StrongBird

Can you say overwhelmed?

- Yesterday was 30 days.
- Yesterday, I "came out" to some friends on another message board I've been on for years and years. It went well, everyone was super supportive, but there was unrelated drama that sort of got intermingled and it was just weird.
- Today, I picked up my one month coin at my AA meeting.
- After that, I called my mom and "came out" to her. She was also super supportive, proud, etc.

But I still feel like I'm going to barf. (However, I don't actually feel like drinking right now which I guess is a good thing! LOL!)

I feel so vulnerable right now. Like before, even though I was going to meetings and I'd picked a sponsor, I was just "testing the waters." But now, holy sheet on a shingle, it's real. I can't just drop off the face of the AA and SR earth tomorrow and drink like this whole attempt at forever-sobriety didn't happen. Real life people know now. I'm terrified. I have a real, tangible AA coin in my house. I am as weirded out by that as I would be if I walked into the kitchen and found the Queen of England in my refrigerator. This is REAL.

OMG, what have I done? [cue the lamaze-style-breathing]

panduh

can relate. it was tought sheet when i had to tell my dad. even though he was already clued in when he found me minutes from death in my room with two orange bottles laying next to me..
sobriety is real and its rough. but live it day by day.
take the steps seriously and it sounds like you are by opening up

all i got to say is that you cant ignore the elephant in the room forever. sounds like youve been inching over to it to say "hi". but when u actually see the elephant and admit that its there- now that's recovery.
keep strong.
livestrong (btw lance is my idol; haha)

Lenina

Congrats on the 30 days! Does it feel like you've crossed the Rubicon? Are you thinking too far ahead? Just focus on the accomplishment you've made!

And, breath.

Love,

Lenina

Creekryder

Congrats on the thirty days, Strongbird. Remember, you are doing all of this so you can truly live.Hold your head up high and be very proud of what you are doing. You are saving a life, yours. For a month now you have made a wonderful advance. Keep the path.

Padraic

Dee74

Keep breathing SB - it's real, but it's the start of something good

D

Tommyh

congrads on your 30 day chip!
what you have done is get honest with yourself and others.A great thing!
Creekryder put it well,hold your head up and keep on the path you are on.This too shall pass.

grrrr

I can relate. Telling folks meant I really couldn't turn back. That is a great step.
It will only get easier with time. I haven't been sober for that long, but the changes have come quick and are positive progress.
You don't drink anymore, and that is healthy for you.

Rusty Zipper

congratulations SB...

SB you have opened the doors to a way better life...

good wishes SB

YaySartre

It's a lot to take in, isn't it? It does get pretty overwhelming, knowing that it's dead real, and dead serious. For me, it gets complicated when I "come out" and admit how bad it really got; apparently, even though I wasn't as good as hiding it as I thought I was to some, I snowed other people fairly well, if not terribly well, and they're shocked when they hear about some of the adventures I had while under the influence, especially the ones that I had to find out about from other people after the fact.

You're more in control than you were when you were drinking. Yes, this is your life now. You've got the reins, you've got the chip, and I'm sure you're going to attain a whole lot more of them, and they may seem as unreal as this one does. Keep racking up those sober days, keep working on walking a better path, and know that when you can't breathe, when you're nauseated, we are here for you, and you are here for yourself, too. I am so proud of you, and so is the rest of your SR family. (Yay, class of December!)

prettypoison

Oh I love the line about being weirded out as if "I walked in and found the Queen of England in my refridgerator" that's awesome. I understand it too. I find the 'coming out' about my addiction a frightening proposition. I will then have accountability...which I have avoided like the plague. But I'm here (day 4 for me) and I plan on continuing to reach out for support, hope you do too. It's the only thing I can do different this time to make sobriety happen for real



:ghug3

Glad you're here.

Jomey

NO FAIR! Rusty and D took what I was gonna say!

Well done, Strongbird!

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Um I don't know if you are anything like me but when I entered into recovery I entered with a history of never ever following through with what I planned to do. I would TELL you what I was going to do, and then just not do it.

Whether this be school (dropped out of 2 colleges)relationships (twice divorced) or whether you were my kid and I promised to take you somewhere on Saturday but was too hung over to get out of bed.

For me, finally actually committing to something and announcing it was huge, and scary and unbelievable.

Someone posted about accountability. That's it exactly. I learned it slowly..first by actually calling my sponsor when I said that I would. By committing to make the coffee at a meeting and actually fulfilling it.

Telling your friends and family what's what is the start. It will get easier and start to become second nature in a while. And you know what? It feels darn good!

Big hugs,

Karen

lovinmenow

If you feel sick or anxious after a month you should go to the Doctor. He may be able to prescribe something to make you feel better in the meantime. Good luck and I hope you feel better.

CarolD

You are on your way to a fantastic adventure Congratulations!

TryingSoHard

I SO know what you mean! I have had that exact same feeling myself (but you phrased it so much better than I could have!!).

My husband was the first person I told, back in September. Everything changed in my alcoholic mind after that, for the reasons you just said. It was suddenly VERY REAL. Someone else KNEW. And he'd probably be able to pick up on clues that he missed in the past now, too. DAMMIT! What had I DONE??

Then I told my best friend. Yeah, that one turned out to be no big deal. I don't think she gets it. She still texts me to tell me she's getting drunk, and stuff like that.

More recently, about a month ago, I told another friend. She's a pretty hefty drinker (and we have had some pretty interesting times together involving alcohol) and I don't want it to be weird the next time we hang out together because I'm all freaked out about not drinking in front of her but yet she wouldn't know why I was freaked out. I figured it would just be easier to be honest with her. So I was. She's been great about it, which is a huge relief, but man... that's ANOTHER out now gone!

Am I sure I want to keep telling people?!

Yeah, I am. It's darn scary, and it causes a flood of emotions, but it IS real so it needs to FEEL real. It's the next healthy step of recovery, I think.

We're gonna be ok. We really are. We just don't realize it yet.

p.s. CONGRATULATIONS on 30 days!!!

colagirl

This is a great post, SB. I haven't "come out" to anyone in real life yet, and I know that's the major reason why: I'll be held accountable for my behavior. I know how much courage that must have taken and I'm really proud of you!

tanyapmc

It sounds to me that you have jumped into recovery with both feet! I say congratulations. That is what I had to do. Way to go on your 30 days.

Mark75

Come out to those who are important to you, those who are in your everyday life and that care for you. That is how I have come out. I have been amazed at the support and good will that comes forth. I am grateful for that. It takes a lot of the anxiety away, at least for me.

Congrats on 30 days...

Mark

heidicldwll

congratulations on your 30 days. It will get better and i know this because i was exactly where you are. I have a little over 3 months and i feel so much better. My family is also very supportive and i am glad that i did invlove them because you can't do this alone you need all the support you can get. Hang in there and take it one day at a time.

Heidi