afiet

At the risk of sound crazy and rambling on and on, here it goes...
I have been dealing with the evils of alcohol and drugs for most of my life. Although I didn't realize it until recently, my father is an alcoholic. My brother is an alcoholic. My husband is a drug addicit. And me...well I'm as co-dependent as they come. It's taken 7 years of being with my husband, 5 years of marriage and 2 kids to realize that I have my own issues I need to work on and that he has his that only he can work on.

I've been a fixer for a long, long time. Recently I reached reached my end of the rope- I found drugs in our home, so I left. I refused to come back until my husband showed some real change.

Today he is almost done with a six week outpatient program. This might not seem like much but for someone who has been dealing with drug use for 12 years and never admitted he had a problem (or it wasn't that big of deal) to being in a program and starting to work the steps- it is a VERY big deal.

Don't worry I am not getting my hopes up too much until I continue to see more action but I am glad something. I thought about leaving for a long time but I think that my crazy mind made me fear that I would leave and he wouldn't care. My selfishness made me think that I would rather stay in the situation and try to figure something else out than risk him not caring if I left.

Unfortunetly this is kind of where I am now fearful. I am afraid to believe that things might be getting better because I've been lied to so many times. I don't want to fall into that trap anymore.

I went to my first Alanon meeting recently and have attended several outpatient sessions and NA/AA meetings with my husband. I no longer pray to god that my husband will stop using or ask him why this is happening to me, etc. I just thank him for the many blessing in my life, especially my two healthy boys and I ask for peace in my life/home and strength to travel the road that god has set for me.

I know I am moving in the right direction but still have a lot of work ahead of me just as he- if he is truthful this time- still has a lot of work ahead of him. How do we both work our steps and try to rebuild trust? I don't want to be a doormat but don't want to be a stone either.

Any advice or words of encouragement that anyone has are greatly appreciated! Thank you for listening.

TryingSoHard

Hi there, and welcome to SR!


Thank you for posting and sharing your story. I am sorry you're having to face these ugly struggles, but I'm REALLY glad to hear you're giving Al-Anon a try. I hope you can learn how to take care of YOURSELF (and your children) because, you're right - you can only work on your issues, and your husband is the only one who can work on his issues.

I strongly encourage you to visit our Friends and Family forum. While I'm sure you'll get plenty of support and feedback here, the people in F&F have walked in your shoes and will be able to share their stories and experiences with you in a way that we (as addicts) can't. But please don't take that to mean we won't also support you - we absolutely will. And maybe you'll be interested to hear stories from our perspective as well.

Good luck to you and your family.

least

I can only say for you to keep yourself strong and healthy. You can't support anyone else if you are in trouble yourself. Be good to yourself and work on your own issues. Best of luck to you and your husband!

Welcome!:ghug3

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family Afiet!

You are doing great! You have set personal boundaries and followed stood up for yourself and your children. You also made a wise choice in attending al-anon and NA meetings.

Continue to work on yourselves, be supportive of yourself and his program. I believe the phrase is: "Do the next right thing"

Please read and post as much as you need. Make yourself at home.

afiet

Thanks for your words of encouragement Trying so Hard. I am very interested in learning the other perspective. Maybe it's the control freak in me or that my husband has never wanted to explain the other side to me (prior to this last time)- but I do want to know the other side. I think that only this way that I really understand what my family is going through. I know I can't take this information to fix them, but just to help me be more understanding. Is there a different forum that I can post to learn more about this or if you don't mine sharing your story/perspective with me would you email me?
Thanks again for listening.

afiet

Thank you to everyone for their kind words of encouragement. I am just going to continue on my journey and hope that through my higher power I will know if this is true and eventually in the very far future trust can be rebuilt or if this is just another form of manipulation. Please keep me in your prayers.

nip

whatever you decide to do ...has to be for you