Those kids really are blessed to have you. They are the important ones here and someone needs to be their voice.
My thoughts are to get legal assistance and get legal guardianship, and then let mom and dad fend for themselves.
You can't help her, and he doesn't seem to want help either, and I believe they will play the family and milk everything they can from you all to avoid taking responsibility for themselves.
It's time for the family to step back and let the parents find their bottom. Only then will they even consider getting help.
My prayers go out for you and your husband for help and strength taking care of those kids, and special prayers for them also.
Addiction really is a family disease, and you certainly have had more than your share.
God bless you for being there.
Hugs
My thoughts are to get legal assistance and get legal guardianship, and then let mom and dad fend for themselves.
You can't help her, and he doesn't seem to want help either, and I believe they will play the family and milk everything they can from you all to avoid taking responsibility for themselves.
It's time for the family to step back and let the parents find their bottom. Only then will they even consider getting help.
My prayers go out for you and your husband for help and strength taking care of those kids, and special prayers for them also.
Addiction really is a family disease, and you certainly have had more than your share.
God bless you for being there.
Hugs
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I agree with Ann...go after what you need for the kids and let the parents figure out thier own lives. As far as the dad, maybe you could whisper in his ear...
"Don't step in my way or I make the calls"
And if comes to it, make the calls.
My heart and prayers go out to your whole family
(((Hugs)))
"Don't step in my way or I make the calls"
And if comes to it, make the calls.
My heart and prayers go out to your whole family
(((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
The worst part of addiction is what it does to kids - thank God they have you and your husband to help take care of them. While you're struggling to handle all the bills remember that what kids really want is love - i was very happy when i realized this. I cant afford to buy things for my kids - we typically only make necessary purchases but I know that my daughter is happier spending time doing "free" things than she is doing things that cost money. These kids have probably lost out on a lot of that quality time being with their parents and just you spending time with them is something they have never had and something that money cant buy. You're doing a wonderful thing - hang in there and take help from others when you can get it - its amazing how things do work out when you're in these tight spots.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
Well it seems your life has taken a drastic change there rio.
I agree....get to court immediately, get legal guardianship of the children, you may be able to get assistance to help with food, medical, dental and other necessities for the children. Look into this. Get as much help as is available. They will be needing counseling ASAP.
I would recommend no helping the mother. She is unfit to parent any children for a very long time if ever. And it seems she will be away for very very long time.
That is amazing police work. And... It's scary to think she was a nurse. The judge will make an example of her. Is it in the newspaper?
Anyway I just want to say thankyou for all you are doing for those children. Keep up the good work.
I agree....get to court immediately, get legal guardianship of the children, you may be able to get assistance to help with food, medical, dental and other necessities for the children. Look into this. Get as much help as is available. They will be needing counseling ASAP.
I would recommend no helping the mother. She is unfit to parent any children for a very long time if ever. And it seems she will be away for very very long time.
Now here we are, she finally gets busted. Stolen prescription pads from various doctors offices, filling them out and "cashing them in". 3 Walgreens in less than 2 hours. BUSTED! Cops handcuff her and arrest her for 3 counts of drug trafficking. Oxycotin. Same thing she had been shooting in her arm for the past year. $50,000.00 Bond.
Anyway I just want to say thankyou for all you are doing for those children. Keep up the good work.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I also agree with getting legal guardianship, as this may make you eligible for assistance in taking care of them. Some people see getting assistance as a sign of weakness, but it's not.
I'm glad the kids have you, and they are very blessed.
As for your sister, she is where she needs to be. I am a recovering addict, and was also a nurse. I know it is horrible to think of what she did, but addiction is a horrible thing and makes us do things we wouldn't do otherwise. This is not to justify what she (or I) did, but she will pay for what she did, and hopefully it will be enough to make her want to seek recovery...it did me. Though I did not do the same things your sister did, I do not have my nursing license, at this time, and my family did not bail me out. It was only facing the consequences of my addiction that made me seek recovery.
I'm glad you're here. This is a wonderful place, full of supportive people.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm glad the kids have you, and they are very blessed.
As for your sister, she is where she needs to be. I am a recovering addict, and was also a nurse. I know it is horrible to think of what she did, but addiction is a horrible thing and makes us do things we wouldn't do otherwise. This is not to justify what she (or I) did, but she will pay for what she did, and hopefully it will be enough to make her want to seek recovery...it did me. Though I did not do the same things your sister did, I do not have my nursing license, at this time, and my family did not bail me out. It was only facing the consequences of my addiction that made me seek recovery.
I'm glad you're here. This is a wonderful place, full of supportive people.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
I think you can help them get trust back by helping them to realize that not all people are unreliable. You do that everyday by caring for them and being there for them. They will never build up trust in their parents...atleast not while they continue to be active. But they certainly can build up trust in others.
In your place I would definitely consider seeking legal guardianship so that maybe they could feel like they do belong somewhere.
In your place I would definitely consider seeking legal guardianship so that maybe they could feel like they do belong somewhere.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Bless you for taking those kids in, I agree with the above, get legal advice...for custody & financial assistence for them. Don't know if you have ever gone to Alanon or Naranon meetings, however I think it would be very advisable. Also, in our area there is Ala-teen, this would also be beneficial for the older kids.
Hugs & Prayers coming your way.
Chris
Hugs & Prayers coming your way.
Chris
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Welcome to SR!!! In hindsight doesn't all her past behavior make sense now?? My 31 year old daughter is my addict, she also was a nurse, also couldn't keep a job. I've been raising her son for the past 3 years, and now when I look back, so many things are clearer now.
I spent years making excuses for her bad behavior....not getting her rent paid on time....not able to keep jobs....not paying bills on time....not keeping her son well clothed ( I would jump in and buy him whatever he needed)....ah...the list goes on and on
I was just telling someone at work...when you have to keep making excuses for someone....something is wrong....funny how crystal clear that is in hindsight.
Bless you for taking those children, you are an absolute angel.....hope you find some time for yourself.....
Welcome to SR....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Welcome to SR. I have not been in your shoes but I can imagine how much it must hurt. Put the children first and do what you need to do to take care of them. You are a wonderful person for doing just that. I will keep you and your growing family in my prayers. Hugs, Marle
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
baby,
What a wonderful, woarm, compassionate Aunt you are, and your husband also sounds like a doll, putting in 7 days a week to provide for you all.
The question you asked about having the children build trust. Trust, unfortunately is not something you can give them, but what you are giving them, is building trust.
It is amazes me, that drugs attack the conscience, leaving children homeless, and neglected, my son also did the same.
As for the parents of the kids, as far as I would be concerned, they're on their own. Let them assume responsibilities for their own lives.
hugs, and prayers for strength...
What a wonderful, woarm, compassionate Aunt you are, and your husband also sounds like a doll, putting in 7 days a week to provide for you all.
The question you asked about having the children build trust. Trust, unfortunately is not something you can give them, but what you are giving them, is building trust.
It is amazes me, that drugs attack the conscience, leaving children homeless, and neglected, my son also did the same.
As for the parents of the kids, as far as I would be concerned, they're on their own. Let them assume responsibilities for their own lives.
hugs, and prayers for strength...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: hangin on usa
Posts: 42
Rio, Do you plan to get DCF involved? They should have been involved already right? I am in FL also and we went through DCF to adopt my husband's grandaughter. Do whatever you can to get custody, guardian ship or whatever. The state provides couseling and a family stipend for their care. You should not have to bear all the burden, I know because we did for many years. Medicaid and 4 yrs of college are provided for these older kids. I would check it out sooner rather than later. Bless you and your family.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
OMG, you and Mr. Riobaby are saints! Thank the Lord those children have you in their lives. How terribly sad for them to have witnessed all that they have in their young lives.
Isn't there a CPS that can help you with legal guardianship? I do believe they could help you with some support money too.
My sister took legal guardianship of her husband's nephew years ago because both mom and dad were alcoholics. She raised him along with her 3 boys. In fact, he must have loved living with them 'cause he's still there and he's 46. LOL.
Hugs, Dev
Isn't there a CPS that can help you with legal guardianship? I do believe they could help you with some support money too.
My sister took legal guardianship of her husband's nephew years ago because both mom and dad were alcoholics. She raised him along with her 3 boys. In fact, he must have loved living with them 'cause he's still there and he's 46. LOL.
Hugs, Dev
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