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Day 1 (again) - 27 year old female who keeps trying

Old 01-12-2009, 06:30 AM
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Day 1 (again) - 27 year old female who keeps trying

Okay, so I don't think that my husband thinks that there is a problem, but I do. I came to realize a long time ago that I have an addictive personality. I bounced from one thing to the other. Oddly enough, alcohol was not my gateway drug. I started with the bigger stuff and have since worked my way down. I have been drinking straight, give or take a few days off here and there, for the last three years - when I quit my chosen drug of choice.

I'm not a beligerant drunk. And oddly enough, I don't really like to drink when I go out. I sit on the couch and drink, and drink, and drink. I don't get stupid, I just can't stop is the problem. My husband is a moderate drinker. A beer here and there. I rarely am hungover.

Last week, I went for a week without drinking, and I woke up drenched. I mean literally soaked and smelling like I had been running for hours on end. I didn't know what it was until I had a drink on Friday and Saturday and I was fine. Then I looked up sweating and alcohol, and alas, I found this board.

Right now I am weening myself off of Zoloft. That's going okay considering the first time that I tried to do it, I stopped cold turkey. Boy was that a mistake. But, I can't seem to get over the two week hump with the alcohol.

My mom said that our family overall have addictive personalities: we have alcoholics, gamblers, smokers, soda addicts , you name it.

I want to quit. I feel so much better when I don't drink. But then I have a stressful day at work, I get home and I just want to veg (sp?) out on the couch and not think about anything. I've always been into downers - I like stuff that makes me not have to think.

I have a steady job, a family, a college degree, sing in a choir, and a husband that seems to think that I am making more out of this then it really is.

What to do, what to do?
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Old 01-12-2009, 06:35 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

I am glad you have decided to stop drinking and begin recovery.

Did your dr suggest that you go off zoloft? I hope you checked with him before you decided to stop it.
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Old 01-12-2009, 06:43 AM
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If you have come this far I think that you really want to quit and when your husband realizes you are serious he will probably support you. now is the time for action. Try it and if you then think that you can be an occasional drinker like your husband you can do that. Drinking to forget your problems and tensions is usually an indication that you have a drinking problem and the best way to handle a drinking problem is to quit completely. I tried the other way and it didn't work for me and I wasted much of my life fooling myself. Either way good luck to you.
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Old 01-12-2009, 06:44 AM
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Yes. I checked with my doctor. The first time, I didn't check. I learned better the second time and she gave me a weening schedule. So, we shall see. PS - Yes, I always try to do it ocassionally, and then what happens is that there are leftovers in the house, and it's a downward spiral from there. One day turns into 6.
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Old 01-12-2009, 07:33 AM
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nice to meet you, spinsome. keep posting! hugs, k
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Old 01-12-2009, 08:34 AM
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Welcome to SR! This is truly a great place to bounce off your thoughts, feelings and concerns. Everyone of us has been there and you will get answers! So congratulations on the first day of the rest of your life
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Old 01-12-2009, 08:40 AM
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If drinking is a problem for you then it's a great idea to quit doing it. Take it one day at a time, maybe give AA a good try, and it can be done. Welcome to a great place for support!:ghug3
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Old 01-12-2009, 09:10 AM
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Hi Spin, your post really resonated with me. I too am an alcoholic, but started with another drug of choice. I am also a 29 year old female, and have used alcohol as a stress relief. If something went wrong at work, I would immediately think drinking when I got home will make it better. I was trying to escape from stress or any other emotion.

I also had no idea how physically addicted I was until I quit. I was chronically tired for 2-3 weeks, and had other common symptoms. Check out the excerpts from the book "Under the Influence" here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/alcoholism/138571-excerpts-under-influence.html Reading that book helped me understand a lot about my drinking.

I have also had a hard time convincing others that I had a problem, because the rest of my life seemed so functional. Good job, college degree, etc. But I have found out how much I was missing out on by drowning emotions in alcohol all the time.

Welcome to SR, glad you are here! Keep posting and reading!
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Old 01-12-2009, 10:48 AM
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Welcome spinsome!

I relate to you in many ways, especially with the fact that my husband on several occasions had said that he doesn't think that I have a problem. A few years ago, he convinced me that I didn't, so I continued on a downward spiral... slowly but surely. I am 29 years today, quickly approaching 30 3 Months ago, I decided that I needed to do something for ME, and that was to stop drinking all together. My husband again said that he didn't feel that I had a problem... but I knew that I did. So do what's best for YOU! I feel AMAZING today. It's hard to believe that yesterday was 12 weeks since I had picked up a drink!!!

Keep reading and posting!!
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Old 01-12-2009, 11:55 AM
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You know, it's really hard when all of your friends drink too. And I know what most of you will say, leave those friends. But there's no way. There's no way that they would ever pressure me to drink, and they've been there forever. But, it's hard to say, I'm having friends over, and I'm not going to drink, even though they are, etc. As for AA, I've thought about it, but I hate to say that I'm really embarrassed to go. I know, that's probably a horrible thing to say, but I mean, am I weird in feeling that? That and the fact that I keep telling myself that I don't have time. I hid the fact from my husband that I was on antidepressents for months. The reason that I started taking them in the first place was so that I could see if they've held out with my urge to drink. Well, we all see how that story went. Anyhow thatnks for your nice notes. Grrr, it told me I couldn't send a PM until I had 5 posts on the forum. So, I will be in touch with you soon.
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Old 01-12-2009, 12:09 PM
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You could use that addictive personality to your advantage...
become addicted to keeping sober and healthy.

Alcohol affects every part of your body and brain.
It's a toxin..ergo...unhealthy.

Welcome to SR...
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Old 01-12-2009, 01:31 PM
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someone without a addict-personality will never understand i guess...never fully

here there is support...we all been trough, and are going through the same stuff...

my day one is coming (crashing bigtime) to an end...good to hear are as stubborn as me...been coming here (relapsing continiously) for three years now or so...refusing to give up haha.

keep ur stubborness up!! wear it with pride
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Old 01-12-2009, 01:37 PM
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Welcome ..you have found a wonderful place full of support and info.
Keep posting.

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Old 01-12-2009, 08:35 PM
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Hi Spinsome,

Ya know, that whole addictive/alcoholic personality thing was good for a while but in reality it discounts the fact that addiction/alcoholism is most likely genetic. We are not to blame for wanting to alter our mindset with substances because we true alcoholics are born with the defect. There appears to be a problem with our dopamine reward system that makes us seek other paths to get it working. This system is responsible for making us feel good. Page 65 of the book Beyond the Influence: Understanding and Defeating Alcoholism by Ketcham and Asbury (2000) states, "The idea of a preexisting "alcoholic personality" has been debunked...the alcoholic personality is a consequence, not a cause, of alcoholism." This conclusion is based on actual studies conducted by legitimate researchers.

In laymen's terms, we have little or no cause to blame ourselves for our so-called character defects. I am sure you aren't a bad person. Quite the opposite in fact. I am sure you are a great person with a lot of really great attributes.

Based on what you have written about your drinking habits it would seem that you are either a problem drinker or an alcoholic or both. So.....consider that what you may have is a permanent neurological disease that was most likely given to you in a way that you had no control over, genetics.

I hope this helps you. Learning about it really helped me alot. By the way, another good book is Under the Influence by Milam and Ketcham (1981). And finally, Alcoholics Anonymous, aka, the Big Book is a great source for people seeking recovery from alcohol abuse.

Peace be with you.
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Old 01-13-2009, 04:57 AM
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Thanks guys for all of your posts. Yesterday I was thinking and it wasn't actually day one, it was day two because I didn't drink on Sunday either. So, alas, today is day three. The night sweats weren't too bad last night (I had them last week, can't remember if I mentioned that), but they didn't start to come on until day three. I'm sure that it will happen again soon.

I will definitely look into the books that you were talking about. I love to read. Does anybody have any suggestions of how to avoid the alcohol when you get home from work. I tend to try and eat something, or a lot, because when I'm pretty full it'll defer me from wanting to drink as much...or at all. I've been getting into an exercise regime as well. I'm sore and tired, but at least I'm doing something. Any other suggestions?
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Old 01-13-2009, 04:57 AM
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And, I am just going to write one more post so that I can respond back to my private messages. So, here's my one more response.
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Old 01-14-2009, 09:41 AM
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I wanted to repeat my post to see if anybody had suggestions. I'm way back here in the forum and wanted to see if bumping it up would get any responses:

Does anybody have any suggestions of how to avoid the alcohol when you get home from work. I tend to try and eat something, or a lot, because when I'm pretty full it'll defer me from wanting to drink as much...or at all. I've been getting into an exercise regime as well. I'm sore and tired, but at least I'm doing something. Any other suggestions?
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Old 01-14-2009, 04:58 PM
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To answer your question on suggestions of taking your mind off alcohol (not avoiding it), I have a few. You cannot avoid alcohol in today's society, especially if your husband is a "light/moderate" drinker and has a few beers in the fridge. We have to learn and condition ourselves to simply realize we always have the potential and the ability to drink, but we can do so MANY constructive other things other than destroying our body.

For me, I start to think of what I waste by drinking. The rest of the day, my time, my health, my body, my mind. I remember how I feel the next. I'm like you; I don't socially drink. I'll drink two pints of Crown Royal and say "I'm not drunk" sitting on the couch playing guitar, but I have to stop myself because I'm physically starting to feel bad after that much.

After thinking of what you waste by drinking, attach any feelings of remorse, anger, shame, sadness, etc. Do you feel any of this the next day? I think you're a "better" alcoholic than I; I'm totally ashamed of drinking the next day, feel horrible for relapsing, and continuously knock on myself so much so that between my hangover and anxiety have a horribly out of wack heartbeat and mind that races. I hate it. Do not want it ANYMORE.

Don't cherish those thoughts of drinking or "I want a drink" when there's idle or down time. If you're bored, go for a run. You mentioned you like reading; if you're bored, hit up a bookstore and search out a new book. Take a vitamin and healthy drink to better your body instead of destroying it; take up something you've always been "shy" to do; exercise, as you've already found; do something nice for the husband; go for a walk; call old friends you haven't talked to in awhile, anything that deters the mind from thinking about alcohol. Actually, thinking about it and filling it either quickly or a bit slowly with another thought is OK. It's when we act on it that we fail. Get on this website and post

For me, I see a familiar house, bar, gas station, movie, person, etc.. I hear a familiar song, conversation, or words that have upset me before. Almost IMMEDIATELY thereafter I'm thinking about a drink. "Oh man, I gotta get wasted and listen to this". What utter bullsh*t!! What I've been doing, and what I hope to God you try hard to do is to *focus*. When your mind starts fleeting from thought to thought, from "I wanna drink" to "I can't fail myself", focus. On ANYTHING, but the positives of alcohol. Trust me, that's easy, because there are none. All negatives stem from alcohol and its affects. So, you can focus on how bad of a person you may be on alcohol or what it's done that's detrimental in your life, but realize that was you then, and you're currently sober. That should be a powerful feeling.

Good luck, hopefully nothing was confusing.
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