notagain77

Hello all. Been viewing for some time and finally decided to register.This journey of recovery is such a wild ride... One second i love meetings and being clean and the next second i despise it. Normal i presume but never the less extremely difficult. I first got clean when i was 17 and stayed clean for 3 years. I relapsed recently and it definetly got no better out there. Funny how quick i forget the pain. Sometimes i acknowledge the pain and misery and am still willing to embrace it for those few seconds of relief. I often feel the best solution is a high dose of narcotics. Confusing deciphering the difference between what thoughts are my addiction and what are my own. I've been hating recovery since i came back, some say i'm not done then and i even believe it sometimes. There is a large amount of fear in that. I did not suffer many consequences this last run and that makes the struggle so much more difficult. "We have never seen a gratefull addict use" One reason i'm here is to work on that. Anyway i keep coming back. Not everyday as suggested which i need to correct ASAP. Were only granted a 24hr reprieve and despite that my day was hell on earth- I'm just gratefull i experienced it clean and sober.

Rella927

Welcome NotAgain to SR! Glad that you found us! Happy for you that you have decided to make the choice of recovery! It is a "wild ride" but, so worth it in the end!

I do hope that you have consulted a doctor which could help with your recovery. Glad that you love the meetings they are a great guidance for those who make that choice to go!

Please feel free to check out the other forums here at SR as there is a lot of support here! Also check out the stickies at the top of the forums as they are filled with a wealth of information!

Glad that you are here with us

Keep posting!

BackToSquareOne

Whether your using alcohol or narcotics the end result is the same. Your getting a brief period of bliss until the alcohol or drug wears off and you end up feeling even worse than before you started. The trade off is just not worth it if you think it through to the end. The anxiety, depression, insomnia etc. etc. that is sure to follow when withdrawal sets in is just too high a price to pay if you wish to retain your sanity.

Aysha

For me it was hard to break the familiar.
EVen tho using was destroying me. It was where I was comfortable.
It was what I knew.
So with all that. All those bad consequences and misery became normal.
I had to get to a point where the pain was so much greater than the pleasure.
And I still wasnt done yet. I wanted to be. But not enough to make me stick with recovery for any amount of time.
It is always easier to go back to what we know.
Getting and STAYING clean is hard.
But it is possible. It is worh it.
And it will become what you crave after awhile. If you really want it.
Nobody needs to hit bottom to get it.
You know whats out there. You know what it does. You know where it will take you eventually.
No need to test that fact.
Hope you find it in yourself to get clean and STAY clean.
Hopefully consequences isnt what it takes to get you to do it.
Glad you are here. Keep posting.

mxchaos

Being sober isn't always good but it's so much better than getting wasted and feeling good for a few seconds. Go see a doc about the up and down feelings. Also get involved in something new and fun. Change is always a challenge.

good luck

least

I'm having a few problems dealing with my life sober - I no longer have the 'blanket of oblivion' to hide under and must deal with life as it really is. But I'm getting better, and you can too. Welcome to a great place for support. Keep coming back!:ghug3

tellus

This kind of thing makes me angry, frankly. No one has the right to tell you you're not done going out yet. Telling you that is just undermining your recovery. The only person who can decide whether you're done or not is you.

You got clean at 17, dude. That's amazing. You're what, 20 or 21 now? Being clean/sober is hard at our age, and it is a pain sometimes. I think under-25s need interpersonal support more than anyone*. SR is a great place for that. Sounds like you're on the right track!

* I have to admit, I feel like a bit of a hypocrite here. SR is my only sober support, but for me it's proven enough. Knock wood.

CosmeticAndrea

I agree, who are they to stop you going out

tellus

Andrea, that wasn't quite what I meant. From what I understood, notagain77 is being told that because s/he isn't happy in recovery, s/he is doomed to go back out and use again. No one has the right to say that, except the person in question. How can you be happy in recovery when everyone is telling you you're doomed to fail?

notagain77

Thanks for replying guys. You know what honestly it would make you sick to hear how many times im told i won't make it because of my age. This seems to be common place in the rooms not just in my area but even when i've been to other states! Thats ok though maybe there in shock or jealous whatever. In the past i learned to turn it into motivation and actually gained self esteem from it. It made me realize that like the disease itself-recovery doesn't discriminate either. It's for people who want it and available to us all and i'm leaning toward the greatest show on earth route. I can't suffer any longer... oh well thanks again guys and i wish you all the best.

tellus

Notagain, it's great that you're able to twist others' negative attitudes into motivation for yourself. Sounds like you've been able to work a decent program in spite of what others tell you. My approach hasn't been nearly as mature, I just left the program. I was sick of being told I was going to drink again because my bottom hadn't been low enough, or because I was young, or because I didn't believe in my sponsor's God.

Stick around the forums, eh? Once you get a few more posts you'll be able to send private messages... It's a good way to connect with other members one-on-one.

fifleman

Don't worry man, the best is yet to come.

Something I just told myself and am going to remember is no matter what, and I want you to think about it also:

I used to drink/drug because I wanted to do more than anyone else, as in "be cool". That was one of my reasons. Well, that turned into an addiction of anywhere from 4-7ish years, since 7th grade. I'm now 21, and the NUMBER ONE thing I KEEP telling myself is, NOBODY, absolutely NOBODY worth loving in my life will EVER experience what I've experienced. I should be dead. I should have brain damage and a failing heart and liver. I don't. Not yet, because I'm young and I've recognized the fact that I've done a lot of living on the wrong side of life, much more so than anyone I know. And, hell, I'm still here. That's perfect for you to help people now, to relate to them, to know what they're going through. You don't have to put yourself through it anymore man. That's the great thing, we've lived hard and now need to be nice to ourselves. Remember that bro.

If you need advice or anything, hit me up.

Good luck

notagain77

Thanks again guys..now if i cauld only work on the whole substitution thing. Man is money mind and mood altering!!

CarolD

I've seen young AA members come in and stay.
I've seen young AA members go back and die.
I've seen young AA members come in and disappear
don't know how they are living their lives.

This happens on SR too.
It's true of everyone...regardless of age.

I've never been able to figure out who will win over alcohol.

...Glad you decided to post with us...Welcome!

IO Storm

Hey, ntg77!

Don't let anyone tell you you are too young, you haven't suffered enough, or

you are not done yet! Tell em' to stick it in their ear.

I had a sponsor who told me I would relapse..and I did!

I know people who sobered up and got clean in in their late teens and early twenties.

They stayed that way too!

They are still around..and still experiencing a 24 hr. reprieve, just like you, and

just like me.

(a long term chronic relapser..until two years, seven months ago..I got my miracle)

My best to you..

Good luck!

Rusty Zipper

now i'm livid!

hey, ntg... us old geezers, that have made a career of using, lying, stealing, and hurting...

are spozed to raise the bottoms to those young and or new...

to maybe spare them of the misery and the suffering...

not discourage them!

let me at um!

good wishes to you ntg

rz

CosmeticAndrea

Sorry I did get the wrong end of the stick
Some times when people put a downer on your progress it does give you the deteranation to prove them wrong, and I hope it does for you notagain77.
Regards
Andrea

Bamboozle

For people to tell anyone that they're not done yet is tantamount to a death sentence for some.

Even that last statement bothers me...I see it is as implying that one has some moral flaw as to why someone still uses...

I don't see it as a moral flaw. I think that addiction is a mainly a mental affliction that shows physical symptoms as well.

I can’t say I’m a grateful person…sometimes I feel that way, but I’m mostly fooling myself if I say that I am. I just need to stay sober long enough to see if I feel any better...and if I don't, I'll be sure to get professional help because I want to beat this thing.

CosmeticAndrea

I've noticed that now when I get a bit stressed or argue with my boyfriend i dont reach for a fag or quick drink anymore but find charging rd the house doing the house work works really well for me.

Taking5

For those (mainly in the USA) that do not know, "fag" is British for "cigarette". It is not an insult to gay people.

Back to the point, I agree with Andrea, just keep busy! There is always something to do that does not involve drinking or drugs.