Bumps in the road...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Bumps in the road...
I need to share this...if only to get it off my chest....just to pause for a moment and let another alcoholic/addict know where im at.
The year has not gone great so far in terms of upheaval and worry.
My youngest daughter stole 2 thousand pounds from me....from a credit card in cash over a period of a couple of months..
Last year she stole from other relatives and also sold some person stuff of mine on e.bay...first off im 99% sure its not drugs...shes 16 and scared to death of drugs but if she can get her hands on booze it good fun to get drunk....or so she thinks..
It seems to be more of a money obssesion or addiction......like a shopaholic i guess...i struggle to understand...and keep my cool.
Mum is just tormented by it....and cant talk yet......
Its like being robbed then living with the robber......its tuff going at the moment.
Is this a teenage thing? they dont come with a manual...
My eighteen year old daughter has passed her driving test 2 weeks ago and has "total lose" her car yesterday.....shes fine and it wasnt her fault but more worry and stress..
The amount of goods i haul round the country is getting less and less and im worried for my job........like everyone i guess.
wow what a start to 2009...and its only just begun...lol
I know they are just bumps in the road and i have no desire to get loaded...but the feelings involved with these trials puts me on the back foot.
And to think all i ever prayed for was a "life" ....lol
O.k heres the plan.........i have saftey nets in place....i will continue to pray.
I will continue to share........and work powerlessness...because i dont have any answers to any of this..
Ive been through worse in recovery.......when the bumps come, they always feel like the biggest bumps so far..
Thanks for listening.....feels good to share ..........trucker
The year has not gone great so far in terms of upheaval and worry.
My youngest daughter stole 2 thousand pounds from me....from a credit card in cash over a period of a couple of months..
Last year she stole from other relatives and also sold some person stuff of mine on e.bay...first off im 99% sure its not drugs...shes 16 and scared to death of drugs but if she can get her hands on booze it good fun to get drunk....or so she thinks..
It seems to be more of a money obssesion or addiction......like a shopaholic i guess...i struggle to understand...and keep my cool.
Mum is just tormented by it....and cant talk yet......
Its like being robbed then living with the robber......its tuff going at the moment.
Is this a teenage thing? they dont come with a manual...
My eighteen year old daughter has passed her driving test 2 weeks ago and has "total lose" her car yesterday.....shes fine and it wasnt her fault but more worry and stress..
The amount of goods i haul round the country is getting less and less and im worried for my job........like everyone i guess.
wow what a start to 2009...and its only just begun...lol
I know they are just bumps in the road and i have no desire to get loaded...but the feelings involved with these trials puts me on the back foot.
And to think all i ever prayed for was a "life" ....lol
O.k heres the plan.........i have saftey nets in place....i will continue to pray.
I will continue to share........and work powerlessness...because i dont have any answers to any of this..
Ive been through worse in recovery.......when the bumps come, they always feel like the biggest bumps so far..
Thanks for listening.....feels good to share ..........trucker
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Sorry to hear about the problems trucker, thats one thing about getting sober though, even if your doing everything right life still throws its curve balls at you.
2000 pounds is about 4000. US dollars, thats quite a bit of money for a young girl to go through, hard to understand I guess.
By the way I was an over the road trucker for about 15 years in the USA, I was an owner-operator, its a rough life no doubt.
Good to hear your staying sober through all this, hope it all works out for you.
2000 pounds is about 4000. US dollars, thats quite a bit of money for a young girl to go through, hard to understand I guess.
By the way I was an over the road trucker for about 15 years in the USA, I was an owner-operator, its a rough life no doubt.
Good to hear your staying sober through all this, hope it all works out for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Its about $3,000 US dollars. Even if she drank top shelf stuff at a bar at $6 per drink, that works out to over 500 drinks, or 8 per day assuming she drank every day for 2 months.
I have a hard time believing that. So I'm with you there must be something else involved. I pray it is not drugs.
This begs a few questions: Are you going to confront her with the theft and find out what she did? Or are you going to play ostrich and bury your head in the dirt? When does she pay some consequences for her actions?
I have a hard time believing that. So I'm with you there must be something else involved. I pray it is not drugs.
This begs a few questions: Are you going to confront her with the theft and find out what she did? Or are you going to play ostrich and bury your head in the dirt? When does she pay some consequences for her actions?
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Don't let her have access to your finances. If you have to, get a new card/change the information. Once you make sure she can't do it again, talk to her about it.
If she's stolen from other people before and continues to do so, one of them might get really angry and call the authorities on her. The longer it goes on, the worse it gets...and if you don't say anything, she'll think her behavior is acceptable. Wishing you the best of luck.
If she's stolen from other people before and continues to do so, one of them might get really angry and call the authorities on her. The longer it goes on, the worse it gets...and if you don't say anything, she'll think her behavior is acceptable. Wishing you the best of luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
I plan to get to the bottom of it....i do know that her circle of friends has changed recently..
Ive considered calling the police............so she sees that im not gonna except this behavior..........but it dont taste nice!!!
Teenage girls............nightmare.
She will also be paying it back for a good while...she has a partime job.
Im so very grateful that im sober and able to deal with it on the level....
Ive considered calling the police............so she sees that im not gonna except this behavior..........but it dont taste nice!!!
Teenage girls............nightmare.
She will also be paying it back for a good while...she has a partime job.
Im so very grateful that im sober and able to deal with it on the level....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: richmond,va
Posts: 307
hang in there... this too shall pass..i've had a trying couple of months myself..i thank the god of my understanding im still clean and sober today..threw it all i've practiced acceptance ,patience,and learnt if i want things to be different.. i must be different..i try and stay positive and focus on what is going good like my recovery and my relationship with god..the rest well i break it down and work on it little by little..in the big picture im getting more accomplished than i think after breaking it down..the rest..i let go and let god..
Moving out of Limbo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Today
Posts: 343
It's good to hear you are taking care of yourself first, which is essential to taking care of the situation. I am sorry to hear about what happened. I sounds like you are thinking this through, and that's good.
much love
much love
~miss nikky~
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: windsor gardens, south australia, australia
Posts: 1,984
wish i knew what to say
i have trouble getting my teenager who is a legal adult now to pay for her food ect.
she is not a theif still in school(last year) works an i can honestly say ive never had any trouble with her except the issue of me having to pay for everything which im no longer prepared to do
she is an adult & works she needs to learn the value of money an pay her way through life or go without its ytthat simple
if it were my kids i'd call the cops but im a hard ass mum
many would disagree with that but i dont care
live life on lifes terms
theives need severe consequences or they just keep doing it
i have trouble getting my teenager who is a legal adult now to pay for her food ect.
she is not a theif still in school(last year) works an i can honestly say ive never had any trouble with her except the issue of me having to pay for everything which im no longer prepared to do
she is an adult & works she needs to learn the value of money an pay her way through life or go without its ytthat simple
if it were my kids i'd call the cops but im a hard ass mum
many would disagree with that but i dont care
live life on lifes terms
theives need severe consequences or they just keep doing it
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Trucker,
Man. Having kids is both the most utterly amazing thing in life and also the scariest ever. Mine are 16, 12, 7 and 4. All boys. And I've always felt kind of lucky that I didn't have girls. Because I was hell on wheels and gave my parents so much grief.
I'm sorry for the drama and stress in your life right now. You said: "O.k heres the plan.........i have saftey nets in place....i will continue to pray. I will continue to share........and work powerlessness...because i dont have any answers to any of this.." and when I read that, I thought, this man has his head screwed on straight. It's what I've thought each time I've read any of your posts. I can see you are trying and doing all you can do. And paying attention at the same time. So, my first thought is - Good job.
I changed dramatically as a 14 year old due to a big move from the country to NYC and due to being sexually assaulted. I didn't tell my parents about what had happened in my life and just started drinking heavily and lying about every little thing. I thought my parents were stupid and not paying attention. I thought they just wanted me to give them a good story so they could relax and not worry.
If there's been a big change in your daughter, I just wonder if it's due to something happening in her life that is hurting her? Rejection by friends? Boy trouble? Etc.
I also wonder if she is reacting to your sobriety in any way? I've spent a bit of time on the Friends and Family Forum trying to understand what it's like from the other side and they are all so miserable. They really suffer. In ways that I didn't "get." When we get sober, it changes everything for our families. Even if they are happy we are sober, they still have to shift and adjust to make room for the changes. And sometimes it's painful.
The only other thing that comes to my mind is sort of along the lines of what you yourself already said. Your daughter, although you have responsibility for protecting her and trying to guide her, is very much her own being now. Even though she's only a child in many ways. She has decisions to make and choices in front of her. And although it's painful to see her make bad choices, you can only do so much. My teenage son is lovely most of the time. But sometimes he gets a bug in his head and it seems like he hates us. He pulls inside himself and sort of disappears - only showing up to snap at his little brothers. And at those times, I get hurt at first. I go "what did I say or do to deserve this?" But I didn't say or do anything to deserve it. It's just part of what he has happening in his own head as he goes through "teenagerhood."
What your daughter is doing is illegal and obviously so much more serious. And potentially dangerous. I'm not saying take a hands off approach because it's just her being her. But I guess I'm saying (and I think you know this already and said it yourself) recognize that she's separate from you and making her own choices and it's quite possible that you and your wife won't be able to change her course of action. She might, even after you've done everything you can do, still do the wrong thing.
In which case, keeping your own balance - through prayer, staying sober, appreciation of what is right in your life, having compassion for her, staying connected as much as possible to your family and your support - is all you can really do. And then you have to let it go.
Nothing I said can really help, I know. And I'm sorry. But know that we care. There's a lot of people here who genuinely care for you and your predictament. Including me. I'll pray for you.
- Emilie
Man. Having kids is both the most utterly amazing thing in life and also the scariest ever. Mine are 16, 12, 7 and 4. All boys. And I've always felt kind of lucky that I didn't have girls. Because I was hell on wheels and gave my parents so much grief.
I'm sorry for the drama and stress in your life right now. You said: "O.k heres the plan.........i have saftey nets in place....i will continue to pray. I will continue to share........and work powerlessness...because i dont have any answers to any of this.." and when I read that, I thought, this man has his head screwed on straight. It's what I've thought each time I've read any of your posts. I can see you are trying and doing all you can do. And paying attention at the same time. So, my first thought is - Good job.
I changed dramatically as a 14 year old due to a big move from the country to NYC and due to being sexually assaulted. I didn't tell my parents about what had happened in my life and just started drinking heavily and lying about every little thing. I thought my parents were stupid and not paying attention. I thought they just wanted me to give them a good story so they could relax and not worry.
If there's been a big change in your daughter, I just wonder if it's due to something happening in her life that is hurting her? Rejection by friends? Boy trouble? Etc.
I also wonder if she is reacting to your sobriety in any way? I've spent a bit of time on the Friends and Family Forum trying to understand what it's like from the other side and they are all so miserable. They really suffer. In ways that I didn't "get." When we get sober, it changes everything for our families. Even if they are happy we are sober, they still have to shift and adjust to make room for the changes. And sometimes it's painful.
The only other thing that comes to my mind is sort of along the lines of what you yourself already said. Your daughter, although you have responsibility for protecting her and trying to guide her, is very much her own being now. Even though she's only a child in many ways. She has decisions to make and choices in front of her. And although it's painful to see her make bad choices, you can only do so much. My teenage son is lovely most of the time. But sometimes he gets a bug in his head and it seems like he hates us. He pulls inside himself and sort of disappears - only showing up to snap at his little brothers. And at those times, I get hurt at first. I go "what did I say or do to deserve this?" But I didn't say or do anything to deserve it. It's just part of what he has happening in his own head as he goes through "teenagerhood."
What your daughter is doing is illegal and obviously so much more serious. And potentially dangerous. I'm not saying take a hands off approach because it's just her being her. But I guess I'm saying (and I think you know this already and said it yourself) recognize that she's separate from you and making her own choices and it's quite possible that you and your wife won't be able to change her course of action. She might, even after you've done everything you can do, still do the wrong thing.
In which case, keeping your own balance - through prayer, staying sober, appreciation of what is right in your life, having compassion for her, staying connected as much as possible to your family and your support - is all you can really do. And then you have to let it go.
Nothing I said can really help, I know. And I'm sorry. But know that we care. There's a lot of people here who genuinely care for you and your predictament. Including me. I'll pray for you.
- Emilie
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
