Stepson with addicted Mom
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 2
Stepson with addicted Mom
Hi all! Im not sure if Im posting this in the right place...Im new to site, so please bare with me.
Here goes, I have a 15 yo stepson, whom I adore and want to murder at times
His Mom is a Meth addict and has been for years, he is now at the age where he understands what she is doing. He is been in a big funk lately about his Mom and his 'responsiblilty'. We've told him that is isnt his job to fix her. How do we make him feel that he is not alone and that he cant help or change her? Does anyone know of any good reading material I can get online? I want to show him that he isnt alone nor to blame! He is an amazingly smart and good boy...but, he does not like to talk about her. Im so afraid that him holding all this in is going to affect him forever. I just want him to see, read and feel that he isnt alone! Please, any help would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you in advance,
D
Here goes, I have a 15 yo stepson, whom I adore and want to murder at times
His Mom is a Meth addict and has been for years, he is now at the age where he understands what she is doing. He is been in a big funk lately about his Mom and his 'responsiblilty'. We've told him that is isnt his job to fix her. How do we make him feel that he is not alone and that he cant help or change her? Does anyone know of any good reading material I can get online? I want to show him that he isnt alone nor to blame! He is an amazingly smart and good boy...but, he does not like to talk about her. Im so afraid that him holding all this in is going to affect him forever. I just want him to see, read and feel that he isnt alone! Please, any help would be greatly appreciated!Thank you in advance,
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
If you can find an Alateen meeting (and get him to go to it) he would be able to meet with other teens that have addict/alkie parents. Not sure this would help but of course the "adult" organizations alanon and narcanon have help countless people.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome to SR Jad! You are in the right place- there is a lot of support here-
As Dgillz stated getting him into Ala-teen or even counseling would be a thought
to consider. Keeping things bottled up is only going to hurt him in the long run IMHO. I know that I wish when I was growing up I had something or someone to talk too about all that went on in my home. Children can be scared to let things out to those who are around them on a daily basis, so going somewhere they feel "safe" to let out what is inside is a good thing!
Please keep coming back and posting! Lots of support here!
As Dgillz stated getting him into Ala-teen or even counseling would be a thought
to consider. Keeping things bottled up is only going to hurt him in the long run IMHO. I know that I wish when I was growing up I had something or someone to talk too about all that went on in my home. Children can be scared to let things out to those who are around them on a daily basis, so going somewhere they feel "safe" to let out what is inside is a good thing!
Please keep coming back and posting! Lots of support here!
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Al-ateen, 10000%. He needs to be with his peers, seeing that he didn't cause the problem, he can't control the problem and he cannot cure the problem. All with others his age who are going through the same thing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Phoenix
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Thank you all so much for your replys! Sadly, he will not go! We've offered counseling and alanon/alateen he will not go! Thats why Im looking for something written...I figured just get him some reading material and he can read it when he choses! He gets very intraverted when we try to talk to him about it...locks himself in his bedroom and will not talk to anyone! I am at a loss!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Co-dependent no more? I am not saying he is codependent but the book does a good job of explaining the various roles that family members play and how they contribute to the insanity. Also lots of good advice on detaching.
AKA 'grewupinabarn'
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 471
jad,
There is some material available online -
Alateen Literature
The site also has a page for purchasing 'approved literature' (mostly useful and inexpensive $0.25 pamphlets).
And his school or the local alanon groups may have some of these pamphlets.
I don't know your situation well, but you could ask another adult that he respects (teacher, uncle, coach) to talk to him. Sometimes it takes a word from a 3rd party to get the message across.
I hope this helps.
There is some material available online -
Alateen Literature
The site also has a page for purchasing 'approved literature' (mostly useful and inexpensive $0.25 pamphlets).
And his school or the local alanon groups may have some of these pamphlets.
I don't know your situation well, but you could ask another adult that he respects (teacher, uncle, coach) to talk to him. Sometimes it takes a word from a 3rd party to get the message across.
I hope this helps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Northern New Jersey
Posts: 74
What are his reasons for not going? Is he embarrassed? Does not like to share things with strangers? If you can find out what is holding him back from going to Alateen meetings that might be a first step in him actually getting there.
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