Just want to share
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Just want to share
Today I helped a lady that I work with move. She was evicted from her motel because she hasnt paid her rent in awhile.
I usually stop and pick her up on the days we work together.
She moved to another town. Too far for me to go. But she also moved into another motel that my dad's boss owns.
So when we got there. My dad was there. I seen him staring out the window with a look like "What the hell is she doing here?"
My dad once again hasnt spoken to me since Oct because I relapsed and spent all my money when I was suppose to pay him on my van that week. I did pay him the next week and have paid him every month since.
But he holds these friggin grudges that are so ridiculous. And Well..You guys have heard this story before.
I was really nervous. My dad intimidates me like noone veer has. And I dont know why.
I hardly know him really. He has chosen to not be that big a part of my life ever since I can remember.
But I went in with the the lady and said hi to my dad and told him she needed a weekly room. And he even introduced me as his daughter to the owners daughter. Who I know. I use to play with her kids when we were little.
Anyway. He talked to me and asked how the van was running. And it was nice.
I cant even explain the feeling I had. I felt like a little kid.
My dad has had some health problems recently. And I dont want to waste time in a one sided relationship with him. I could easily say screw him and not pay him anymore. Or hold my own resentments for alot over the years. But I dont. He is my dad. I have never wanted anything more than for him to recognize me and treat me like I exist.
I will never act out in resentment. No matter how much he turns his back on me.
All I can keep doing is the right thing. And keep hope that soemday he can stop acting like I am not alive. And maybe I can have some sort of a decent relationship with him. It makes it hard when I do not like his wife at all. I actually really hate the woman for many reasons. And that is the number one factor in why we do not interact.
It hurts that he would alienate me comepletely because of her. But its been that way ever since I can remember.
I just had such joy today. By the littlest thing of him just acknowledging me. Its pretty sad. But It really made my day. I cant even put into words.
Hopefully. This will be another small step toward regaining my fathers love.
But then I dont want to get my hopes up. I have been let down too many times to count since I was a kid. If he wasnt drunk and locked up. He was too busy with his new family to care.
I will just comtinue doing my part. And the rest will hopefully fall in place.
I usually stop and pick her up on the days we work together.
She moved to another town. Too far for me to go. But she also moved into another motel that my dad's boss owns.
So when we got there. My dad was there. I seen him staring out the window with a look like "What the hell is she doing here?"
My dad once again hasnt spoken to me since Oct because I relapsed and spent all my money when I was suppose to pay him on my van that week. I did pay him the next week and have paid him every month since.
But he holds these friggin grudges that are so ridiculous. And Well..You guys have heard this story before.
I was really nervous. My dad intimidates me like noone veer has. And I dont know why.
I hardly know him really. He has chosen to not be that big a part of my life ever since I can remember.
But I went in with the the lady and said hi to my dad and told him she needed a weekly room. And he even introduced me as his daughter to the owners daughter. Who I know. I use to play with her kids when we were little.
Anyway. He talked to me and asked how the van was running. And it was nice.
I cant even explain the feeling I had. I felt like a little kid.
My dad has had some health problems recently. And I dont want to waste time in a one sided relationship with him. I could easily say screw him and not pay him anymore. Or hold my own resentments for alot over the years. But I dont. He is my dad. I have never wanted anything more than for him to recognize me and treat me like I exist.
I will never act out in resentment. No matter how much he turns his back on me.
All I can keep doing is the right thing. And keep hope that soemday he can stop acting like I am not alive. And maybe I can have some sort of a decent relationship with him. It makes it hard when I do not like his wife at all. I actually really hate the woman for many reasons. And that is the number one factor in why we do not interact.
It hurts that he would alienate me comepletely because of her. But its been that way ever since I can remember.
I just had such joy today. By the littlest thing of him just acknowledging me. Its pretty sad. But It really made my day. I cant even put into words.
Hopefully. This will be another small step toward regaining my fathers love.
But then I dont want to get my hopes up. I have been let down too many times to count since I was a kid. If he wasnt drunk and locked up. He was too busy with his new family to care.
I will just comtinue doing my part. And the rest will hopefully fall in place.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,518
Chiy, that is wonderful. Those old hurts die very hard - I know my mom's treatment of me haunts me all the time. I'm so grateful any time she bends or softens a little. Just a little glimmer of hope can make us feel so good.
I'm just a little unwell
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
I will never act out in resentment. No matter how much he turns his back on me.
All I can keep doing is the right thing.
All I can keep doing is the right thing.
I'm glad that, at least for today, your dad made you happy. Keep doing the right thing, like you said, and you will be just fine.
:ghug3
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
You know....parents just do not realize what they do to their kids...until it is sometimes too late.
Take it slow. Take it easy. Take it on your terms. And just maybe things will fall into place for you and your dad. I truly hope they do.
Take it slow. Take it easy. Take it on your terms. And just maybe things will fall into place for you and your dad. I truly hope they do.
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Chiy,
It absolutely breaks my heart when I hear stories such as yours. I cannot fathom a father turning away from his daughter, even for a moment. I have three beautiful daughter, one which is married and has her own family. But I have had a life without parents. My mother and father separated when I was a year old. I did not see my mother again until I was 41, and my father came around on birthdays and Christmas. As a result, I believe it made me have a greater commitment to be the opposite of what I grew up with. Now, it just seems to be a strange paradigm not being a part of their lives.
Hopefully you will remain strong and the change will reside with you as well.
Peace—
Padraic
It absolutely breaks my heart when I hear stories such as yours. I cannot fathom a father turning away from his daughter, even for a moment. I have three beautiful daughter, one which is married and has her own family. But I have had a life without parents. My mother and father separated when I was a year old. I did not see my mother again until I was 41, and my father came around on birthdays and Christmas. As a result, I believe it made me have a greater commitment to be the opposite of what I grew up with. Now, it just seems to be a strange paradigm not being a part of their lives.
Hopefully you will remain strong and the change will reside with you as well.
Peace—
Padraic
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Trish)))
I think you are doing great. When something makes you feel good, like talking to him did, ENJOY IT!! Don't analyze it, worry about "is it going to last?", etc. Just appreciate it, for what it is. I think you did that, and I'm glad you did, and am proud of you!
Whether or not you and your dad ever have the relationship you'd like to have, I'm sure there are other times when you've felt like you did yesterday. No one can take those times away, and who knows..you may have a lot more of them to come?! The thing is, you saw him today, you two got along, YOU feel better and don't want any resentments. All this is because of how much you've changed (in a good way), although the good parts of the old you are still there...your honesty, sense of humor and loyalty, to name a few.
I'm really glad you had a good day.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I think you are doing great. When something makes you feel good, like talking to him did, ENJOY IT!! Don't analyze it, worry about "is it going to last?", etc. Just appreciate it, for what it is. I think you did that, and I'm glad you did, and am proud of you!
Whether or not you and your dad ever have the relationship you'd like to have, I'm sure there are other times when you've felt like you did yesterday. No one can take those times away, and who knows..you may have a lot more of them to come?! The thing is, you saw him today, you two got along, YOU feel better and don't want any resentments. All this is because of how much you've changed (in a good way), although the good parts of the old you are still there...your honesty, sense of humor and loyalty, to name a few.
I'm really glad you had a good day.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Wonderfully said. :ghug3
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
It just keeps getting better.
Goodness...I can hardly contain myself right now.
I feel euphoric.
I just got this email from my dad.
You see that???!! LOVE DAD!!!
Karma...Keep my heart and mind in the right place. And all will be good.
I feel like a little kid. I swear. I am just beaming!!
Goodness...I can hardly contain myself right now.
I feel euphoric.
I just got this email from my dad.
hey trish don,t worry.i,ll be around there monday just let me know when you are going to be there. my cell phone is broke so new one is xxxxxx love dad
Karma...Keep my heart and mind in the right place. And all will be good.
I feel like a little kid. I swear. I am just beaming!!
I'm happy that you're happy.
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