inahaze

Seeing as how I'm going to leave this spring I thought it might be useful to write down things that I will be accomplishing for my children by doing this.

This is mostly about my daughter because my son will always live with me.

She will learn that you don't have to live with someone who explodes because you disagree.

She will learn that alcohol isn't a daily beverage.

She will learn to cope with life rather than turn to a drink.

She will have positive life lessons that will enable her to develope positive relationships.

She will learn the value of education and see it as a tool to a better life.

She will learn that a woman is just as important as a man.

She will value life and see herself as a person worthy of good things.

bodychek

I think we all want this for our children. The sad thing is that if your husband is like the rest of us garden-variety alcoholics he wants it too. Unfortunately while he is fighting the alcoholic within himself he cannot see it. I remember that I wanted nothing more than to want to be with my kids. There was no question that I loved my wife and kids more than I loved anything... anything that is except alcohol. Non-alcoholics don't understand what happens to us in our addictions. We do not "choose" alcohol over our families, we need it. For me, I used to go through a death-spiral I would drink and inevitably disappoint my family then I would feel shame, guilt, and remorse then I would drink to escape the shame, guilt, and remorse. Since I was spared from this nightmare I have reconnected with my kids and am truly "with them" when I am with them, when I am not with them I long for nothing else but to be with them. Hopefully your AH hits his bottom and seeks help, but you cannot do anything to spped that process. It is time to take care of you and your kids.

You are very strong and should be commended on detaching yourself and your kids from your AH. That is the only defense our families and friends have against us when we are in our disease. My recommendation for your kids is to educate them, get them help, and more importantly love them and be there for them. It is a well known fact that our families need recovery just as much, if not more, than we do.

Good luck.

brundle

I want them to know all those things.

I want them to know forgiveness and peace.

I want them to learn the art of positive attitudes.

I want them to learn that a healthy home is a haven not a place of fear; full of secrets and lies.

I want them to learn to look to their HP for what they need and not people who too often don't have what we need.