Crisis averted
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Crisis averted
Once I thanked FormerDoormat because thanks to her posts I avoided a mistake.
I befriended someone and started to get fond of him, however there is a catch I just learned - he is married with a kid.
I was angry with my exAH and the new girlfriend and the cheating when I stopped and said, "what the hell? what kind of person would I be if I let my instincts rule me regardless of anything? how could I feel bad about the cruelty of others, while doing myself not the same stuff, but much worse, and hurting others in the process KNOWINGLY?"
I decided I did not want to be that kind of person. I am better than that.
I woke up and today told him that no, I will not be part of that. He said it was the first time he thought about cheating and he also felt glad we were able to stop before we got physical, because he did not want to be like his father. He said he loved me, oh yes, sure, as he loves his wife? Man am I understanding why some girls turn to lesbianism lol. If they are not ready to commit then WHY DO IT?? We are ALL better off without lies!!!
I cannot say I did not ponder about the possibility, with all the attraction going on, the attention he gave me, the flowers and my loneliness. But no... I am no longer accepting the unacceptable. Believe me, before, I wouldn't have given a damn, not to hurt others, because I hurt so much thinking there is just No Love For Me and I need to take any crumb of it or whatever that looks like it. That's how pathetic I was...
Crisis averted. I now believe it was a test!!
I befriended someone and started to get fond of him, however there is a catch I just learned - he is married with a kid.
I was angry with my exAH and the new girlfriend and the cheating when I stopped and said, "what the hell? what kind of person would I be if I let my instincts rule me regardless of anything? how could I feel bad about the cruelty of others, while doing myself not the same stuff, but much worse, and hurting others in the process KNOWINGLY?"
I decided I did not want to be that kind of person. I am better than that.
I woke up and today told him that no, I will not be part of that. He said it was the first time he thought about cheating and he also felt glad we were able to stop before we got physical, because he did not want to be like his father. He said he loved me, oh yes, sure, as he loves his wife? Man am I understanding why some girls turn to lesbianism lol. If they are not ready to commit then WHY DO IT?? We are ALL better off without lies!!!
I cannot say I did not ponder about the possibility, with all the attraction going on, the attention he gave me, the flowers and my loneliness. But no... I am no longer accepting the unacceptable. Believe me, before, I wouldn't have given a damn, not to hurt others, because I hurt so much thinking there is just No Love For Me and I need to take any crumb of it or whatever that looks like it. That's how pathetic I was...
Crisis averted. I now believe it was a test!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: California
Posts: 303
Great Job Dreamer!!!
Knowing and recognizing our past "behaviors" is nearly half the battle. That's beautiful that you prevented yourself from doing something that would only harm you!!!
Way to take care of yourself!!!
Shivaya
Knowing and recognizing our past "behaviors" is nearly half the battle. That's beautiful that you prevented yourself from doing something that would only harm you!!!
Way to take care of yourself!!!
Shivaya
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi genrs and FormerDoormat
Its funny, one post here and you impacted 4 people's lives far away for the best, FD.
Thanks for your support! After that I had to stay for a while and I was working late... around 8pm I listen the ex laughing..and a girl's laugh... yes now she takes her to the office. I know he owes me no explanation now, but I feel more and more betrayed, maybe because if I was the one with the boyfriend I would NEVER take him nearby... let alone TO THE OFFICE... this guy needs a good lesson about manners... but well, keep expecting Dreamer, keep expecting.
Of course it hurt me and I am crying and crying, listening to the songs and reading One Email still left saying all these things not so much ago. Its like Woody Allen says.. "despair..!! will it never end?"
Supposedly if you do good stuff then good stuff comes to you, so why? I do something well one day and this is the response, opening the scar yet again!! when is the good stuff coming? when!!
PS Al anon is still waiting for me, Im working like no one there in the office and leaving late daily
PPS I am about to read Codependent no more, can't wait to leave this insanity.
PPPS I owe some PMs , please bear with me while this week ends..
Its funny, one post here and you impacted 4 people's lives far away for the best, FD.
Thanks for your support! After that I had to stay for a while and I was working late... around 8pm I listen the ex laughing..and a girl's laugh... yes now she takes her to the office. I know he owes me no explanation now, but I feel more and more betrayed, maybe because if I was the one with the boyfriend I would NEVER take him nearby... let alone TO THE OFFICE... this guy needs a good lesson about manners... but well, keep expecting Dreamer, keep expecting.
Of course it hurt me and I am crying and crying, listening to the songs and reading One Email still left saying all these things not so much ago. Its like Woody Allen says.. "despair..!! will it never end?"
Supposedly if you do good stuff then good stuff comes to you, so why? I do something well one day and this is the response, opening the scar yet again!! when is the good stuff coming? when!!
PS Al anon is still waiting for me, Im working like no one there in the office and leaving late daily
PPS I am about to read Codependent no more, can't wait to leave this insanity.
PPPS I owe some PMs , please bear with me while this week ends..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
"I do something well one day and this is the response, opening the scar yet again!! when is the good stuff coming? when!!"
It's yet another (hard) lesson in the universe's teaching plan to break our illusions of control!! The "good" will come not from the direction you are expecting it to - and it will come in its own time...try to keep an open mind!
I think you'll enjoy Codependent No More. It's an eye-opener.
peace-
B.
It's yet another (hard) lesson in the universe's teaching plan to break our illusions of control!! The "good" will come not from the direction you are expecting it to - and it will come in its own time...try to keep an open mind!
I think you'll enjoy Codependent No More. It's an eye-opener.
peace-
B.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I believe that if I do good things and make healthy choices that good things will happen to me in return. You ask when will the good things happen? All in due time. Sometimes good things are happening all around me but I'm too distracted with other things to recognize them.
One thing that helps me recognize all that's good in my life is routinely taking the time to list all that's good in my life. So each night before I fall asleep, I take my "good things" inventory and thank my higher power for each one. At first my list seemed to include the same things every night, but that list has grown so long that I find myself falling asleep before I can finish counting my blessings. Is that because my blessings are increasing rapidly or because I'm now recognizing how good life really is now that I'm no longer focusing on someone other than myself? I think it's a little of both.
Attending Alanon and reading books by Melody Beatty and others were very helpful to me. I think you'll find them helpful, too.
One thing that helps me recognize all that's good in my life is routinely taking the time to list all that's good in my life. So each night before I fall asleep, I take my "good things" inventory and thank my higher power for each one. At first my list seemed to include the same things every night, but that list has grown so long that I find myself falling asleep before I can finish counting my blessings. Is that because my blessings are increasing rapidly or because I'm now recognizing how good life really is now that I'm no longer focusing on someone other than myself? I think it's a little of both.
Attending Alanon and reading books by Melody Beatty and others were very helpful to me. I think you'll find them helpful, too.
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Thanks to all. Yes, now the blessing today: I feel much more comfortable having taken that sadness out. I expect it back these days now that I am no longer distracted with the other guy.
I am more patient with myself, I do not let anyone tell me what should I do or how should I feel. I just say to myself "yes, it hurts. of course it does hurt like hell"
That is one of the lessons of yoga, to be present and to be uncomfortable, and stay with it knowing its temporary. Of course easier said than done huh!
Thank you for making me feel supported, I do not feel alone in this journey.
I am more patient with myself, I do not let anyone tell me what should I do or how should I feel. I just say to myself "yes, it hurts. of course it does hurt like hell"
That is one of the lessons of yoga, to be present and to be uncomfortable, and stay with it knowing its temporary. Of course easier said than done huh!
Thank you for making me feel supported, I do not feel alone in this journey.
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