hippychicky

Hi all, remember me from the end of December? I was doing well for a week, then blew it on New Years Eve, and going downhill since. I know what I have to do, what I NEED to do...but can't get the inertia/motivation to do it.
One of my biggest problems is my boyfriend is a musician and I go to his gigs nearly every weekend. I usually hang out with the club patrons, so they cannot help me stay strong as I don't know them on a personal level.
If I stay home, I'm bored and sit and drink. I don't drive at night, so can't go anywhere. All my friends drink, and if I hang with one of them...well, you know. They are NOT alcoholics like I am, so I can't ask them to refrain when I'm around.
ANY IDEAS? Thanks so much!

TryingSoHard

Hi Hippychicky,

YES, you most certainly CAN do this! But the key is, you have to WANT to. I sort of got the impression from your post that you wish/hope that other people could help you, or just do it for you. You said the club patrons can't help you stay strong; then you said you can't ask your friends to refrain from drinking when you're around. Well, you know what? You're right. You can't rely on THEM to fix YOU. That has to come from within. You just plain have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

It's hard, I know. I'm not going to pretend that it's easy. But that's what it boils down to! Just don't take that first drink. Ever. Period.

You might have to break your usual routine for a while. If going to gigs at bars/clubs is just too tempting, stop going for a while. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand! Get comfortable with yourself in sobriety before constantly testing your willpower.

Good luck. You CAN do this!!!

four812

AND .... If you can't stay home, try out an AA meeting

kakell

I wish for you to have strength, Hippychicky. My hubby was a musician when we first met and played gigs @ nightclubs for the first 3 years of our marriage. I quit going with him because it always ended up in an alcoholic drug fest. Musicians are exposed to so much crap and I was right there to cash in. I know you can do this... You have got to find an alternative for yourself on the nights he is playing music, whether it's visiting with someone who doesn't use or going shopping... Best of luck !!

SoberforME

I am a performer and have to be in bars as well, I also have friends that drink and in fact may partner drinks but in moderation (how DO they do that?!). That being said what helps me is:

a) My Recovery is MINE. I'm doing it for me because I want to live my life in a way that I can be proud of.

B) I go to a meeting or to SR before I go out to remind me that drinking , for me, is not an option.

C) I told all of my close friends who all have seen me go downhill in my drinking the last few years and they support me in becoming all I can. Support is huge for me. They still can drink around me. I remind myself that I am an alcoholic and so therefore cannot drink.

I don't know if that helps. However my sponsor said before she took me on that I needed to be SURE I was ready, because if you keep false starting you just say "what's the use?" at some point. That helped me soul search and gain commitment.

Good luck to you!!

least

I was a chronic relapser for months until I (finally) wanted to stay sober more than I wanted to drink. You may want to give AA a good try too. Lots of support in those rooms.:ghug3

hippychicky

Good idea. I need to plan ahead for something to do with someone who is on my side.

Fubarcdn

I think a lot of us if mot most of us are in the same boat. I know for myself that most of my life revolved around drinking, partying, and drugs. I am just starting out so my opinion isn't worth a lot but last night I told my sons and we played board games. I don't know if they were thrilled with it but it was great for me. (they are 24 and 21). I used to play games with them when they were young and didn't like it a lot because I would have rather been out drinking so maybe they owe me one. I wish I could get those years back but I caqm't. I can only go forward 1 day at a time. Maybe you need a new hobby that is social without drinking, cards, book club or whatever. Good luck.

Aysha

You can do anything if you want it bad enough.
You have to want to stop for yourself.
Like already said. Maybe a change of scenery and people may help.
There is alot of support out there. But you have to be willing to find it and participate.
You cant control others actions. But you most certainly can control yours.
Good Luck.

hippychicky

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I have 2 teens and I'm sure we'd have some fun with boardgames! My daughter mentioned to me just last night about a new boardgame she'd like to get. That and a new hobby sound great. Thanks!