New, and hopefully lasting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NE
Posts: 11
New, and hopefully lasting
Hey everyone-
I'm hoping to find a sober recovery in myself, for once and for all. I've been struggling with drinking/drugging for 3-4 years now, heavy, and am only 21. I've harboring and needing to accept the fact that I'm an alcoholic and drug addict, that I grossly overuse and abuse substances.
I tried an IOP and was kicked out due to drinking.... I keep going back to the fact that I'm only 21 and it's what all my other friends are doing. Well, I don't think my other friends are abusing to the tune of 45 grams of cocaine in a month, a pint and a quarter (if not more) of Crown Royal usually every or every other night, and whatever else I can abuse. I was hospitalized after drinking myself to a 2.8 and taking 15 libriums, which are anti-anxiety medication. No suicide attempt, just a fun time, or so I thought.
With all of that said, they make for pathetic, nobody-wants-to-hear-them stories. With all of that said, I now fight with the fact that I do not know myself, feel so God damned guilty and ashamed of my actions (what I've done drunk makes me sick), struggle to find the line between sanity and insanity (all the time drunk or high), and struggle to find happiness sober.
I am serious for this go around. I cannot, do not, want to do this to myself or my family anymore. I have not been productive since my life after high school and have burned thousands of my money and relatives money on drugs and alcohol. Drugs are easy to kick because of their instensive and life-threatening nature --- alcohol has always stuck with me, even with ITS life-threatening nature. I want a family, a life, my school back, my music back, and feelings of self-esteem back.
I've already had those moments where I've cried for help only for attention to my problem/addiction. Now comes my self-treatment. I have an invitation (by parents) to a 30 day rehab facility, and I'm dumb not to take it, but I feel as if I'm empowered and strong enough to do it myself. That was a joke, because I know I'm not....ha. And that's why I'm here.
I hope to support and share my struggle with others who it may help and hope to start my 2009 year in a bright light. No drinking. No drugs. Happiness in life where I left it so many years ago. So far, sober since Sunday night
Thanks everyone, good to be here.
I'm hoping to find a sober recovery in myself, for once and for all. I've been struggling with drinking/drugging for 3-4 years now, heavy, and am only 21. I've harboring and needing to accept the fact that I'm an alcoholic and drug addict, that I grossly overuse and abuse substances.
I tried an IOP and was kicked out due to drinking.... I keep going back to the fact that I'm only 21 and it's what all my other friends are doing. Well, I don't think my other friends are abusing to the tune of 45 grams of cocaine in a month, a pint and a quarter (if not more) of Crown Royal usually every or every other night, and whatever else I can abuse. I was hospitalized after drinking myself to a 2.8 and taking 15 libriums, which are anti-anxiety medication. No suicide attempt, just a fun time, or so I thought.
With all of that said, they make for pathetic, nobody-wants-to-hear-them stories. With all of that said, I now fight with the fact that I do not know myself, feel so God damned guilty and ashamed of my actions (what I've done drunk makes me sick), struggle to find the line between sanity and insanity (all the time drunk or high), and struggle to find happiness sober.
I am serious for this go around. I cannot, do not, want to do this to myself or my family anymore. I have not been productive since my life after high school and have burned thousands of my money and relatives money on drugs and alcohol. Drugs are easy to kick because of their instensive and life-threatening nature --- alcohol has always stuck with me, even with ITS life-threatening nature. I want a family, a life, my school back, my music back, and feelings of self-esteem back.
I've already had those moments where I've cried for help only for attention to my problem/addiction. Now comes my self-treatment. I have an invitation (by parents) to a 30 day rehab facility, and I'm dumb not to take it, but I feel as if I'm empowered and strong enough to do it myself. That was a joke, because I know I'm not....ha. And that's why I'm here.
I hope to support and share my struggle with others who it may help and hope to start my 2009 year in a bright light. No drinking. No drugs. Happiness in life where I left it so many years ago. So far, sober since Sunday night
Thanks everyone, good to be here.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
It is good that you are starting at 21. It took me a lot longer to realize that I had an uncontrollable problem and I too just started this week. You may falter but don't fail. The support on this forum is great. If you feel you are slipping come and read and post. Alcohol is probably the trigger for you to start into the others. I know it can be for me. Quitting is the only solution. Having 1 or 2 beers never worked for me. Good luck. If you give it your all and are honest with yourself you will prevail.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NE
Posts: 11
Thanks brother. Quitting really is the only way. I can't believe I'm 21 and can't go through one SINGLE hour of not thinking about drinking or what can I be doing tonight because I can't get drunk or high. Pathetic. Life is so much more beautiful than that
Good luck to you too, man. I know for myself I haven't and don't remember sobriety that well, but I know it's worth it when you get a little ways in.
Good luck to you too, man. I know for myself I haven't and don't remember sobriety that well, but I know it's worth it when you get a little ways in.
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