sadie30

I have been with my partner for 3 years, i love him very much but sadly i am loosing him to heroin addiction, i have tried so hard to get him clean and keep him away from it all. IT never ever worked and sadly today i had to get him out, i could no longer sit by and watch the man i love so deeply ruin himself even more. He is no longer the man i met and fell in love with he is a showdow of him former self.

Well today is the first day without him, my heart is breaking, i am worried sick about where is and what he is doing and a ll i want to do is call him and get him home. It is cold out there and i know he is sleeping in his car. I feel so guilty about all of this and i know he truley does love me and regrets everything he has put me thorugh.

I have maybe an hour where i am okay then i totally break down then i am okay again.. i dont understand this, i have never been like this beofre... will it get any better, does the pain stopand when... am i being silly by hoping that he will get clean so we can be togther again... i just dont know how i will cope without him..

URMYEVERYTHING

The pain will subside. It took me a total of 2 weeks to get past the grieving and coming on SR to help me cope. You are grieving 3 yrs. of a relationship and watching someone you care about slowly lose themselves in addiction. The first thing you must do is find support for yourself. He will be ok. There is nothing you can do to help him until he wants the help himself. Addicts are resourceful and they find ways to make it- cold or not. It may not be the most healthy way- but he will realize after a few days in the cold that he has hit his bottom. The more and more you bring him back into your home, he is comfortable. Comfortable enough to keep using the drug and using you. It isn't until the addict is faced with uncomfortable circumstances (e.g., homeless, jail, etc.) that they have an awakening. Love him from a distance and hope that he gets the help he needs. But, protect yourself in the meantime and work on your emotional recovery.

sadie30

thank you, i just dont know where to begin, i know i will be okay and i always am. i just care and love him so much that it scares me that he will never get clean. When he left today he was so sad, i could see through his eyes that his heart was breaking, like mine. Do you think he still loves me or just the fact that i made life comfortable for him, we were meant to be getting married in May, healways told me he loved me but as the addiction took gribs i became second best to it, i could not sit by and watch him ruin everything, i have so many fond and great memories but he was starting to ruin them. At the min i feel so bad, all iwant to do is call him and hear is voice....

URMYEVERYTHING

Reality is- and not to sound mean- but his heart was breaking because he now has to face his demons. He will choose to get clean on his own. There is nothing you can say or do at this point. Addicts will manipulate and lie and he cannot be trusted at this point. If you bring him back in to your home, he can steal from you, etc. and then you will have a harder time letting go of the resentment and hate from the things he has done and said while in active addiction. If he has left willlingly, go with that. You can call him and offer support but that's about it. Letting him back into your home, while using, is dangerous! He can steal from you, bring addicts to your home, drug dealers to your home, has illegal drugs in your home, etc... Think about protecting yourself and your home FIRST!! Then work on your emotional recovery SECOND!! He has chosen his DOC as his first priority. Choose yourself as your first priority.

sadie30

i know your right, this is the first time i have done this and in our whole 3 years of being together it is the longest we have not spoken, i will maybe call him in a few days, i think of him all the time, have friends coming round in the morning to help pack up his stuff and take it to his parents, maybe once his stuff is away i wont be reminded of everylittle thing. I just dont know... its so upsetting as i have never gone through this kind of emotions before. I do truly love him and believed he was the one.. I am also angry that he ruined that for us. I suppose if he loved me he would of got clean along time ago.... i just want to believe he loves me cause i love him...

sadie30

oh he did go willingly, he gave me a cuddle and said he was goingt o miss me so much, he said he was so sorry for everything and he truly loved me.. he asked once things have settled down can we be friends as he does not want to loose me completly.

URMYEVERYTHING

The pain can be unbearable at times and even with his stuff gone you will have memories of him. If our addicts loved us and not the drug, then all of us wouldn't be here posting. They will have to get clean and want that life for themselves, more than anything.

You are grieving and going through the normal process. It will take time. Over time, the pain does subside. As long as you are reaching out for support, you will heal.

Your emotions are justified. Anger is a part of addiction. Letting go of it is the hardest but best thing we can do for ourselves.

I'm here for ya whenever you need to talk and so is the SR community. Keep checking in and read around. The posts are phenomenol. Also, read what addicts do sticky. It will help you get some insight into addictive behaviors and keep your distance for now.

You're in my prayers.

Limiya

It's horrible when it feels their drugs are more important than loving and being with us isn't it?
I know that goes through my head constantly, through the breakups and makeups.
And the worst is watching the man you love slowly deteriorate through his own self abuse. It's difficult but i think you did right, and he needs to feel the cold and what life is like out there with no comfort and warm bed. Cause if he gets deep into Heroin that's where he'll end up.

My heart goes out to you and i hope you start to feel better soon. It's heartbreaking but stay strong. We're all here for you if you want to vent or anything.

Hugs,
~Limiya~

URMYEVERYTHING

I was told the same thing by my hbf. The only exception is that we didn't live together. I tell him everytime we have a moment to talk that his words mean nothing to me until he shows action towards wanting to be sober and in recovery. For now, I am working on me and that's all I can do. When and if he gets sober and I'm still available, then we will reassess our situation. You don't have to feel like it's completely over. Just keep your distance for now. Time will tell which way he will go. :ghug

sadie30

thanks guys i am off to my bed just now as it is 2am and iam shattered with all the crying, i have a son to get up for school and i need to not look like a scary monster with big red eyes lol... thank you all so much for your support and i will be back here soon when i have another moment of going nuts xxxxxxx

sadie30

well thats his stuff packed and the house feels empty, i am missing him so much already and i missed his call, gutted but i am hoping he will call me back ot let me know how he is, i just dont know if i can let go of him xx

winnie12

Being alone doesnt have to mean being lonely. Dont let that empty house play tricks on your mind. Get out and do something you enjoy - stay busy and instead of thinking about how quiet it is think about how PEACEFUL it is.

Alaia

Sadie, my ex-abf is a heroin addict. I was with him for a little over a year but we were friends for almost 5 years before we got together. It's very hard asking them to leave. He's not going to get help until he's ready to quit. You need some time to yourself. Try checking out a naranon meeting or get some reading material. Codependent No more and Addict in the Family are 2 good books that helped me a lot. Keep coming here as well. Reading other peoples posts and posting kept me sane and helped me so much. There is a lot of support around here and I am thankful I found SR when I did. If you do contact him, watch his actions when he talks to you. You can't really believe much of anything an active addict says. Actions, not words. They are very good at manipulation, so be careful. Also, read the stickies at the top of the forum. They help. Hugs to you and make sure you put yourself first (I know it's easier said than done) right now, and help yourself. It will get easier as time goes by. Hugs to you. :praying

georgena

stay strong with partner 8 yrs was heroin addict when i met him tryed ti help him but ended up on it myself seven yrs now im going to kick him out wednesday cant get clean with him dont really tyhink he wants it like me and i have 15 yr old son from previous relationship stay strong everyones responsible for there own actions please god times a heeler and lifes to short to be misserable im great at giving advice just got to do it myself love always georgena

sadie30

hi georgena, i hope you win your battle, i personally have never taken drugs and never will do so as i ave seen the damage that it causes to love ones, well i have first hand experince now, i am going to watch what he does and i will love and sppor him from a distance, i made my mind up to do that because i cant turn my back compltely. I lok forward to having some time to mself and not have to worry about him every min or every day, i probaly will and he wil lalway be in my thoughts but to be honest i feel slighly better tonight, thanks gus for everything and i will be on here all the time with my manic monents lol xxxxx

hello-kitty

Hi sadie. I certainly can relate to what you are going through. It IS hard to do the right thing sometimes. That's why it's called the right thing, not the easy thing. Have faith sweetie.

Keep us posted on how your recovery from his addiction is going? That's not easy either.

URMYEVERYTHING

Good Job Sadie!
It's hard but time will pass and it will get easier. Some days are harder than others (I'm having a bad one today myself) but then I have to pick myself up and stop feeling pity for him and myself. Keep your distance is the best thing. If you decide to venture out- prepare yourself to not except a thing. That helped me with what I have going on today!!

sadie30

i hope everything is okay with your urmeverything, today for me has been one of the better ones, i made it easier by js getting on with it, i also went to town a bought some photo frames and have loads of pitures of him about the house, he may be gone for now but os far from being forgotton about xx hope your day gets better xxx

lilmami

You are being so strong!My partner finished detox and went into rehab today,he had been clean 5 years and used for 2 days so off he went,I am missing him so much I hurt physically!!I watched my mum struggle for 8 years before she left my dad ( he was heroin addict-died od 20 yrs ago) and I never want to put my kids through what I saw.it is hard to be strong,I spent yesterday bawling then had to come to work for night shift!!!But it is worth it in the end!

sadie30

Well he has finally seeked help himself today and has been placed in temperory accomadtion, he has been referred for a methodone programme and is finally starting to see his wrongs, i have spoken to him on the phone and he says he is sorry for all he has done and that he does love me so much. I have agreed to support him from a distance whilst he is on this programme, but under no circumstances is he getting to move back in, i feel alot happier and stress free, he is still using at the min but at least its not with my money and under my roof. I dont have to worry about what he is doing. I love him so much and i pray to god that this works and we can finally get our life back together as i know he is my soul mate xx