Really Messed up!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Norwich
Posts: 10
Really Messed up!!!!
Ok I was at university and thought I was fine but then I started drinking for no apparent reason! I ended up totally smashed after my lectures, being sick in the toilet, crying and generally creating mayhem! One of my friends had to phone my parents to pick me up and they were really scared! I feel so ashamed and embarrased! How the hell can I go back and face everyone in my class after that?! They must think Im a freak!!! I feel like I just want to run away now and give up
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 811
I am so sorry for you and know exactly what you mean about having to go back and face those people. I've had to do it before too. It is so hard, but you are just going to have to pick yourself up and go back. As hard as it is---let it be a reminder for next time.
Hang in there.:ghug3
Hang in there.:ghug3
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
To me one of the hardest but most couragous thing we can do in our addiction is face the music.
You cant hide forever.And you wouldnt really want to.
So you messed up. Learn from it. Remember how your feeling right now the next time you think you want to drink.
I know when I had to show my face after doing something like that. It took everything I had in me to even attempt it.
But once you do it and get it over with. It will be just a memory. Take it and use that as your drive to do whats right. Show in your actions that isnt what your about. Everyone has those moments one way or another.
Dont be too hard yourself.
You cant hide forever.And you wouldnt really want to.
So you messed up. Learn from it. Remember how your feeling right now the next time you think you want to drink.
I know when I had to show my face after doing something like that. It took everything I had in me to even attempt it.
But once you do it and get it over with. It will be just a memory. Take it and use that as your drive to do whats right. Show in your actions that isnt what your about. Everyone has those moments one way or another.
Dont be too hard yourself.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Don't give up...please stay in school.
Do you have someone close to you who you can talk to about this?
Hang in there...come and post at SR if you need to. It may be hard to believe, but people will soon forget what happened. Pick yourself back up and keep moving forward.
Do you have someone close to you who you can talk to about this?
Hang in there...come and post at SR if you need to. It may be hard to believe, but people will soon forget what happened. Pick yourself back up and keep moving forward.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Sarah, go back, trust me you are not the first, nor will you be the last student to do something like that.
What are you doing to stay sober? You may want to see how many AA meetings they have on campus and check them out, trust me you will pleasantly surprised to see that you are not the only person on campus with a drinking problem. ANother great thing about going to campus AA meetings is you will have an automatic bond with some other students working on thier recovery that you can do things with sober.
You know Sarah there is a solution for your drinking, you never have to do this again.
What are you doing to stay sober? You may want to see how many AA meetings they have on campus and check them out, trust me you will pleasantly surprised to see that you are not the only person on campus with a drinking problem. ANother great thing about going to campus AA meetings is you will have an automatic bond with some other students working on thier recovery that you can do things with sober.
You know Sarah there is a solution for your drinking, you never have to do this again.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
YOu can get thru this. Take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time. As was said, you're not the first to screw up and you won't be the last. Get yourself well first and foremost. We're here to support you!
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hey sarah, i hope you can find the support you need from your parents and from resources there on your campus. you sure don't have to do this thing alone.
be grateful today, grateful that you lived to tell about what happened. and that your friend cared enough to call your folks and that your folks love you so much that they came to help you.
there's always something to be grateful for..
hugs, k
be grateful today, grateful that you lived to tell about what happened. and that your friend cared enough to call your folks and that your folks love you so much that they came to help you.
there's always something to be grateful for..
hugs, k
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Norwich
Posts: 10
Thanks everyone! I love this site because it's hard to talk to people who have no experience of what I'm going through. I feel alot better today and have the weekend before I go back! So worried nd embarrassed! I NEVER want to do that again but I always say that! I got a conselling session booked with an alcohol and drug centre so hopefully I can stop drinking this dam stuff!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 286
sarahj,
I think age is relative. I started drinking at 15, blacking out at 16, and moving into other drugs at 18. I got in trouble at 27 and was ordered out patient rehab.
That said, two months ago, at my tender age of 37, I still felt that I may be too young to be an alcoholic. And that was the problem, I couldn't handle the label "alcoholic."
If I remove that label and just reflect on the way I drink and what it has brought me, then I'm okay in knowing that I have a problem with it.
People who are not "alcoholics" do not obsess about drinking, do not drink until they pass out, do not black out, do not crave it, etc, etc.
You may be progressing along the "alcoholic" path, only you can judge this, but IMO you are not too young.
One more thing, my dad started his path of destruction at 12 and finally died from it at 60.
Good Luck and keep writing!
I think age is relative. I started drinking at 15, blacking out at 16, and moving into other drugs at 18. I got in trouble at 27 and was ordered out patient rehab.
That said, two months ago, at my tender age of 37, I still felt that I may be too young to be an alcoholic. And that was the problem, I couldn't handle the label "alcoholic."
If I remove that label and just reflect on the way I drink and what it has brought me, then I'm okay in knowing that I have a problem with it.
People who are not "alcoholics" do not obsess about drinking, do not drink until they pass out, do not black out, do not crave it, etc, etc.
You may be progressing along the "alcoholic" path, only you can judge this, but IMO you are not too young.
One more thing, my dad started his path of destruction at 12 and finally died from it at 60.
Good Luck and keep writing!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 70
Good post Sarah, it is good to get that stuff out and share how you are feeling. There are many, many, many of us out here just like you who are more than willing to share our experiences. I went to a prestigious engineering college and I was in a metallurgical lab one morning after yet another night of partying when I passed out and fell head first off a high stool onto the concrete. Although I didn't black out or pass out when I drank the copious amounts of booze, I had a few episodes where I passed out while hung over the next day. I always made the excuse that it was a blood sugar thing, and I believed it myself. It never had anything to do with the fact that I had been drinking since I was 12.
I'm not here to tell you what to do, your choices are your own. If you want help with dealing with life so you don't have to drink over life's twists and turns, we are here for you. I was kicked out of that engineering school for failing grades due to drinking and I had to work and humble myself to get back in and earn my degree. I am so glad I went back and I think you will be too.
When I was ready to recover, I was ready to do whatever it took and my life has completely changed for the better.
Good luck.
I'm not here to tell you what to do, your choices are your own. If you want help with dealing with life so you don't have to drink over life's twists and turns, we are here for you. I was kicked out of that engineering school for failing grades due to drinking and I had to work and humble myself to get back in and earn my degree. I am so glad I went back and I think you will be too.
When I was ready to recover, I was ready to do whatever it took and my life has completely changed for the better.
Good luck.
Eternal optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: northeast
Posts: 293
Welcome Sarahj! I have embarrassed myself more times and in more places than I care to admit. Unfortunately what you have to do is get back on the horse and ride it. School is so important... Let this experience be the one that reminds you why you just cannot drink. Focus on positive things. I'm with Fubar and started drinking at 13, battled with it for many years (creating more of the mayhem you referred to) and here I am giving it what I resolve to be the last bout with booze, I win. I hope you do too, glad you're here :ghug3
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hey sarah, my daughter's drinking was already causing her big problems at 18. by the time she hit rehab at 22 - she had 2 dui's, some other alcohol related charges on her record, had flunked out of college, tons of debt, very few friends or relationships.
you're never too young (or old) to quit.
hugs, k
you're never too young (or old) to quit.
hugs, k
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 87
Hey Sarah,
i will tell you my little story and hope that you can see that your situation, although embarrassing, is not insurmountable.
I drank in college to the point that it drove me out of college at a major university. I continued to drink all through my career. I had a reputation but associated with others like me thinking that if we had dirt on each other then I would be safe. Worked for many years and I kept rising through the ranks of business.
In my last job I was running a global software company with a staff of 125 around the world. I had recently sold a million dollar engagement with a US military contractor and it came time to approach customers together. All of my dealings with that company to this point had been directly with their board of directors and top executives. My main sales guy was busy and the customer had a sales meeting set up with a major customer. I flew in the night before (drunk before I got on the plane and even moreso when I got off) and I looked for my driver to take me to my hotel. Well, the car service that my company used were out of towncars to they sent a stretch limo with a fully stocked bar. I hit it off with the driver and spent the next 1.5 hrs just getting absolutely TRASHED! Rather than go to the hotel I had him drop me off at my favorite bar where I knew the bartender with a heavy pour and some of the patrons.
Apparently, my secretary called me because the partners that I were to meet in the morning were in town and wanted to know if I was available for dinner. I instructed her to send them to where I was to have a drink with me. My customer showed up with a high level consultant that they hired to help them penetrate this account. I do not remember any of this but this is how it has been laid out to me. Apperantly, I got into an altercation with MY customer because I did not agree with their business strategy (that was set by the board of directors!) and he was getting upset with me. I went out to have a smoke and HIS consultant followed me out to try to talk some sense into me. I went on to tell him how stupid and ignorant this company was and that if they just listed to me all would be ok. Imagine his surprise! The CEO of a global software company that he is taking into meet one of his prime customers early the next morning drunk and belligerent!
Well, somehow I got back to my hotel and called for a wake up call for early the next morning. I was very good at showing up on time no matter what I did the night before. I woke up feeling like a mess, showered, shaved and hopped in a taxi to go meet the people that I had just left hours earlier. First thing MY customer asked me is how much I remembered about the night before and if I was okay to go to this meeting. Of course I said sure, I was fine, why? We were running a tad late so he said that we could talk about it later. I thought to myself, uh oh, what did I do?
Turns out, a full report of my actions and belligerence got back to the executives of MY customer. My customer did not contact me directly at first but MY boss! The sales guy that I pissed off contact my sales guy that was supposed to be there. That sales guy contacted many others within my company and spread the word that I had a problem. Several people had a conference call with MY boss and they all agreed that I had to get help or they would not work for me. My customer finally contacts me directly and tells me that I am no longer allowed on their premises.
Later my boss gave me the ultimatum. Did I get help? NO! I just became a closet drunk. Nevertheless, as you can see, i had to stare down a lot of people and I all but destroyed my career. Moral of the story, go back to school, stare this down, learn from it, and take my, an the others, stories as a foreshadowing of what may come if you cannot learn to take control of your actions NOW. Keep drinking and it only gets worse.
Hope this helps!
i will tell you my little story and hope that you can see that your situation, although embarrassing, is not insurmountable.
I drank in college to the point that it drove me out of college at a major university. I continued to drink all through my career. I had a reputation but associated with others like me thinking that if we had dirt on each other then I would be safe. Worked for many years and I kept rising through the ranks of business.
In my last job I was running a global software company with a staff of 125 around the world. I had recently sold a million dollar engagement with a US military contractor and it came time to approach customers together. All of my dealings with that company to this point had been directly with their board of directors and top executives. My main sales guy was busy and the customer had a sales meeting set up with a major customer. I flew in the night before (drunk before I got on the plane and even moreso when I got off) and I looked for my driver to take me to my hotel. Well, the car service that my company used were out of towncars to they sent a stretch limo with a fully stocked bar. I hit it off with the driver and spent the next 1.5 hrs just getting absolutely TRASHED! Rather than go to the hotel I had him drop me off at my favorite bar where I knew the bartender with a heavy pour and some of the patrons.
Apparently, my secretary called me because the partners that I were to meet in the morning were in town and wanted to know if I was available for dinner. I instructed her to send them to where I was to have a drink with me. My customer showed up with a high level consultant that they hired to help them penetrate this account. I do not remember any of this but this is how it has been laid out to me. Apperantly, I got into an altercation with MY customer because I did not agree with their business strategy (that was set by the board of directors!) and he was getting upset with me. I went out to have a smoke and HIS consultant followed me out to try to talk some sense into me. I went on to tell him how stupid and ignorant this company was and that if they just listed to me all would be ok. Imagine his surprise! The CEO of a global software company that he is taking into meet one of his prime customers early the next morning drunk and belligerent!
Well, somehow I got back to my hotel and called for a wake up call for early the next morning. I was very good at showing up on time no matter what I did the night before. I woke up feeling like a mess, showered, shaved and hopped in a taxi to go meet the people that I had just left hours earlier. First thing MY customer asked me is how much I remembered about the night before and if I was okay to go to this meeting. Of course I said sure, I was fine, why? We were running a tad late so he said that we could talk about it later. I thought to myself, uh oh, what did I do?
Turns out, a full report of my actions and belligerence got back to the executives of MY customer. My customer did not contact me directly at first but MY boss! The sales guy that I pissed off contact my sales guy that was supposed to be there. That sales guy contacted many others within my company and spread the word that I had a problem. Several people had a conference call with MY boss and they all agreed that I had to get help or they would not work for me. My customer finally contacts me directly and tells me that I am no longer allowed on their premises.
Later my boss gave me the ultimatum. Did I get help? NO! I just became a closet drunk. Nevertheless, as you can see, i had to stare down a lot of people and I all but destroyed my career. Moral of the story, go back to school, stare this down, learn from it, and take my, an the others, stories as a foreshadowing of what may come if you cannot learn to take control of your actions NOW. Keep drinking and it only gets worse.
Hope this helps!
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I had to face the music too. At work. With coworkers that thought I was a superstar. Face the fact that I might lose this amazing job.
In the end, it was the most liberating and important thing I've done in a very long time.
In the end, it was the most liberating and important thing I've done in a very long time.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Nice story Fug. I was in outside sales too and drinking and entertaining seems to be such a big part of it that it is hard to get away from. It is a real fine line. Drink too much with a customer and you are done BUT if you don't drink enough with them it is all over too. Glad I don't have to deal with that while I try to quit.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 196
Originally Posted by sarahj5678 
By the way.... what age did you guys start to have a propblem with alcohol? I'm 23 and I'd say it started when I was 18. Is that really young?!
Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by Fubarcdn
Nice story Fug. I was in outside sales too and drinking and entertaining seems to be such a big part of it that it is hard to get away from. It is a real fine line. Drink too much with a customer and you are done BUT if you don't drink enough with them it is all over too. Glad I don't have to deal with that while I try to quit.
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