Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Standing Up for Ourselves

We learn some behaviors have self-defeating consequences, while others have beneficial consequences. We learn we have choices.
--Beyond Codependency

It is so easy to come to the defense of others. How clear it is when others are being used, controlled, manipulated, or abused. It is so easy to fight their battles, become righteously indignant, rally to their aid, and spur them on to victory.

"You have rights," we tell them. "And those rights are being violated. Stand up for yourself, without guilt."

Why is it so hard, then, for us to rally to our own behalf? Why can't we see when we are being used, victimized, lied to, manipulated, or otherwise violated? Why is it so difficult for us to stand up for ourselves?

There are times in life when we can walk a gentle, loving path. There are times, however, when we need to stand up for ourselves - when walking the gentle, loving path puts us deeper into the hands of those who could mistreat us.

Some days, the lesson we're to be learning and practicing is one of setting boundaries. Some days, the lesson we're learning is that of fighting for our own rights and ourselves.

Sometimes, the lesson won't stop until we do.

Today, I will rally to my own cause. I will remember that it is okay to stand up for myself when that action is appropriate. Help me, God, to let go of my need to be victimized. Help me appropriately, and with confidence, stand up for myself.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

I was a slow learning when it came to standing up for myself. Something felt uncomfortable, like I was being defensive or going against the grain.

Learning to stand in my own truth, even when I stood alone, has been another one of the many valuable gifts of recovery.

Hugs

freeflower

love that book, my nightly reading right before the lights go out

SerenityGirl

I am slowly learning to stand up for myself. I am realizing that my needs are important too!!!!

grateful2b

when I was young, standing up for me was a completely foreign concept.
Learning to stand up for me, has been a galvanizing, validating and healing lesson in my life.
But I still find I have to play the tape all the way through sometimes and remind myself of my right to speak my truth.

bmychelle

I Need this book. It is so hard for me to stand up for myself, guess the old tapes from my childhood keep playing in my head.

winnie12

sometimes i think Ann posts these after reading my threads.
Thank you - these are always so helpful - i probably should get the book but i enjoy your posts and your insights after them so much that i like reading yours