One year on!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
One year on!!!
Hello everybody, and a happy new year to you all. I havent posted for a while so i thought i'd let you all know what's been going on in my life.
It's a year today that i ended my relationship with my A. It's been a mixture of emotions some good some bad, but I MADE IT. I want to share with you what my life was like then and how my life is now. I hope this post will give some glimmer of hope to someone who's still riding that "rollercoaster to hell" . I am no different or stronger than anyone here who's life has been affected by alcoholism, im a single mum with two children, work 9-5 and struggle like the best of us.
Without going into to much detail (or else it would take me months to write!!) i'll keep the details brief as possible.
Life with Alcoholism AND Codependancy
Fell in love, far too quickly, no idea how codependent i was at this stage.
Low self esteem, i didnt feel that i deserved any better than i got.
My mission in life was to make sure that my Alcoholic was happy no matter what.
Gave him my money,time and enabled him.
Denied that he had a problem.
Argued with friends and family.
I was ashamed of my A, and would be consumed with embarrassment.
Submitted myself to verbal abuse on a daily basis.
Lived in fear of his actions.
Began to lie to my A to stop him drinking.
Stole his credit card to stop him drinking.
Would dread the telephone ringing at 2am, but would still answer just in case.
Had no social life of my own (to busy looking out for A).
Fell for his lies and manipulation tactics
Neglected me and my childrens needs (unforgivable).
Nobody had told me that i didnt have to do all this stuff
till i found here Sober Recovery, it took some time but i finally could see that i was not alone. I educated myself about Alcoholism and most importantly Codependancy and found that i had a problem that was just as bad as my A's.
The final straw for me (and i do beleive that we all have final straws) was when he told me he had cancer, he didnt of course but it hurt like hell.
That was a year today.
Now for the bit that i never thought i would write on here.
Life without Alcoholism and Codependancy
Heartbreaking at first I cried A LOT, he was my drug i craved for a fix.
Decided that no contact was the only way for me.
Felt the pain and began to heal.
Slowly but surely, felt the bones in my body relax.
Woke up in the morning with no worries really peaceful feeling.
My phone hardly rang (bliss)
Spent my time with my beautiful children. Oh heavenly.
Began to laugh.
Read a lot and posted on SR, (I am still learning!!)
Reestablished old friendships.
Met up with some special friends that i have made on SR.
Booked a holiday in Venice for me and the children,(cost a fortune and i will be paying for it for years) but hey life's to short.
Got to know ME!! and found a lot that i liked, and a lot that i didnt.
Learned to mind my own business.
Going out for a meal and a few drinks with friends without panicking.
Revisited old haunts that me and A used to go. (thanks Minnie) it doesnt hurt to go to those places anymore.
I have a little money in my pocket for nice things.
No partner yet, mind you im enjoying myself to much. Oh and im very particular who enters my world these days.
I AM HAPPY.
And last but not least i bought myself and my children a puppy called Alfie he's a Shiht Zu and he is gorgeous. (Still miss my cats though).
And that's it, thats what a year of recovery can do!!!!
Thank you SR for giving my life back, and i will take good care of it from now on.
All my love and best wishes.
Gill aka Mair
It's a year today that i ended my relationship with my A. It's been a mixture of emotions some good some bad, but I MADE IT. I want to share with you what my life was like then and how my life is now. I hope this post will give some glimmer of hope to someone who's still riding that "rollercoaster to hell" . I am no different or stronger than anyone here who's life has been affected by alcoholism, im a single mum with two children, work 9-5 and struggle like the best of us.
Without going into to much detail (or else it would take me months to write!!) i'll keep the details brief as possible.
Life with Alcoholism AND Codependancy
Fell in love, far too quickly, no idea how codependent i was at this stage.
Low self esteem, i didnt feel that i deserved any better than i got.
My mission in life was to make sure that my Alcoholic was happy no matter what.
Gave him my money,time and enabled him.
Denied that he had a problem.
Argued with friends and family.
I was ashamed of my A, and would be consumed with embarrassment.
Submitted myself to verbal abuse on a daily basis.
Lived in fear of his actions.
Began to lie to my A to stop him drinking.
Stole his credit card to stop him drinking.
Would dread the telephone ringing at 2am, but would still answer just in case.
Had no social life of my own (to busy looking out for A).
Fell for his lies and manipulation tactics
Neglected me and my childrens needs (unforgivable).
Nobody had told me that i didnt have to do all this stuff
till i found here Sober Recovery, it took some time but i finally could see that i was not alone. I educated myself about Alcoholism and most importantly Codependancy and found that i had a problem that was just as bad as my A's.
The final straw for me (and i do beleive that we all have final straws) was when he told me he had cancer, he didnt of course but it hurt like hell.
That was a year today.
Now for the bit that i never thought i would write on here.
Life without Alcoholism and Codependancy
Heartbreaking at first I cried A LOT, he was my drug i craved for a fix.
Decided that no contact was the only way for me.
Felt the pain and began to heal.
Slowly but surely, felt the bones in my body relax.
Woke up in the morning with no worries really peaceful feeling.
My phone hardly rang (bliss)
Spent my time with my beautiful children. Oh heavenly.
Began to laugh.
Read a lot and posted on SR, (I am still learning!!)
Reestablished old friendships.
Met up with some special friends that i have made on SR.
Booked a holiday in Venice for me and the children,(cost a fortune and i will be paying for it for years) but hey life's to short.
Got to know ME!! and found a lot that i liked, and a lot that i didnt.
Learned to mind my own business.
Going out for a meal and a few drinks with friends without panicking.
Revisited old haunts that me and A used to go. (thanks Minnie) it doesnt hurt to go to those places anymore.
I have a little money in my pocket for nice things.
No partner yet, mind you im enjoying myself to much. Oh and im very particular who enters my world these days.
I AM HAPPY.
And last but not least i bought myself and my children a puppy called Alfie he's a Shiht Zu and he is gorgeous. (Still miss my cats though).
And that's it, thats what a year of recovery can do!!!!
Thank you SR for giving my life back, and i will take good care of it from now on.
All my love and best wishes.
Gill aka Mair
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
If i can do it so can you Soconfused. It's not easy my friend but it's possible if you want it. Expect bad days, learn from them take it day by day. get a journal started write down everything your feeling, read it in a few months and you'll see the results, you are moving forward it may not feel like it but you are!!
take care hun xx
Gill
take care hun xx
Gill
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: West Midlands, UK
Posts: 107
I agree exactly with Soconfused. It's really helped me reading that today, thank you so much for writing it. I can't imagine writing something like that and meaning it, my stomach is still in such a knot. It's wonderful to read that you are feeling how you do. xxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Gill, thanks for checking in with us with this great update.....we've missed you!
So glad you made it. I can't wait to hear what THIS year holds for you. It just keeps getting better, you know.
So glad you made it. I can't wait to hear what THIS year holds for you. It just keeps getting better, you know.
Getting to my HAPPY PLACE!
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 298
Mair - I needed this post today. I'm am 6 months out from our breakup and I could have written about 95% of your post.
I felt exactly the same way you did while living with my alcoholic. And I too fell in love WAY TOO FAST. Never thought I could survive happily without him.
I will say that I still have my bad days - missing the "good" times. But I quickly remind myself how many "bad" times I'd have to go through to get to the good ones.
Life without an alcoholic is harmonious, peaceful and just plain good. It's taken me awhile to get back into my groove but I'm getting there and I'm loving it.
Yes I still love him - or perhaps just love the man I wanted him to be - but I can't be with him regardless of anything that happens - whether or not he gets sober - it still would NEVER work. I'm accepting that and moving on.
I'm happy for you and I too want everyone to know that it can and will get better!!
I felt exactly the same way you did while living with my alcoholic. And I too fell in love WAY TOO FAST. Never thought I could survive happily without him.
I will say that I still have my bad days - missing the "good" times. But I quickly remind myself how many "bad" times I'd have to go through to get to the good ones.
Life without an alcoholic is harmonious, peaceful and just plain good. It's taken me awhile to get back into my groove but I'm getting there and I'm loving it.
Yes I still love him - or perhaps just love the man I wanted him to be - but I can't be with him regardless of anything that happens - whether or not he gets sober - it still would NEVER work. I'm accepting that and moving on.
I'm happy for you and I too want everyone to know that it can and will get better!!
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Yea for you Gill !!
Sounds like you know serenity.
Sometimes we forget what this is until we stop the insanity.
Nothing as precious as a puppy, I am envious.
I'd get a dog if I wasn't a traveler.
I'll be back in North Wales mid July 2009.
Sounds like you know serenity.
Sometimes we forget what this is until we stop the insanity.
Nothing as precious as a puppy, I am envious.
I'd get a dog if I wasn't a traveler.
I'll be back in North Wales mid July 2009.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Western WA
Posts: 132
Thank you so much for sharing this. I just told my A that it's over (about 2 hours ago). Not the first time I've said it, but the first time I've said it calmly, not in a fit of anger, and really MEANT it. Now I just have to get through the begging and manipulations. Your post will help keep me focused on what I want in the future, not what I wanted in the past.......before "all this" happened.
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