Anger at one's self is a biggie, especially in early Recovery. I had so much anger at myself that I didn't think anyone else could forgive me, so how could I forgive myself?

Addiction is a vicious cycle of self loating, hate and misery. No one can break that cycle for us, we have to do it. I visualize my disease as a big, ugly, powerful beast that wants to keep me in it's grip. And early in my Recovery, when a little sun would shine on my world, that beast would rear it's ugly head, grabbing back at me. It wanted me back soooo bad that it had to remind me of how it made me lie, cheat, steal, con, manipulate . . . . all of those negative things I did to feed my addiction. Getting high was no longer fun anymore. It wasn't for recreation anymore, it was in order to survive.

But there came a time when survival meant saying goodbye to the chemicals that had once gave me, what I thought, was courage, strength, self confidence, control, and power. But this demon called addiction IS truly cunning, baffling and powerful. It will do anything it can to pull each and every one of us back.

The only way to take away the strength from this disease is quite simple. Don't use. Don't worry about tomorrow or next week. Just don't use today. Each day that you don't feed your addiction you take a bit more of it's strength away from it.

Just remember, it took us many years to get to the point of having all of this anger and other negative feelings that we have towards ourselves. We can't expect to feel happy, stronger and courageous overnight. It takes time. We can never go back to who we were before we became addicts/alcoholics. But you can be stronger and more confident. After all, once you work through the issues that lead to you to picking up in the first place, I guarantee you that you will feel



Cyber Hugs & Genuine Prayers,
Judy