Sonky

Hello again SR. My name is Sonky and I'm an alcoholic again. After making it through 4 days last week, I fell over on Saturday night.

The usual thing - BBQ at a friends, bring your own grog. I even asked my husband if he thought I should take beer and he said, "Sure. You can drink without getting stupid about it." HA!! Isn't that how I got here in the first place.

But that was all the encouragement I needed. And since Saturday night, there was a few beers by the pool on Sunday, and Monday, and friends came over on Tuesday evening because it was so hot, and it was even hotter last night - so there goes another 2 cartons of beer. (24 beers per carton)

Now it's Thursday and I'm again in that place where I am swamped by guilt, foggy in the head and dry in the mouth. It's only 10:30am here and I have already checked the bar fridge to see if there is any beer left. When I caught myself thinking about beer again at this time of the morning, considering how I feel physically, I realised that I am right back where I started.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. It's only 2 weeks into the new year and I am quitting drinking again for the second time.

I quit smoking last year, on 10th January, and it was MUCH easier. Mind you, I did go to a hypnotherapist for that. I wonder if they can cure my drinking as easily??

Fubarcdn

You should come to Canada for your summer Sonky. It is freezing here right now and you would have no desire to have beers in the backyard by the pool/ice rink.
Just kidding. Start as many times as necessary but keep coming back. It will click. Good luck and enjoy the pool. We are all jealous of that as we freeze in the dark.

prettypoison

Welcome to SR Sonky. I've never tried hypnosis, but I would try just about anything that would keep me sober. Trying to stop drinking is the hardest thing I've ever done as well. Everything I've tried alone has failed that's why I'm here. We're here to support you.

Dee74

I know that feeling well Sonky LOL.

The fact is I always was, always am, always will be.

It's not easy to admit that tho - we keep trying to find ways around it. Took me 15 years to surrender - I hope you're smarter than me

welcome back
D

sailorjohn

welcome!!!

Alcoholism can be treated, but there is no cure. Program talk, you can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber. Keep coming back, you'll find good advice and lots of support here.

Sonky

Thanks so much, guys. And thanks, Sailor John, can I use this quote, I love it. It's the best explanation I have ever heard. I might not be able to get back to being a cucumber, but I can try to be the best pickle I can be, eh?

It's another scorcher here again today, too. 11am and 36deg celcius!!! I think we are heading for a storm this evening - can't sit out by the pool drinking beer in the middle of a summer thunderstorm!!! Even if it doesn't storm, I think I would be better off staying inside, in the air-con, with a jug of iced tea?

Just thinking about this afternoon, and already the worms are talking, trying to convince me that cold beer is the best thing for a hot day. I am going to have to stay busy, busy, busy.....

Anna

Hi Sonky,

Welcome!

I think you are finding that it takes a lot of changes to get through early recovery.

I definitely could not be around people who were drinking, for a very long time. So, I had to rearrange my life, and it really helped me.

Enjoy your heat! It's freezing cold here in Canada today!

Sonky

Don't mean to rub it in, as far as the weather goes, but it has just hit 40deg.c outside.

Anna

I just went out for a walk, and with the wind, it's -20 C. here.

Aysha

Just keep trying.

Sonky

It's good to be back, Anna and Chynita. Even though I'm back to Day 1 again, I'm still back. I need to keep trying no matter what. There's that saying that goes, The failure is not in the falling, it is in not getting back up, or something like that.

As long as I can still get back up, I will keep trying.

michigangirl

Sonky, As others have said, keep coming back and keep trying.


I can't remember how many times I have tried to quit, only to pick up again because I felt as if I got permission from my husband.

Hang in there.

CarolD

Welcome back to SR...

I too had false starts on my way to solid recovery.
I hope you will find your way soon.

Sonky

Sometimes it feels as though this is all just too hard. Another impromptu pool party again last night and I could not stop myself again. I suppose, in a lucky way, I did only have 4 beers left in the fridge, so had to stop there. The point is, I should not have started.

Summer is just too good of an excuse to enjoy oneself. I might be only sprouting excuses, but when it's still 43deg.c at 6:30pm and your pool is full of neighbours and kids, and all the neighbours have drinks in their hands before they even get through the front gate????

Well, I'm here again today, aren't I? Back to Day 1 again. It's Friday, it's 15deg cooler than yesterday, it's cloudy and there is no beer anywhere in the house. All I have to do is make sure I don't buy any, and tell my hubby not to buy any too??

weekendbinger

Sonky:

Welcome back! What can you do to change your routine? And maybe fill the frig with sodas, juices & teas!!! Keep reminding yourself of the pain and guilt you feel after a bad drunk episode. Write on a card what your alcoholism does to you and your family. When you feel the urge to have that beer, READ that card!!!

Do you really have fun when you drink just a few beers? When I would do that, I didn't have fun.....because I really wanted to drink more. Just a thought.

stone

Hi Sonky, there are always excuses to drink but never a good enough reason when we know what it does to us. I know being surrounded by people drinking IS hard though.
At some point we have to make the decision that the excuses just aren't good enough.

gonzo9730

5th day over here in k-town @ about -1 degrees. I am still struggling with the beast to. Although in the past six months I have managed to change my relationship with alcohol considerably. That's not to suggest that I can try to moderate; I don't think an alcoholic can do that. I've managed to go some pretty good stretches without it and now when I do fall off the wagon it's a lot less hard.

It takes a while to break the "chain" of addiction. Just like anyother habit one has. Your ability to quit for just four days should show that you are capable of sobriety. You just need the strength to resist temptation. For a while you should consider not having improptu parties or go to them, until you are confident to be around others and be able to demontrate to choice not to drink properly.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and think of the better days that are ahead of you.