NeedingHelp7

AH had visit yesterday with young son age 6. I have an Order of Prot. against older son 19. AH took ys to McDonalds during this visit and had os come over to visit ys son there (they haven't seen each other since Aug.). AH did this without my knowledge and without asking me first.

***the order of prot. only names he can't come near me nor contact me in any way.

But I didn't expect AH to do that. And as much as I know they miss each other, how dare AH take it in his hands to arrange them to visit at McDonalds.

greeteachday

It would be nice if your husband discussed this matter with you before taking action, but then he probably wouldn't be an AH would he? That is what addicts do. What has happened has happened and it sounds like the visit was okay, which is something to be grateful for. I think if you do not feel your younger son should see his brother, it is time to amend the order to include him. You can't control your husband, but you can take that action if necessary to protect your son.
I'm sorry you have to go through this frustration. The addict in my life was my child - I imagine it is so difficult (not that all situations with addiction aren't difficult, but I think you know what i mean) when innocent children are involved as well. Hugs

NeedingHelp7

I forgot to mention older son is an AS also. Ys said he was happy seeing his brother but he said it so sadly like he was saying "I saw him, now he's gone again." type of saddness.

I really don't know how AS is doing except what his sister tells me. She says he is doing good. Well that doesn't really tell me that much. I don't know if he is clean.

So it wasn't bad, but if he did it this time would it happen again??? And that he did it without discussing it with me first bothers me. If I were to allow ys to see os, it wouldn't be via AH.

I haven't confronted AH about this, I just found out about it late last night. I don't know if I should. We have court Monday afternoon. Should I just bring it up there????

Ann

First, let me say that I know how this must annoy you and in the midst of all the A`s in your life it must be hard to find peace.

But...the way I see it is that the order is for him to stay away from `you` so if AH made arrangements to see him somewhere else, that is respecting your order and yet letting him see his son.

Maybe I am short on some facts here, but taking it just from this thread, I`d say that maybe I`d leave it alone, if it were me.

Sending hugs because you have more A`s in your life than I do and it must be all that much harder for you. :ghug3

Ann

Nahhh, second thought AH should have let you know. Seeing the son wasn`t a bad thing, but not letting you know is dishonest by omission.

Pheww, I must learn to think things through before I post

Hugs

SistersHelp

NH7, if you're off to court on Monday anyway, don't go through a confrontation with your AH. Tell your lawyer what happened and let the lawyer decide whether or not it's significant enough to be brought up before the judge. Save yourself the stress of confrontation... that's what I think.

NeedingHelp7

YS said he talked with AS on the phone at McDonalds via AH's cell phone. Ys said AS didn't mention that he was going to come there. So I don't know if AS just showed up without notice to anyone, or if he arranged it with AH first.

I am so thankful for the peace that I have had since being removed from supervising visits (AH was out to hurt me through them all). The judge knew this needed to be done. And asked if anyone else could supervise. No one else. So now this. Now I'm concerned that AH will hurt sons to hurt me. He's an abuser. I told AH long ago not to even talk to AS, because I don't want him hurting AS. AH said in his visitation court papers that AS had hit and yelled at YS all the time, which isn't true, AS did a lot but not to YS. AH has been terribly warped, and knows how to psychologically abuse big time.
He couldn't do it to me, and I don't want him doing it to the kids.

I won't confront him....yet.