working the steps
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
working the steps
I have begun to re-work the steps as if for the first time. I am gearing myself towards doing a fourth step. I plan to use this thread to post my progress. I just completed my first step on the computer:
My step one: We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction that our lives had become unmanageable.
Am I sure I want to stop using?
I am as sure as I can be right now. I want to change enough that I am going through these steps thoroughly again. I am tired of going back to the pain and hell that using ALWAYS brings me to. And I want to continue towards a new life of being more of a giver than a taker.
Do I understand that I have no real control over drugs?
I get this. I get that if I think about using, and then make the decision to use, then I will use and I will use more and more until I am inside of the HELL that I go to and that this could be a further step towards a lower bottom than before. I also know that if I change my thoughts, and ask for help from the universe in any number of ways, that I can do the next right thing.
Do I recognize that in the long run, I didn’t use drugs—they used me?
Yes. When I chose to use, I ended up being outright controlled by the drug. I basically turned into an animal.
Did jails, and institutions take over the management of our lives at different times?
Oh yes. Jail, courts, treatment centers, day hospitals, and the inpatient psyche ward have all had their place in my life over the last 8 years. My life has been centered around these things, sometimes with my addiction running concurrently.
Do I fully accept the fact that my every attempt to stop using or to control my using failed?
Yes I get this. Once I let my thoughts go beyond a point of no return then there was no chance that I could stop myself from taking the rest of the steps towards finally using. And any time that I thought I would use a little and then try to function I either couldn’t show up for my activity or I showed up in a vegetable state, in a paranoid state of fear and pain and guilt.
Do I know that my addiction changed me into someone I didn’t want to be: a dishonest, deceitful, self-willed person at odds with myself and the world?
Oh yes. The more I try I can remember specific lies I made to cover up my using. To cover up why I didn’t answer the phone. Why I didn’t show up for an activity. Why I was late. I remember often rushing an activity to its end so that I could be on my way to start the process of using.
Do I really believe that I have failed as a drug user?
Yes. I like that. I was always a below average drug user. I would pass out after several beers. I would fall asleep when I smoked pot. I was paranoid with hallucinogenics and crack. I was never able to function like it appeared that others could do when they used. I am clearly not an “A” student as a drinker or drugger.
After one drink or drug I gained the unstoppable desire to use more. This is the compulsion part of my addiction. The raw physical part of it. The animal part of my addiction. The part in which I could not stop and became obsessed with getting and having more.
I also became addicted to the process of getting high itself. Addicted to the addiction. I became obsessed with using all the time, and experienced overpowering desires to use. This is the mental part of my disease.
In the process of my addiction I became more and more self centered. More than the “normal” state that people face. This self-centered part of me was focused upon and around using. My spirit of light and wonder was almost complete erased. I was mired in the obsession of using, and my next use. This is the spiritual part of my disease: my spiritual bankruptcy.
So for the last 8 years or so I have been involved with my drug of choice in one way or another with little abstinence. It was good “the first time”. It was a wonderful experience one time. After that things changed more and more towards misery. My life became very messy. I let down my children and wife (ex-wife), friends, and acquaintances at work and elsewhere. I nearly lost my job. I got arrested twice and that could have been a few more times. I stole purses. I stole CD’s. I spent time exchanging my stuff for money at the flea market and pawn shops. I opened bank accounts to get more money and stiffed the banks. I opened more credit card accounts and maxed them out. I drove for miles, over and over again, to get more drugs at all hours of the night. I smashed my cars numerous times, lost telephones, went to work to borrow money, missed work, and was unable to work or do things period. I was in places and times where my life was in danger. There are specific events in which I behaved unforgivably. My life has been completely out of control and very mess at best for the last 5 years. I have squandered my money, cars, time, friendships, and the potential to have been a much better person. I have been a taker.
In my first step I have been powerless after one drink, powerless over my addiction itself, and my life has been a mess.
My step one: We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction that our lives had become unmanageable.
Am I sure I want to stop using?
I am as sure as I can be right now. I want to change enough that I am going through these steps thoroughly again. I am tired of going back to the pain and hell that using ALWAYS brings me to. And I want to continue towards a new life of being more of a giver than a taker.
Do I understand that I have no real control over drugs?
I get this. I get that if I think about using, and then make the decision to use, then I will use and I will use more and more until I am inside of the HELL that I go to and that this could be a further step towards a lower bottom than before. I also know that if I change my thoughts, and ask for help from the universe in any number of ways, that I can do the next right thing.
Do I recognize that in the long run, I didn’t use drugs—they used me?
Yes. When I chose to use, I ended up being outright controlled by the drug. I basically turned into an animal.
Did jails, and institutions take over the management of our lives at different times?
Oh yes. Jail, courts, treatment centers, day hospitals, and the inpatient psyche ward have all had their place in my life over the last 8 years. My life has been centered around these things, sometimes with my addiction running concurrently.
Do I fully accept the fact that my every attempt to stop using or to control my using failed?
Yes I get this. Once I let my thoughts go beyond a point of no return then there was no chance that I could stop myself from taking the rest of the steps towards finally using. And any time that I thought I would use a little and then try to function I either couldn’t show up for my activity or I showed up in a vegetable state, in a paranoid state of fear and pain and guilt.
Do I know that my addiction changed me into someone I didn’t want to be: a dishonest, deceitful, self-willed person at odds with myself and the world?
Oh yes. The more I try I can remember specific lies I made to cover up my using. To cover up why I didn’t answer the phone. Why I didn’t show up for an activity. Why I was late. I remember often rushing an activity to its end so that I could be on my way to start the process of using.
Do I really believe that I have failed as a drug user?
Yes. I like that. I was always a below average drug user. I would pass out after several beers. I would fall asleep when I smoked pot. I was paranoid with hallucinogenics and crack. I was never able to function like it appeared that others could do when they used. I am clearly not an “A” student as a drinker or drugger.
After one drink or drug I gained the unstoppable desire to use more. This is the compulsion part of my addiction. The raw physical part of it. The animal part of my addiction. The part in which I could not stop and became obsessed with getting and having more.
I also became addicted to the process of getting high itself. Addicted to the addiction. I became obsessed with using all the time, and experienced overpowering desires to use. This is the mental part of my disease.
In the process of my addiction I became more and more self centered. More than the “normal” state that people face. This self-centered part of me was focused upon and around using. My spirit of light and wonder was almost complete erased. I was mired in the obsession of using, and my next use. This is the spiritual part of my disease: my spiritual bankruptcy.
So for the last 8 years or so I have been involved with my drug of choice in one way or another with little abstinence. It was good “the first time”. It was a wonderful experience one time. After that things changed more and more towards misery. My life became very messy. I let down my children and wife (ex-wife), friends, and acquaintances at work and elsewhere. I nearly lost my job. I got arrested twice and that could have been a few more times. I stole purses. I stole CD’s. I spent time exchanging my stuff for money at the flea market and pawn shops. I opened bank accounts to get more money and stiffed the banks. I opened more credit card accounts and maxed them out. I drove for miles, over and over again, to get more drugs at all hours of the night. I smashed my cars numerous times, lost telephones, went to work to borrow money, missed work, and was unable to work or do things period. I was in places and times where my life was in danger. There are specific events in which I behaved unforgivably. My life has been completely out of control and very mess at best for the last 5 years. I have squandered my money, cars, time, friendships, and the potential to have been a much better person. I have been a taker.
In my first step I have been powerless after one drink, powerless over my addiction itself, and my life has been a mess.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
kslash....... youve just written my step 1 or there abouts...lol
Carry on opening that door and let the light flood in my friend.
A great reminder of the pure insanity and dancing with death we did...
But not today.......today has new meaning and purpose for me and im sure for you..
Congratulations for getting that on paper..........the future is bright....trucker
Carry on opening that door and let the light flood in my friend.
A great reminder of the pure insanity and dancing with death we did...
But not today.......today has new meaning and purpose for me and im sure for you..
Congratulations for getting that on paper..........the future is bright....trucker
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
My intent tonight was to com on-line and start this thread AND to do my second step. SO...I just did my second step, in writing:
1-8-09
My step two: Came to believe that I can change with the help of powers outside of me, like other people in recovery and in groups and in writing, and live without drugs or alcohol and become healthy and whole.
I changed the words of this step so that I can feel that I’ve done this step completely. The reference to a “higher power” makes me think of GOD, and thinking of god brings me to the Christian god or the religious god. But I have evolved to a truth in which I don’t want to DEFINE my higher power today. I can say that my higher power is in fact the meetings—the power of groups. I believe in this power and that I can access it if I am honest and if I listen to others with an open mind. Listening is perhaps most important in the sense that I do that for the biggest part of a meeting. Talking is very important too. It’s important that I talk from the heart and that I don’t try to impress others or always get bogged down in my beliefs (philosophy) or in giving advice so that I can open up to the group, making myself vulnerable, and become open minded to those who open up to me in conversation outside of the meetings.
The main thrust of the second step for me is simply the first three words: Coming to believe. I am coming to believe in myself, and in the meetings (AA/NA/meditation meetings and any other meetings that I may find in the future). I am coming to believe in the power of the groups. I am coming to believe that writing down my thoughts about the steps and that working the steps in my writing can help me in this journey of change. I am coming to believe in my own spiritual sense and at the same time I am respecting and appreciating others’ spirituality, and so I am becoming less flustered when someone has a different belief from me, and not letting others’ enthusiasm in their growing spirituality shame my own because it is different.
I am coming believe that I can live without drugs or alcohol or pills and such. I am sensing more and more that I can really change and live without drugs. Like I can really do this, I can really get clean. I did it before for 8 years, but in my 8 years of addiction since then I am realizing that I have spent most of my time not really feeling or believing that I could do it again; kind’ve thinking that “yes I did it before, but that was before crack and this crack has me beat”. Well crack does not have to be a part of my life ever again and I am beginning to believe in that.
I am beginning to believe that I can become sane. But what does that mean? I don’t really want to be the “normal” person-idea that I think of at first. I guess that sanity means “being myself, my authentic self, my original self. I believe that the wonder-child-self that I was when I was 6 years old is the “sanity” that this step is referring to for me. But the thrust of this step is not about sanity or insanity so much, for me, but rather it is about coming to believe that I can change.
And I am coming to believe that I can change…Everything about. And become my own original wonder-self. I don’t have to be perfect at this and simply experiencing “progress” is in fact wonderful. “progress” is a successful day, even if it is only one minute of the day that I felt I was making progress.
1-8-09
My step two: Came to believe that I can change with the help of powers outside of me, like other people in recovery and in groups and in writing, and live without drugs or alcohol and become healthy and whole.
I changed the words of this step so that I can feel that I’ve done this step completely. The reference to a “higher power” makes me think of GOD, and thinking of god brings me to the Christian god or the religious god. But I have evolved to a truth in which I don’t want to DEFINE my higher power today. I can say that my higher power is in fact the meetings—the power of groups. I believe in this power and that I can access it if I am honest and if I listen to others with an open mind. Listening is perhaps most important in the sense that I do that for the biggest part of a meeting. Talking is very important too. It’s important that I talk from the heart and that I don’t try to impress others or always get bogged down in my beliefs (philosophy) or in giving advice so that I can open up to the group, making myself vulnerable, and become open minded to those who open up to me in conversation outside of the meetings.
The main thrust of the second step for me is simply the first three words: Coming to believe. I am coming to believe in myself, and in the meetings (AA/NA/meditation meetings and any other meetings that I may find in the future). I am coming to believe in the power of the groups. I am coming to believe that writing down my thoughts about the steps and that working the steps in my writing can help me in this journey of change. I am coming to believe in my own spiritual sense and at the same time I am respecting and appreciating others’ spirituality, and so I am becoming less flustered when someone has a different belief from me, and not letting others’ enthusiasm in their growing spirituality shame my own because it is different.
I am coming believe that I can live without drugs or alcohol or pills and such. I am sensing more and more that I can really change and live without drugs. Like I can really do this, I can really get clean. I did it before for 8 years, but in my 8 years of addiction since then I am realizing that I have spent most of my time not really feeling or believing that I could do it again; kind’ve thinking that “yes I did it before, but that was before crack and this crack has me beat”. Well crack does not have to be a part of my life ever again and I am beginning to believe in that.
I am beginning to believe that I can become sane. But what does that mean? I don’t really want to be the “normal” person-idea that I think of at first. I guess that sanity means “being myself, my authentic self, my original self. I believe that the wonder-child-self that I was when I was 6 years old is the “sanity” that this step is referring to for me. But the thrust of this step is not about sanity or insanity so much, for me, but rather it is about coming to believe that I can change.
And I am coming to believe that I can change…Everything about. And become my own original wonder-self. I don’t have to be perfect at this and simply experiencing “progress” is in fact wonderful. “progress” is a successful day, even if it is only one minute of the day that I felt I was making progress.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I am so proud of you.
You have really done a total turn around. I was gettin really worried about you there for awhile.
And out of nowhere..Look where you are now.
Very good job.
Keep it up.
You have such passion in your soul. I see it everytime you post.
Keep that passion going for your recovery.
You have really done a total turn around. I was gettin really worried about you there for awhile.
And out of nowhere..Look where you are now.
Very good job.
Keep it up.
You have such passion in your soul. I see it everytime you post.
Keep that passion going for your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Focus on that word for a minute.."came to believe" not "did" or "have".
Came to believe said to me........Its a journey and i only have to be open minded.....and willing.
Like a good book........the first few pages and i believe its gonna be a good book...........after ive read it fully i have a new understanding in the story..
And my undertanding continues to grow and mature.
For me step two is a beautiful journey started with a open mind and a willingness to grow...imo
You put it perfectly and i could talk all night about that step!!..thankyou i enjoyed reading your post..
Ill save the insanity for another day!!!!!!!...sometimes i dont know when to shut up and go to bed!!! trucker
Came to believe said to me........Its a journey and i only have to be open minded.....and willing.
Like a good book........the first few pages and i believe its gonna be a good book...........after ive read it fully i have a new understanding in the story..
And my undertanding continues to grow and mature.
For me step two is a beautiful journey started with a open mind and a willingness to grow...imo
You put it perfectly and i could talk all night about that step!!..thankyou i enjoyed reading your post..
Ill save the insanity for another day!!!!!!!...sometimes i dont know when to shut up and go to bed!!! trucker
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
Your step one looks a bit shaky.
Here are some considerations.
Is it possible your "drug of choice"is actually your drug of no choice.
Is it possible that the insanity of alcoholism is the notion that while "sober"we actually decide to pick up a drink?
I am not being harsh on you because I enjoy it, I am sharing with you some considerations that may well save your life, as it did mine.
The entire reason for working the steps is to have a spiritual awakening and carry the message on to others. This process must be built on a foundation of truth. Is this why you are doing the work?
If you would like me to keep my thoughts to myself please let me know and I will but out.
Here are some considerations.
Is it possible your "drug of choice"is actually your drug of no choice.
Is it possible that the insanity of alcoholism is the notion that while "sober"we actually decide to pick up a drink?
I am not being harsh on you because I enjoy it, I am sharing with you some considerations that may well save your life, as it did mine.
The entire reason for working the steps is to have a spiritual awakening and carry the message on to others. This process must be built on a foundation of truth. Is this why you are doing the work?
If you would like me to keep my thoughts to myself please let me know and I will but out.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
If you are using the computer, do me a favor and save ALL YOUR WORK ON A CD.
I lost 67 amends when my hard drive crashed. Live and learn.
Also, FYI, my sponsor insisted that I write out my step work (up until writing the amends) using pen and paper. I think this is particularly important when doing your 4th step. You might want to mention to her that you are using the computer to write. She might not mind, but just a thought.
Good for you doing the work!
Karen
I lost 67 amends when my hard drive crashed. Live and learn.
Also, FYI, my sponsor insisted that I write out my step work (up until writing the amends) using pen and paper. I think this is particularly important when doing your 4th step. You might want to mention to her that you are using the computer to write. She might not mind, but just a thought.
Good for you doing the work!
Karen
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Ksplash, in my opinion your first step as you wrote it out seems very strong to me.
You seem to have a good grip on your problems and how to keep them at bay. I am always inspired by your posts and your strength. Your struggle helps me in my own struggle. Keep posting! I always feel better after reading your thoughts.
:ghug3
You seem to have a good grip on your problems and how to keep them at bay. I am always inspired by your posts and your strength. Your struggle helps me in my own struggle. Keep posting! I always feel better after reading your thoughts.:ghug3
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
KSplash very proud of you for doing this work! Keep moving foward hon 
I found also just a suggestion that writing with pen and paper always seem to be
more rewarding and was able to release more. Just again another thought!
Keep up that strength you are doing great!
I found also just a suggestion that writing with pen and paper always seem to be
more rewarding and was able to release more. Just again another thought!
Keep up that strength you are doing great!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
Hi all and thank you very much for your responses and thoughts.
I'm doing nicely today and plan to take a close look at the third step reading out of the NA book this afternoon. I want to keep moving towards my 4th step.
my first several times through the steps I never wrote out anything but the fourth step and my List of people i had harmed. I did everything then with pen and paper. I've actually been a personal advocate of writing with pen and paper. for some reason i started out on the computer. perhaps i was influenced by a new laptop i purchased last weekend. I'm definitely not locked into tapping on the keyboard for the rest of this and i'll be aware of the quality of my honesty and all as i continue with this.
I'm doing nicely today and plan to take a close look at the third step reading out of the NA book this afternoon. I want to keep moving towards my 4th step.
my first several times through the steps I never wrote out anything but the fourth step and my List of people i had harmed. I did everything then with pen and paper. I've actually been a personal advocate of writing with pen and paper. for some reason i started out on the computer. perhaps i was influenced by a new laptop i purchased last weekend. I'm definitely not locked into tapping on the keyboard for the rest of this and i'll be aware of the quality of my honesty and all as i continue with this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
hi sr
I've done some good recovery work today...including writing out my third step (below), going to a meeting, and officially finding a sponsor with whom to continue through the steps with...starting with the fourth step. we talked for about a half hour and I plan to spend 1 or 2 weeks on writing my fourth step.
1-9-09
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of god.
At first I am kind've drawing a blank. I need to re-write this step a little:
My version of Step 3: Made a decision to change and to practice the spiritual principles of love, honesty, willingness, open-mindedness, and compassion.
I needed to de-emphasize the defining of my higher power as much as possible. Additionally, the word GOD defines my higher power in the religious sense, which is not where I am at. I used to be there, I really was. In the 90's I used to think of my higher power as basically the Christian god that I learned about as a child. But I have evolved or moved into a different place of truth in that area of my heart.
Today MY WILL is changing and aligning with the spiritual principles mentioned above. Whereas in the past I have been dishonest, competitive, hateful, and imprisoned by self thinking, today I am and I have made the decision to change.
I do want to be a loving person: the kind of person that can love everyone and not get hung up on differences. I am beginning to practice not REACTING towards behaviors and personalities that bother me (this includes not reacting outwardly or inwardly). In order to be able to not react I have to practice compassion. I am willing and I desire to be more compassionate every day. I will judge less and become more and more aware that I do not know what burdens others carry. In the area of addiction and depression I should be able to be especially compassionate and able to relate and accept when others are living in addiction or depression in their own lives without getting holier than thou and without giving advice from my high perch on top of the recovery world. In other words it is completely hypocritical when I judge another addict or mentally depressed person, and I will practice noticing when I am being judgmental versus compassionate.
I am going to continue to be more and more open-minded. This is a hard one for me. It been my nature to attach myself to ideas and beliefs that originate from outside of me, and though there are many good ideas at meetings and books and tapes, I will try not to cling to them and push them on others. I am going to start each day new, creating and re-creating new life as best I can, and I will resist resting on my laurels of yesterday (even and especially if they were good and wonderful spiritual accomplishments).
For any of this to happen I have to be honest. I like being honest but often I get sidetracked and full of my own self and think that my way is the Right Way...period. So I will move past my thinking and philosophies and I will practice, more and more, to listen to the still, quiet, and gentle voice in my heart. And it is with this voice that i will try to bring forth my thoughts and spoken words.
For me right now, this whole idea of the 3rd step is about making the decision to be willing to change. Willing to be my best self. Willing to hang on and do the next right thing when even I am scared, lonely, and anxious.
So in effect I am turning my will and my life over to the spirit of alcoholics anonymous. To the power of the AA groups and to other spiritual groups. It is important that I open my heart to people in these groups, and find those that I especially relate to and become even more honest and open with them.
Today I am beginning to find these new people in my life and appreciating it more and more. Contact with an important person in my recovery helps me to feel connected with the universe and this in turn fuels my desire to do good towards others. I am not rushing into these friendships however, because I am also gaining power to not depend upon others for approval or to make me feel happy. I will probably always want and like approval and understanding from others, but I realize more than yesterday that I must operate with respect for myself with a kind and loving and gentle self perspective.
It is in the practice of my decision to change my life that I can gain self respect. As I love and respect others more then I can treat my own self better...and as I practice self respect and live with love inside of my heart then I can care and help others more and more. In this new life I can ultimately feel closer to “god”: to the people in meetings and in the whole world around me.
I've done some good recovery work today...including writing out my third step (below), going to a meeting, and officially finding a sponsor with whom to continue through the steps with...starting with the fourth step. we talked for about a half hour and I plan to spend 1 or 2 weeks on writing my fourth step.
1-9-09
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of god.
At first I am kind've drawing a blank. I need to re-write this step a little:
My version of Step 3: Made a decision to change and to practice the spiritual principles of love, honesty, willingness, open-mindedness, and compassion.
I needed to de-emphasize the defining of my higher power as much as possible. Additionally, the word GOD defines my higher power in the religious sense, which is not where I am at. I used to be there, I really was. In the 90's I used to think of my higher power as basically the Christian god that I learned about as a child. But I have evolved or moved into a different place of truth in that area of my heart.
Today MY WILL is changing and aligning with the spiritual principles mentioned above. Whereas in the past I have been dishonest, competitive, hateful, and imprisoned by self thinking, today I am and I have made the decision to change.
I do want to be a loving person: the kind of person that can love everyone and not get hung up on differences. I am beginning to practice not REACTING towards behaviors and personalities that bother me (this includes not reacting outwardly or inwardly). In order to be able to not react I have to practice compassion. I am willing and I desire to be more compassionate every day. I will judge less and become more and more aware that I do not know what burdens others carry. In the area of addiction and depression I should be able to be especially compassionate and able to relate and accept when others are living in addiction or depression in their own lives without getting holier than thou and without giving advice from my high perch on top of the recovery world. In other words it is completely hypocritical when I judge another addict or mentally depressed person, and I will practice noticing when I am being judgmental versus compassionate.
I am going to continue to be more and more open-minded. This is a hard one for me. It been my nature to attach myself to ideas and beliefs that originate from outside of me, and though there are many good ideas at meetings and books and tapes, I will try not to cling to them and push them on others. I am going to start each day new, creating and re-creating new life as best I can, and I will resist resting on my laurels of yesterday (even and especially if they were good and wonderful spiritual accomplishments).
For any of this to happen I have to be honest. I like being honest but often I get sidetracked and full of my own self and think that my way is the Right Way...period. So I will move past my thinking and philosophies and I will practice, more and more, to listen to the still, quiet, and gentle voice in my heart. And it is with this voice that i will try to bring forth my thoughts and spoken words.
For me right now, this whole idea of the 3rd step is about making the decision to be willing to change. Willing to be my best self. Willing to hang on and do the next right thing when even I am scared, lonely, and anxious.
So in effect I am turning my will and my life over to the spirit of alcoholics anonymous. To the power of the AA groups and to other spiritual groups. It is important that I open my heart to people in these groups, and find those that I especially relate to and become even more honest and open with them.
Today I am beginning to find these new people in my life and appreciating it more and more. Contact with an important person in my recovery helps me to feel connected with the universe and this in turn fuels my desire to do good towards others. I am not rushing into these friendships however, because I am also gaining power to not depend upon others for approval or to make me feel happy. I will probably always want and like approval and understanding from others, but I realize more than yesterday that I must operate with respect for myself with a kind and loving and gentle self perspective.
It is in the practice of my decision to change my life that I can gain self respect. As I love and respect others more then I can treat my own self better...and as I practice self respect and live with love inside of my heart then I can care and help others more and more. In this new life I can ultimately feel closer to “god”: to the people in meetings and in the whole world around me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
I am continuing to work on my fourth step. I have written 2 pages so far. I have secured a sponsor. I am calling him everyday. my plan was to do this in a week, but it may take longer. my sponsor said a week was fine, and that 2 months was too long.
perhaps i'll be able to publish some of my fourth step on this site (which would in effect be taking the fifth step also!)
I am happy and proud to be in recovery today and am willing to go to any length today.
perhaps i'll be able to publish some of my fourth step on this site (which would in effect be taking the fifth step also!)
I am happy and proud to be in recovery today and am willing to go to any length today.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I am new in recovery(3 days) and your post is the kind of thing that I came here looking for. I have gotten to step1 or I wouldn't be here in the first place. If you don't mind I would like to use this in my quest for recovery. You really do.
You really do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
I have been procrastinatin on my fourth step for 2 days. this morning I finally added a little bit but then stopped. I have 5 days off work in which I want to make a big dent in this. I will try and face the resistance that's coming up.
for now...i'm letting it go for a few hours and checking out my internet world and then going to a meeting and then I will look at what i am going to do today and try to get into the space of quietness so I can work on my fourth step.
I RAN from it and have shoved coffee and cigarettes and business into my day and have put my 4th on the shelf for a few hours.
wish me luck.
luck.
for now...i'm letting it go for a few hours and checking out my internet world and then going to a meeting and then I will look at what i am going to do today and try to get into the space of quietness so I can work on my fourth step.
I RAN from it and have shoved coffee and cigarettes and business into my day and have put my 4th on the shelf for a few hours.
wish me luck.
luck.
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
The Procrastination Step. Don't I know all about that.
I love your spelling out the first three steps in detail. I hadn't tried anything like that myself. It's all been mostly in my head and re-emphasized at meetings. I might do the same. Might help me get going a little faster with my inventory.
I love your spelling out the first three steps in detail. I hadn't tried anything like that myself. It's all been mostly in my head and re-emphasized at meetings. I might do the same. Might help me get going a little faster with my inventory.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
I've spent an hour working on my fourth step this morning. I'm exhausted. just an hour and i'm exhausted. Now I got "the spinners" on my Itunes and came here.
so far i have 6 pages of microsoft word fourth step paragraphs. I have some good work here but there are still some "important" things that i'll need to include before I complete it. One of these is the SEX items. I guess i'm not in the mood to do that right now (not in the mood!).
I will try again to get in the mood later today
so far i have 6 pages of microsoft word fourth step paragraphs. I have some good work here but there are still some "important" things that i'll need to include before I complete it. One of these is the SEX items. I guess i'm not in the mood to do that right now (not in the mood!).
I will try again to get in the mood later today
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