lost sue

My husband has now been sober for 12 days. I have been trying not to keep track. I enjoyed the first few days. Now all he does is tell me how much he wants us to stay together and be happy. Does he really think that 12 days out of 21 years means all is well and I am happy? I am going nuts!!!! I look forward to alanon and counseling just to have time for me to settle my nerves. I need time to heal and find myself and it can't happen with him whining at me 24/7. I know he is trying but I need space and some time to get myself together.

LaTeeDa

Have you told him this? Maybe he doesn't realize that you are recovering, too. At the risk of sounding trite--Honest is always the best policy.

L

lost sue

I have told him that I need time and it may mean me going to stay with my parents for a while. Of course he said we spent too much time apart while he was drinking and he doesn't want me to go. I don't want to have to be nasty about it, I just don't think he understands that I have a lot of recovery myself.

LaTeeDa

You don't have to be nasty about it. You state your truth and he reacts in whatever way he chooses. You can be understanding of his not wanting you to go, and at the same time be true to yourself. His wants are his responsibility, yours are yours. There isn't one that is more important than the other. No one has to "win." If you want one thing and he wants another, then there will either be compromise, or not.

Have you heard the saying? Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean. If you can do that, you will have done all you can do. Then the ball is in his court.

L

Daisy30

Is he in recovery? If so he will understand you needing some space to get your head together.


I think of it like this:

Sometimes when you are in the middle of something it is hard to understand what it looks like from the outside

be gentle with yourself

lost sue

He has been doing AA online and does not want to go to a meeting. Now he is afraid he is going to come home to an empty house since he had read the many stories on the forum that he is going to. Of course I have been making my plans and thought that would be the way I would do it too. He is trying so hard and wants things to be right again but the way I feel now is so different than I felt so many years ago. I am doing all I can for myself and trying now to deal with all of his insecurity. He told me last night he was not going to count on me to answer his questions and try to help him solve his problems but until he will get help for himself, I am in the middle. I hope this crazy stuff ends soon!

LaTeeDa

I hate to be the pessimist, but from what you've shared it doesn't really sound like he's "trying so hard" to get sober. More like "trying so hard" to keep you around. Just my opinion.

L